Book 6 April 25 1985 to June 29 1986

8505.24 supplimental

    This will be long but should read quick. These are the lyrics to the songs on - Vioces of pain *A tape of my own construction - a favorites tape if you will*. These are the songs that hurt in good and bad ways. Some more then others. I feel that as I go on in life, once I have loved and lost, these songs will be even more painful. At night I'll put them on the headphones and let myself go. I'll sing along with great emotion (never uttering a sound) play the guitar and drums and dance while laying down. Often my eyes will moisen, one day I'm sure they will be tears.
    I will introduce the artist in parentheses give the lyrics and any thing else I feel important. DJ - will mean a Disc Jockey is talking and the words are his or hers. Onward.
(DIO - Rainbow in the Dark)
When there's lightening
You know it always brings me down
Cause its free
And I see
That its me
Whose lost and never found
I Cry out for magic
I feel it dancing in the light
It was cold
lost my hold
To the shadows of the night
No sign of the Morning coming
You've been left on your own
Like a Rainbow in the Dark
A Rainbow in the Dark

Do your demons
Do they ever let you go
When you try
Do they hide
Deep inside
Is it someone that you know
Your just a picture
Your An Image caught in Time
We're  lies             (
You and I
We're walks without a ride
There's no sign of the Morning comeing
You've been left on your own
Like a Rainbow in the Dark
Just a Rainbow in the Dark
        - guitar solo -
When I see lightning
You know it always brings me down
Cause its free
And I see
That its me
Whose lost and never found
See the magic
I feel it floating in the air
But its fear
And you hear
It calling you beware
  Look out
Theres no sight of the Morning coming
Theres no sign of he Day
You've been left on your own
Like a Rainbow
Like a Rainbow in the Dark
    yeah - yeah
Your a Rainbow in the Dark
  Just a Rainbow in the Dark

Handel floats over and turns into (Russ Ballard - Vocies)
If you could see my mind
If you really look deep then maybe
    you'll find
Back somewhere there will be a place
Hidden behind my chameleon face
You will find somewhere there's a
    house
And inside that house there's a room
Locked in the room in the corner
    you see
A Voice is waiting for me,
To set it fee
    I got the key, I got the key
Voices,   I hear Voices
In my head the Voice is waiting
Waiting for me
To set it free
I locked it inside my imagination
But I'm the one thats got the
    combination
The people didn't like what the voice
    did say
So I took my voice and I locked
    it away
I got the key,  I got the key
Voices,  I hear Voices
  |- Voices, I hear Voices
  |  Don't look back, look strait ahead
  |  Don't turn away, the voices said
  |  Don't look back, yesterdays gone
|-|  Don't turn away, you can take it on
( repating choruses
DJ - Russ Ballard - Voices on KY 102 I have voices in my head when . speaking to you, right now, they're tearin' apart ...
(Prince - When Dove's Cry)
Dig if you will a picture
Of you and I engaged in a kiss
The sweat of your body covers me
Can my darling, Can you piture this
Dream if you can a courtyard
Oceans and violets in bloom
Animals strike curious poses
They feel the heat, the heat between
    me and you
How can you just leave me standing
Alone in a world thats so cold
Maybe I'm just to demanding
Maybe I'm just like my father, two-fold
Maybe you're just like my mother
She's never satisfied
Why do we scream at eachother
This is what it sounds like when
    Doves cry.
Touch if you will my stomache
feel how it trembles inside
You've got the butterflys all tied up
Don't make me chase you
Even Doves have cried
|- How can you just leave me standing
|  Alone in a world thats so cold
|  Maybe I'm just to demanding
|  Maybe I'm just like my father, two-fold
|  Maybe you're just like my mother,
|  She's never satisfied
|  Why do we scream at eachother
|  This is what it sounds like when
|_    Doves cry
Chours

