Book 4 July 7 1984 to November 8 1984
Fear gradually overcame the King.
I awoke and read away my fantasy fables. The Calm Struggling Alien
droped by and did nothing. He asked me to lie for him and I refused. I droped him off then
came back to tell Dominator about the crooked wheel. He glared at me through that black
armoured lense. His eyes burned red.
I left the house. I didn't need this unreasoned anger. I went to the
Cats. Theseus was there and so was Big Brother.
I dressed and sat by for awhile watching these three men practise and
learn a strickt disipline. I joined in this learning process and was very happy. No crown
circleing my head, no glove on my hand, no advisor breathing over my shoulder.
I learned disipline and an art. I was confident. I suggested we go out
to the ring for weapon sparing. Theseus and I suited out. Each with a padded stick for a
knife. We began to spar. I circled about and made a thrust. It was deflected and the flat of the padded .
stick struck my mouth. Theseus backed down and my mouth bled. I thought I was safe here,
and Theseus struck me in the mouth.
My palms sweat, I droped my padded knife. I removed my gloves. I went
inside for ice. The wound burned when my tounge touched it. I wanted it to be cold and numb.
My classes start tomorrow. All my sensies will look down to me. I remember looking at those nine books and shivering.
I went back out ready to spar again. The
Cat and I suited up. We put on the gloves, we picked up the padded swords. The Cat was
quick. He wore a chiro and his blows were strong. Theseus judged and scored the matches.
We were three to three with one nutral kill. We came in quick, fast and
furious. Blow after blow in quick succesion. Big Brother ran about pointing out scores and
fouls.
=Wham=
"Ut - oh." spoke the Cat.
We backed down and bowed out in respect. Theseus picked up the Cats
broken sword.
Fear crept up my spine as we picked up the weapons. I had to . face others in the morning, more experienced,
and with stronger swords.
Life is a sturner judge and a merciless opponet.
I woke up in a new world. The faces in controll laughed at me. First
there were the secrete red lights for speed. Then there was the heat, oh the terrible
heat.
Confusion, Confusion, Confusion. I went from place to place well, never
was I lost yet my stomach churned like I was. Here in these halls my crown was a nusinese(nuisance). Never before have I seen such large men.
First words, then fear, then the numbers came. Then came what I wanted
but wasn't sure about, still not. I don't know.
One more new one. Only one. God, what about my eyes! What about the
monsters behind that lock. Its not the water I fear, its my kingly babtism and the lock.
It's the lock I fear the most.
"Calmness my king. Be calm."
"Go To HELL!!!! ... . ... calm.
shit!"
*for those that are lost. This is the first day of College (Summer Classes) and what I fear the most here - is the locker room of swim class.*
I sat in my throne and brooded. The room was dark and so was I.
Theseus came in and mistook my wreath as a halo. The flys bitt hard into my brow as I saw
that evil faced black menace step into the light doorway behind Theseus. I smiled and
looked off in calus direction and saw Theseus's cane. I touched my ruleing septer.
I looked up and Theseus was gone. The Beast stood laughing and closing
the door.
"No, .... No! ..... no." will tears never grace
the face of this King.
"What is going on here?" I said to myself and dropped my
septer. The door opened I siezed my septer as the Beast walked in with a smile.
"Get out of here! Get out before I beat you with this club!"
I yelled waving my septer about in the air, pointing at him.
He only laughed. He seemed much taller, more muscular and handsome. He
looked regal and black and it scared me. I clenched my left gloved fist tighter about the
septer and gritted my teeth.
"Get out! I mean it!"
This Advisor looked over to a door and I glanced over in that . direction. Stareing the Damn Beast in his eyes,
still trying to hold him at bay with my septer. I fell to my knees.
There I was, hung low and trying to cry. I suddenly jumped to my feet
screaming. I through the septer at the beast and it was swallowed in his darkness. I
turned to that direction and faced the door of locks.