The music warps slightly and (Cory Hart - Sunglasses at night) starts.
DJ - sandstone ~ Judas priest is gonna be rockin'.
I wear my sunglasses at night
So I can, So I can watch you when
them breezes slowly dance
I wear my sunglasses at night
So I can, So I can keep track of visions
    in my eyes
While she's decieven' me
It cuts my security
Has she got controll of me
I turn to her and say
Don't switch the blade on the guy
    in shades, oh no
Don't mascerade with the guy
    in shades, oh no
I can't believe it!
She's go it made with the guy
    in shades, oh no
I wear my sunglasses at night
So I can, so I can forget my name
    while v^you collect your prey.
I wear my sunglasses at night
So I can, So I can See the love thats
    right before my eyes
While she's decieven' me
She cuts my security
She's got controll of me
I turn to her and say
Don't switch the blade on the guy
    in shades, oh no
Don't mascerade with the guy in
    shades, oh no
    I can't believe it

Don't be afraid of the guy in shades,
    oh no
    It can't escape you
Cause you got it made with the guy
    in shades, oh no
I wear my sunglasses at night (over and over)
Then there are french horns and
(The Thompson Twins - Doctor Doctor)
I saw you there, just standing there
And I thought I was only dreaming you
I kiss you then, then once again
You said you would come and dance with me
Dance with me, Across the sea
We can feel the motion of a thousand dreams
Doctor Doctor, can't you see I'm
    burnin' burnin'
Oh, Doctor Doctor, is this love I'm
    feelin'?
If at night, give such delight
we all leave before the morning light
Please don't go, no please don't go
Because I don't want to stay here on my own
|- Doctor Doctor, can't you see I'm
|        burnin' burnin'
|  Oh, Doctor Doctor, is this love I'm
|        feelin' ?
|  Doctor Doctor, can't you see I'm
|        burnin' burnin'
|  Oh, Doctor Doctor, is this love I'm
|        feelin' ?
Please don't breath your love on me
Take away my name
Please don't breath your love on me
Never be the same!
chorus
Come with me, and make believe

We can travel to eternity!
DJ - V-1ØØ FM Pyrimids create cosmic vibrations are you ready to create to cosmic vibrations?
(Ratt - Round and Round)
Out on the streets, thats where we met
You make the lines, I always cross the lines
Time for bells, of future cells
Get in the way, we'll put you on your self
Another Day, some other way
We're gonna' go, when can I see you again?
I've had enough, we've had enough
Come on babe! she said
|- I knew right from the beginin'
|  That you were not winin'
|  I knew right from the start
|  You'd put an arrow through my heart
|  Round and Round
|  We'll never find away, just give it time
|  Round and Round
|  What comes around goes around
|_ I'll tell you why
Dig,
Looken' at you, Looken' at me
The way you move ya' know its easy to see
The neon lights they're on tonight
I got away, we're gonna prove it tonight
Like Romeo to Juliet
Tounge tied, I'm gonna make you mine
I've had enough, we've had enough
It's all the same, she said
Chorus (guitar solo)
Out on the streets, thats where we met
You make the lines, I always cross the lines
Time for bells, of future cells
Get in the way, we'll put you on your self

Round and Round
We'll never find a way, just give it time
Round and Round
What comes around goes around
I'll tell you why
Round and Round
We'll never find away, just give it time
    time time time
Round and Round
What comes around goes around
I'll tell you why, why why
    (guitar solo)
(Loverboy - Turn me lose)
I was born to run, I was born to dream
the Crazyest boy you've ever seen
I got ta' do it my way, or no way at all
And I was here to please, I'm even on my knees
Making love to whoever I please
I got to do it my way or no way at all
Then you came around, tired to tie me down
I'm such a clown
You had to have it your way, or not way at all
I've had all I can take, I can't take it
    no more
I'm going to pack my bags and fly, my way
    or no way at all
So Why don't you turn me lose, turn me lose
    turn me lose,
I got to do it my way, or no way at all
Why don't you turn me lose, turn me lose,
    turn me lose,
I got to do it my way, I want to fly
I'm here to please, I'm even on my knees
Making love to whoever I please
I got to do it my way, I got to do it my way
And when you came around, you tired to tie

    me down, I was such a clown
You had to have it your way,
Well, I'm sayin no way
    Chorus, guitars Chorus and on to the end of side one. There is a silence a small hum a click and side two begings with soft guitars,
(Eagles - Hotel California)
On a dark dessert highway
Cool wind in my hair
Once I believed Death, rising up in through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself
This could be heaven or this could be hell
Then she light up a candel
And she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor
I thought I heard them say;
    Welcome to the Hotel California
    Such a lovely place, such a lovely place
        Such a lovely face
    Renting a room at the hotel California
    Any time of year, Any time of year
        you can find it here.
Her mind is simpily twisted
She got the mercadies bens
She got alot of pretty pretty boys
That she calls freinds
How they dance in the courtyard
Sweet Summer Sweat
Some dance to remember, some dance to

        forget
So I called every Captain
"Please bring me my wine"
They said "We haven't had that spirit here
    since 1969"
And still those voices are calling from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say;
    Welcome to the Hotel California
    Such a Lovely place, such a lovely place
        such a lovely face
    They livin' it up at the Hotel California
    What a nice surprise, what a nice surprise
        when your alibys.
Mirrors on the cieling
And pink champane on ice
And she said "We are just prisoners here
Of our own device."
And in the masters chambers
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with there steely knives
But they just can't kill the beast
Last thing I remember
I was running for the door
I had to find a passage back
To the place I was before
"Relax" said the night man
"We are so glad to recieve
You can check out any time you like
But you can never leave!"
    Long gentel guitar solo
Several sounds, a tone and then
(Pat Benatar - Hell is for children)
They cry in the dark
So you can't see the tears
They hide in the light

So you can't see the fear
Forgive and forget
For the while
Love and hate is one and the same
In the eyes of the wounded child
|- Because Hell, Hell is for children
|  And you know that there little lies
|  When ya got such a pain
|  Hell, Hell is for children
|  And be sure not to baby along anymore
|_Then yourself
Its all so confusing this brutal abusing
They blacken your eyes
Then 'poligize'
Be Daddys good girl, Tell Mommy your sick
Your good little boy
You get a new toy
Tell Grandma you fell off the swing
Chorus No, Hell is for Children
|- Hell, Hell is for Hell
|  Hell is for Hell
|_Hell is for children
    over and over and into the next song
(Pat Benatar - Love is a battlefield)
|- We are young
|  Heart ache to heart ache
|  we say
|  No promises, no demands
|  Love is a battlefield
|  We are strong
|  No one can tell us we're wrong
|  Searching our hearts for so long
|  Both of us knowing
|_Love is a battle field
You've broken me cold
I made the mistake

Why do you hurt me so bad
It would help me to know
Do I stand in your way
Or am I the best thing you've had
Believe me, believe me I can't tell you way
But I'm trapped by your love
And chained to your side
    Chorus
We're losing controll
Will you turn me away
Or touch me deep inside
And before this gets old
Will it still feel the same
There's no way this will die
But if we get much closer
I could lose controll
And if your heart surenders
You'll need me to hold
    Chorus
(Eurythmics - Love is a Stranger)
Love is a stranger in an open car
Tempt you in and drive you far away
Love is a stranger in an open car
Tempt you in and drive you far away
And I want you, and I want you, and I want you
Some in seldom sation
And I want you, and I want you, and I want you
Some in seldom sation
Love is a danger of a different kind
Take you away and leave you far behind
And Love, Love, Love is a dangerous drug
You have to recieve it and you still
    can't get enough of the stuff
It's savage and cruel and it shines like
    destruction
It comes in like a flood and it seems like

    religion
It's noble and its brutal it destorts and
    deranges
And it drenches you up and your left
    like a zombie
[And I want you, And I want you, And I want you
[Some in seldom sation
And I want you, And I want you, And I want you
Some in seldom sation (oops)
It's dangerous and clever and sleek by
    design
Ya' know its jealous by nature
False and unkind
It's hard and restrained
and brutally cruel
It touches and it teases
As you stumble into day break
Chorus, Chorus and on until ...)
Handel and Genisis fight in and out of the intro to this song. Great contrasts.
(Genisis - Mama)
I can see you Ma Ma
But I can hardly wait
And to touch and to feel you mama
Oh, I just keep can't away
In the heat and the steam of the city
Oh, its got me runnin' and I just can't wake
So say you'll help me Ma Ma
Cause its getting so hard, Oh
Now I can keep you mama
But I know your always there
You listen you teach me Ma Ma
And I know inside you care
So get down, down here, beside me
Oh, wo, you aren't goin' no where
No I won't hurt you Ma Ma