I feared that door of locks, because there were more locks behind it.
Poeple went in there and locked away one of there shells. I never wanted to go in there.
I'd be venerable.
I kicked the lock and threw open the door. A blast of wet heat russeled
my hair, and the Beast laughed. I steped in and shut the door behind me. No turning back
now. 110°F in the shade, and there was none. But the beast wasn't laughing
here. I was to frightened to notice, though.
I took off my glove, my scarlet cloak, any black shirt with a high
collar, and even the leather boots. I walked into the next room, there was a pool of sparkling water. I jumped for my babtism. The water was cold, bitterly
so. I was shooked(soaked) .
and began to shiver. I climbed out of the water and one fly from my wreath lay half dead
but caught in my mass of curly hair.
I retraced my steps and came out of the room of looks to the stern face
of the Beast. I was victorious and I laughed. The Beast turned to me and smiled. I became
weary and a fly bitt me. He calmly handed me my septer and left, stronger then before from
my brief oppisition. Suddenly I was very cold. I looked at a thermometer and it read
110°F in the shade, and it was very dark.
The flys bitt my brow and I screamed. I ran about in a fit and I
couldn't stop. The Calm Struggling Alien was there. I stoped my confusion in an instant of
embarisment, for he brought woman.
"I ... I was ... just riding the Storm out." I said.
He said nothing. He just wrote on then tore out the last page of this
journal. The woman shrieked and he smiled at her. They left in a false bliss. I was left
missing something.
"Sire," said a page, "we're losing the war on the
front."
"What war?!" I replied sitting on the stairs to my throne.
"Sire, you have a visitor."
"Is he from the war?"
"No, sire, I don't believe so."
"Send him away."
"But, Sire, I think - "
"Your not hear to think! Sent him away. Now!"
The page went away, closing the great chamber door before me. My throne
was hard and I sat slumped. The Wreath of Flys buzzed low over my eyes. My cloak was a bit
tangeled and spewn, I don't think it would let me up.
The door opened and a cloaked figure steped in. His silhoutee was tall
and slender, the light very bright.
"I'm not seeing anybody." I said
"Not even me?" said a familiar voice. Death Dealer took off
his black cloak, stroked his beard, smiled and closed the door.
"We can use some privacy." he said.
"I could use some self my friend."
"Is it missing?"
"Yes, I seem to have lost it in pain."
"Every pain is easily disregarded; for that which is intense is of
brief duration, and the suffering brought by a physical pain that last long is
slight."
"Bullshit! This pain is a Bastard and a Beast."
"Give me your hand, Let us completely banish our evil habits as if
they were evil men who have done us long and grevious harm."
"They have, and that's easy for you to say. You've never had such
a pain. I don't need you either, you can't help me."
"Every friendship in itself is to be desired; but the first cause
of freindship was a man's needs."
"Listen to me! You can't help
me!"
"We do not so much need the help of our frinds as the confidence
of thier help in need. Tell me, what is that problem?"
"If I told you, you would be enraged. I would fear you and the
colapse of my kingdom!"
"Do nothing while you live that will cause you to fear if it
becomes known to your neighbor."
"To late! Its been with me for a long time. It even hid a war from
me!"
"Let us completely banish-..."
"You already said that damn quote from your precious Vatican
sayings. Well I too can quote your precious pages! 'He who is calm disturbs neither
himself nor another' What do you and you limited .
words say to that?!"
"He is of very small account who sees many good reasons for ending
his life."
"Oh, ho! I'll not play the part of the Roman fool on his sword.
Get out! 'One must assume that the long argument and the short tend to the same end'!
Please, just go away."
"Okay. I shall go. Only because I can't stay."
"Death Dealer, you are a very wise
man. Thank you for trying."
"The honor paid to a wise man is a great good for those who honor
him."
I frowned and he left. Once the door was closed I spoke to the empty
room,
"If sight, association, and intercourse are removed, the passion
of love is ended."