But its getting so hard, oh!
    Ha Ha ha, Ha Ha ha, ow
    Ha Ha ha, Ha Ha ha, ow
Can't you see me here Ma Ma
Mama, Mama, Mama, please
Can't you feel my heart?
Can't you feel my heart?
Can't you feel my heart? oh-wo
Now listen to me mama,
Mama, Mama, Your taken away my last
    Chance
Don't take it away!
Can't you feel my heart?!
Ha Ha ha, Ha Ha ha, ow
It's hot, to hot for me Mama
But I, can't hardly wait
My eyes there burnin' Mama
And I can feel my body shake
Don't stop, Don't stop me Mama
I'll make you pay, make you come away
No, I won't hurt you Mama
But I know your always there
You taunt you tease me Mama
But I never, never, never can keep away
It's the heat and the steam of the city
Oh, got me runin' and I just can't wake
So stay, don't leave me Mama
Cause its getting so hard, oh
Don't Go, No no Don't go (and on)
(Fixx - Sunshine in the shade)
Sunshine, warming the samll of my back
What ever virutes I lack
You can see till I move
Till I move in the shade

[Sunshine in the shade
[Sunshine in the shade
[Sunshine in the shade
Then inside sometimes I feel so cold
Catching myself some clothes
But enough of the future I see
A Shadow belonging to me
Chorus
Every man climbs a mountain
    with a hope to make a stand
Every man makes a mountain of
    his life or masterplan
I am Cold
Light in the Dark
Our only hope
Light in the Dark
Gives me hope
Chorus
Shade of life
Gives me hope, oh
Some time and place
(Fixx - red skys at night)
Red skys at night
    Red skys at night wo oh
Should have taken warning
Its just deep out mourning
Drowning, hiding love
You can't find, you can't find
Find a place to go ...
            - tape ends -

8505.24

    Kieth Lewis came in just as I finished. He went up into my room and dropped his jaw at my drawings and mostly . my weapons. Saw my skulls and thinks I enjoy murder.
    Been thinking about death Blossom. Alien race of philospher warriors. Survivied harsh preditor conditions because horns protect there face and make back of head the strongest. Front most piece of jaw is the weakest (a race of warriors with glass jaws). One preditor can launch an attack and its barbed tonge will tear out that portion of the jaw. This causes, unconsciousness, shock and eventually bleeding to death. The preditor will pick the skeleton clean and leave the skull (often proped up on the spine like a flower).
    A smaller race of hunters look for these skulls for three reasons. 1) religious artifacts. Used in medicine, worship and rights to 'manhood'. 2) they make good helmets and warning signs. 3) They mark the trail of there prey.
    It is believed that some of the Death Blossom skulls (very rare) will carry the knowledge of the dead warrior and will pass on his wisdom and skill to the hunter. The finder of such a skull generally becomes a king or tribe leader or will strike out on his own. Those used as Warning signs are not to be worn because they are saturated with death and drive the wearer insane and into suicidal fitt. More thinking to be done.

8505.25

    I saw the devil today as he lay in the hospital drugged. He tries not to think anymore and the Doctors don't help.
    I went to see Tony for help. I was a little lost in the Pack. Brown Wolf is the head but he isn't here. I got  straightened out though. I wasn't lost, I was suposed to be.
    I saw Marc, who wans't feeling well. His eyes were dialated and his throat hurt so he stayed in the dark. We watched a bit of 'TANK' on cable then I left him to dinner and rest.
    I went home and listened to myself say nothing. I sat wondering what to do. I wasn't bored but I wasn't content either. There was somthing missing on the scale. What was it? The phone rang then.
    I heard Angel. She was far away and hard at work (or is it hardly working). We talked for an hour over many things. "Don't tell me your gay. I could handle it from anybody but you and Carlos. I'd kill you if you told me you were." she said in the conversation. I changed the subject and we talked on. We found it hard to hang up. We did after an hour and a half.
    A good time without guilt. Thats what I had until Angel called. I didn't miss the guilt, but I knew it wasn't there. Good or bad that it's back?

8505.28 supplimental

    brief synapsis of the last two days.
05.26 - Sunday.
    I woke up, went to Gymnastics it was a slow day. I came home and got ready for graduation at 4:ØØ. The day was nice, I thought, not the tornado clouds or the near rain the last two times. I got there in a white shirt, collars up and open with a white bow tie around my neck. As soon as the cerimony started the wind came in fitts and brought very dark clouds out of no where. Brian Cowen, Tony Guy, Duff Taylor, and Marc Tolbert crossed the podeum, I watched them scream then I left in the rain of purple hats. Once home there was a storm going and Jason asked me if I would stay at Steves with him to sit with Pepper who is afraid of thunder *their dog*. I said yet and spent the night on a water bed with a shivering dog dreaming of Willy Wonka and the earth elements (Red tornado, the Swamp Thing and Golems).
05.27 Memorial day
    The morining was slow, I expected to work on letters (CCG) at the gym but Dave called and said he couldn't open the gym. I called Marc to see if he wanted to see a movie. Went through the choises and went to "Rustlers Rapsody" at 2:15 came back met Teddy and Eric offered to take . us to "Rambo" at 5:15. We went for tickets and food and got Eric then went to the movie. By the time we got there (nearly 5:ØØ) the theater was packed! We split up to find seats. Eric sat right of center 2^nd row. Marc and Teddy found two seats way in the back in the left section. I sat in the extreme left of the theater then saw an empty seat next to a hunk in the center section, left isle. I thought he might be saving it for a girlfriend but I also thought could hurt to ask. I sat next to him hoping to catch a feel of his arm or leg. I did briefly. The movie was okay, but I wasn't concentrating on it. I saw him leave alone.
    Back to Marcs house I called Mom. She reminded me it was Davids Birthday. I called his house from my house but he was on his way back to hosptial. I went and saw him from 8:3Ø to 9:ØØ at the ward. Just as I was leaving for the vist Dave Wells called. Top Secrete game at his house. I went there right after the hospital. Crazy directions finally got me there (Island court ####) Way out by the lake. We played until about 3:ØØAM. My Character completed the mission but was put in a ward for reahibitalation *rehabilitation*. Atempted Death . by electrocution. My knowledge was reduced from 96 to 43 and my strength from 83 to 24 which didn't help the shattered bone in my left leg which was shot. I and Brians Character were rescued by a clean up crew sent by Daves character which killed everybody top side.
    In bed by 3:2ØAM by my clock. 

8505.28

    Today I woke up in time to shower, dress, and write the above entry before I called Marc and then went to lift.
    Brian followed us in and the three of us worked chest. Couldn't believe I was so lucky to see such great muscles flex, yet be abel to lift more then they, Still, like I said, give them some time and I will be left behind. We then went to eat and I soon realized I was very late.
    Jason and I were to cash his check and buy some music. I got him, nearly a half-hour late, and we went. We got seven tapes. 'Til Tuesday - Voices carry, Wham - Make it Big, Public image LTD. - this is what you want ... This is what you get, Howard Jones - Dream into Action, Gerneral Public - All the rage, Tears for Fears - (?), Depeche Mode - People are people' and the other day Jason got . 'Animotion'. the ones I've heard so far are exellent.
Went to Gymnastics, came home, ran - cramped, watched MTV an saw Joe Walshes new video 'the Confessor' (I liked it).
        Goodnight.

© 2000 December (Date implied by entry date, Date of copyright covers web publication)