=Which are you missing?=
"Because of you, I've denyed myself all of them. How's the
war?"
=I don't know. I'm not even sure
the solgers (soldiers) are fighting.=
"Why don't they fight?"
=They don't seem to honestly believe in the cause.=
I went to the castel library. In the library there is a forbiden
shelf. I forbid me that self, yet its the only reason I go to
the library. That self was full of the Advisors books. It was in trying to see those books
that I found the map leading me to the Emperor.
Nothing should be forbiden to a King. I picked up one book. It was
heavy in my hand and I began to quiver. I opened the book and my mind was asaulted by the
magic images. I was spell bound. My left hand pulled my cloak in tighter. I finished the
book and turned to leave, my wreath of flys bitting my brow. I put the book back and
turned.
There stood a crusty old man. He was missing some teeth, hadn't combed
his hair or shaved. He limped toward me.
"Not bad, eh?" he said in a horse and feeble voice. I
clenched my left fist and pulled on the glove. My cloak was very tight, I couldn't move.
"Like to look over here?" he said pointing to another book.
"Want to see more, eh?" he said taking down the thick book.
"Come on, look!" his eyes glazed over and I thought
he might salavate. I was sick.
"Move!" I thought, "Get away! Just walk out and leave
him behind!"
Finally my cloak losened enough that I could move and walk right past
the old man and avoided his book and his grasp.
I left the library and breathed deep. I put on my sunglasses, my other
glove. Straightened my cloak and collar and walked briskly out. I had a desperate need to
feel as though I was around friends, yet not be with them.
I whipped my colt to make him go faster. I felt so strange. I drove
past Death Dealers house, no one was home. I rode past the Cats, I noticed even Theseus
was there. I didn't, I couldn't stop.
It was getting away from me. It is running lose. Death Dealer, Cat and
Theseus, they have it so nice, controll and order. Why must I be lost in confusion.
"Report!" I yelled as I walked back into my court.
=Report on what, Sire?=
"The war! Report. Now!"
=Not much to report, sire. We're losing because we don't know
what were fighting.=
"I have a question to ask. One I've
been dreading. Is this where you sent that army of straw
men?"
=Yes, sire. Its the only army you .
had.=
"Had?"
=Have, sire. My apologies.=
"Page, send me a counselor. Prefably a priest as long as he
doesn't wear black."
I sat for a long time in my throne, waiting. I looked out the window
and wondered how real this world was. I turned and saw a young man. He was dressed in red
and bore a gold crusifix on his chest.
"How strong are your words?"
"I don't know, Sire. For I am new as priest, but faithful to
God."
"I see .... Your faith has nothing to do with anything here, son.
I seek the counsel of priests and clergy men because they are intellegent. They have no
excuse no to be. I need counsel from your wisdom, not your faith."
"I'll try to hold true to my appointment, sire."
"I had a dream. I dreampt I was in the desert once again. Just
leaving the shade of the oak sprung from the skull of man. Out in the desert I met a man.
He was young and dressed in red. He stopped me and spoke.
"But his words were foul and . insects crawled out his mouth. Many of these
were flys which began to circle my head and cause a sickness in my bowels.
"In the distance I heard the cross of swords at the dawn. I heard
babies cry. What does it mean?"
"Obviously, sire, someone speaks lies to you and causes a battle
in which inocents die. Have you been having trouble with a
lier and a war lately?"
"Yes."
"Then stop the lies and end the war."
"I can't stop the war! Not until someone wins. I can't
sotp the lier, because I don't know who he is."
"Sire, Have you fought demons for so long that you have become
like them?"
"Son ... Answer me honestly. what is your greatest wish?"
"Sire."
"Come, son, your greatest wish!"
"To serve God and be granted a halo in the after life."
"A halo?"
"Yes, sire."
I whirled about and siezed the young man by his collars. I flung him
about in the direction from which I came, the window.
His head met the fagel (fragile) glass and the craggy lines radiated out from the point of impact, with radiating circles to form glisening pieces. Blood gushed from his head.
"Here is your halo, son! One of shattered glass! Don't bleed to
hard, wouldn't want stained glass now would we?!"
"Murderous king! Be careful when you pick up these pieces. Glass
will cut you too!"
Time passed. He dind't die. My servents picked up the glass. But the stains were on my hands. Nothing new, except an extra coin in my perse. Just more wieght for me to lug around.
There was the sound of shattering glass over and over. The sound
echoed endlessly, then happen again, and again, again, and again, again, again, again, and
again. Glass seemed to fall all around me. Falling trying to cut me like Ockham's razor.
But I have my cloak and leather gloves and boots. My brow had been toughened by the bite
of my crown. I wasn't cut. Not yet.
I lifted my eyes from my cloak to see where
the glass fell.
The glass lay about my feet like a glimmering maze. Something was wrong. My feet! They
were bare! Fear grips my heart, I can't walk the maze or I'll cut my feet.
I hear a clanking echoing in the darkness. I stand petrafied. This
rattleing sounds so close! I look down and I see the chains, reaching, reaching for me.
One grips my ankel and a wash of thoughts sting my brain. The pain of being chained once
again fills my heart and I scream.
My ebony blade cuts the chain of my ankel and I run. The shards of
glass shred my feet and my blood runs like a poisoned wine. I trip on a conch which roars
a blosterous cry and I swing and shatter its sprial prison and release the sea.
The Ocean washes over me and carries me away. The salt eats into my
wounds. I scream and go under in the wave choking on the bitter waters. My eyes bluge and
water for lack of oxygen and my cloak begins to pull me down.
I am washed up into an obsidian hall. The stench is of . the hall is of the ocean and decaying flesh.
There is sound and its not mine. There is a soul wrenching cry and I turn and parry the
golden sword with the ebony blade.
~Do you know what you have caused? Do you know~
"Do you care?!" I answer in rage as the golden sword
disappeares like its invisible wielder.
There are more crys and I stand ready to fight. Suddenly there emurges
an image or a man. Its the patient traveller. I open my mouth to speak Yet only insects
crawl out from under my tounge. I feel sick and I watch as the flys fly invisibly into his
ears and nest, waiting to hatch.
Suddenly his middle lay open and his bowels exploded forth to my feet.
The blood ran to me like a tide as the man disolved before me in fire.
There was the glint of silver and I stand deffensive once more. Then
the blow was struck. The air parted around the silver blade and I parried and returned. As
the blade flashes in and out and sparks fly from our blades I look for the wielder.
A blazing red Chiro is seen in a flash of the conflict. A Shot comes in high, I parry
and spin in low. The ebony blade is parried in the lightning speed of the silver sword.
My cloak is slowing me down and the edges are frayed. I cut it lose for
freedom of attack. The next saber that mets mine is gold, the next silver, the next brass,
the next steel. My four attackers press the asalt and franticly spin about and perry and
thrust. Lunge, dodge, spin, parry, parry, spin, lunge, parry,
parry, prey.
The hall echoes with the cries of attack and my frantic gasps of
desperation. These four attackers are gaining an advantage. They press the attack. All
four of them thrust, I try to parry but the ebony blade shatters and my scream fills the
hall as I fall viewing Brown-Wolf and his sword of gold, Death Dealer and his katana of
silver, Theseus and his bladeof Steel and the Calm Struggleing Aliens saber of Brass. The
cut to my heart is fatal and I scream spiraling down, down ~----
I awake gasping and clutching .
my chest. My heart races and my brow sweats. Franticly my eyes sweep the room. There is a
black, morpheous, pall seeping out the Room.
"Damn you! Damn you!" The land of Broken Dreams only
laughed.
I pulled the covers up tight around me as I sat in the fetal poision. I
had to bury my head and cover my chest. I couldn't let myself sleep now.
I wanted to cry.
I couldn't thought. All I could do was shiver and I hated it. I felt
out of controll. There was this one fly, or was it a Wasp, that was flying around the
room. It anoyed me. I lay back trying to relax, never leting my chest go bare, but now
protecting my back as well. The door was locked and my penis limp.
"Tommorrow perhaps. Perhaps tommorrow I will make that
journey."
It was a fly that rested on my borw as I began again to fall asleep.
Not quite restfully.
I walked briskly down the halls and corridors trying to stay awake.
My advisor loomed at the end of the hall leading .
to my throne room. I quickened my pace. My boots clapped down the hall and my cape
fluttered in the breeze.
"Sleep well last night, Sire?"
I stopped in my tracks as I passed the Beast and he spoke those words.
I grimaced and glared at the Black Advisor. I walked into the throne room whirled about
and seated myself.
"Advisor." I called with all the contempt I could muster.
"Yes, Sire?" He spoke willing to please until he could stab
me.
"Clear my appointments. I'm going out to day."
"As you wish sire." I began to walk out when he finished
with, "I'll met you there."
Again I stopped in my tracks. This time I smiled and began to walk
again. Under my breath I mumbled,
"You're
in for a surprise."
I knew where the Beast was going to go. I thought I was going to the
mine of the Emporer. I wasn't. I wanted to be near a freind. I was going to visit the Cat.
I met the Cat and we went out with plans. Some of them were carried
out. The Cat was in a very jocular mood. He .
wanted to play. He just couldn't reallize his damn claws were sharp. I was getting ready
to deffend myself but Teddy Bear was there at his lair. Family affairs were comeing into
play.
I decided to leave, our day unfinished as always. He often reminded me
of Death Dealer in that way. *If you are confused - you are not
alone. I think this is because this is about the time Death Dealer became more of a symbol
then the representation of Marc and what we did. The Cat became the name for Marc now -
Death Dealer only applied under certain circumstances - As a close and revered friend, but
feared Nemesis*
The Calm struggleing Alien was about wearing tiger claws and trying to
be a self-styled Giver of Darkness. He failed misserably. I wish I could take my sword and
slash off all that strain, he's really a good person when he doesn't try.
I came home and layed down dismayed. I seem to expect too much of the
people around me. Or do I? I must, no one else seems this dissatisfied. I lay there
thinking really of nothing. All I remember is trying to keep
my eyes open and my ears shut. There were two lands I didn't need to hear from.
Not at all.
Funny how you can't
stop in the same river twice.
Or come home, the same home.
"Logan Aetrau! Where have you been?"
"Out. Logan is ten now and he can cross the streets as long as his
faithfull
sword is at his side."
=back=
"Remember these years Logan Kenneth Aetrau. It's simple now,
and when
you're 18 you'll wish you where 1Ø."
=back=
"I'm sorry, Coach Byrd. I didn't mean to break the wall. I
feel bad, really.
Let me help you put it back up."
=back=
"Oh, Sire. Your eyes are a 1ØØ% better. Here let me stain the
right one
and check it out."
=back=
"No! Not twice, Damn it! I did it twice! Damn you Beast! Damn
you!" I
yelled as I wiped the crime from my face.
=back=
"$15 coins of gold for a crime I didn't committ, but didn't admit.
Done
behind there backs"
=back=
"We could just be a heap of clock Sensi."
=back=
"It's okay, Grandma. The scithe is good my shoulders and
back."=back=
"That felt good. Refreshing. Good to be back in the swing."
=back=
"Where should I run? Not to far, I must come back."
=back=
BUZZZZZ* "Oh, good
another day."
Present - "Damn this day. My eye was stained black by Ken."
© 2000 February (Date implied by entry date, Date of copyright covers web publication)
| Back | Journal Gateway | Forward |