Book 4 July 7 1984 to November 8 1984

8407.11

Last night I came home this morning. I leapt out of bed with the alarm. I looked in the mirror and saw my eyes. I smiled to the reflection like some vain fool and I saw my eyes. I dresssed myself, put on my glove and then my glasses. My glasses were clean and I could see my eyes.
The pupils contracted, they were small. I looked toward the light and they shrank even more. Then I looked the Beast in the eye. All that darkenss and the pupils expanded they opened up. Then I realized what I'd known all along. Even those eyes are a disgiuse.

I have a new glove. Its black, its leather, it has a seal, its difficult to take off but its done often. But the fingers are open so I can feel through them, if I want. If I want.

8407.12

(Sigh!)

Where have all the good men gone? Where are all the gods? Are all heros only persons thrown into surcomestance?
Is there good and evil or only the balances of nature? If you eliminate one force, the other must become stagnet. Good can only work if tinged with evil? Evil can only work if tinged with good? No.
Evil will propagate among itself as long as survival of the individual is in the forefront. Yet if an evil man stops a greater evil, he is known as a hero - and element of good.
Good among itself becomes stagnet. Good tinged with survivel becomes evil.
Proposition; Evil propagates among itself and spawns good. Good stagnates and becomes evil which propogates among itself and produces a campatible good.

The Dark can live without light, but would light be recognized without the dark. Good is controlled by the evil around it, for if there was no evil to controll it the . good would not exist.

(Sigh) Think about it.

8407.13

My crown buzzed about my head and I turned to swat the more annoying ones with my gloved hand. Then I realized, they are my boon, I can't remove then or they multiply.
I sit in my throne and brood. I watch the beast in his crown of gold and cloaks of red kneel before and dictate my moves. I wondered if I could match him in a game of chess or Hamlet. He looked up and his eyes stared deep into me and he smiled. I then spat into the void he uses as a face and kicked his crown from his head.
I left as he chased down the rolling crown.
"Don't worry my meger Lord," I said, "What goes around comes around." I stated smiling and noding to the spiral movement of crown.
> Where do you go? <
"I go to find a Preist."
> Judas? <
"I'd rather met Jerimania the repentant. No, I'll look for Joyce or Marc."
I walked out of the room and . left the Bastard behind, I thought.
As I walked it soon became dark around me and the sound of back-tracking music floated into my ears. In this void of darkness I threw out my scarlet cloak, and it began to float back to me. So I sang to it, in EHT DNAL FO DETSIWT SGNOS.
"I saw you there - just standing there and I thought I was only dreaming you - I kiss you then - then once again. You said you would come and dance with me / Dance with me - across the sea. We can feel the motion of a thousand dreams.
Come with me - and make believe - We can travell to eternity.
If at night, give such delight we'll all leave before the morning light"
The scarlet cloak floated in toward me, it became darker as it did.
"No! Please don't bring your love on me / take away my name
Please don't breath your love on me I'll never be the same."
The cloak hovered a moment then turned and began to float away.
"Please don't go, No, please don't go Because I don't want to stay here on my own."
But it payed no heed, it floated off into the void, ever further away.
"Babe if you will, a picture. Of you and I engaged in a kiss.

The sweat of your body covers me.
Can my Darling, can you picture this?
If we stand in a courtyard ...
Oceans and violets in bloom
Animals would strike curious poses,
They felt the heat, the heat between me and you
Touch if you will my stomache
Feel how it trembels inside
You've got the butterflys all tied up.
How, How can you just leave me standing
Knowing the worlds so cold?
Maybe I'm just too demanding
Maybe I'm just like my father, two-fold.
Maybe your just like my mother,
She's never satisfied.
Why do we scream at eachother
This what it sounds like, when doves cry."
> Very touching Master. <
"Go away wicked one."
= Such names! I don't have to stand here and be insulted! =
"Then why do you?" The eyes looked dumbfounded. "Take me home. I'm lost."
= Again =
"Again"
= I'm sorry I can't take you home. =
"Why not?"
= You haven't got a home. No one can give you the love you need. =
"That's your fault though."
= I know = he said and chuckeled.
A fly then bit me and I bleed.
I walked past that void and wandered out on my own.

8407.15

The Valkery flew down and sat with me in the throne room. We watched the last starfighter fly away happy. We watched dreams come true.
We then turned to each other and talked. Imagination and its limits were out topic. We found no limits thus we talked for quite some time. We found this topic no only limitless, and awesome, but scary. We laughted in the face of terror and prayed that were limits. yet we realizzed if there were limits we wouldn't be so great. If there were limits then we would be stagnet.
I retired to bed at 3 o'clock that morning. I fell asleep quickly and fell into thoughts and visions of sin. Pleasurable sin. Violent sin. I was constantly cousious, giddy, and r reluctant yet also always excited and pleasured. My lover was drunk, confused and violent but we satisfied each other and I was pleased.
I was sorely dissappointed to wake. with the Beast and Judas looming over me and my erection.
"Get the Hell out of here!" I yelled. "Get, Get out! And send my that scarelt Harlet. she needs to bless my child."
They ran and did my bidding.

8407.16

> You are a strange King < spoke the Beast to me as I put on my mocisins.
"No stranger than you, Bastard."
> Such name's Is that any way to talk to you counselor? <
"Your not my counselor, Your not even my friend."
> I'm hardly your keepsake. <
"True. You're my curse and I've taken your off my throne." I then left him in the back room and I left the castel. Walking in mocisins.
These are for you Brown-wolf, I thought. To show I walk in support of your journey into the spiritual. I pray for you, I thought as I turned out my lantern and walked in the dark.
Suddenly there was fire-light elumination and I saw the naked body of Brown-wolf hanging by his neck from a tree. I turned to the darkness and found a blacker spot.
"DAMN YOU! Can't I go anyhwere with out you and you Blasphemys!!!?"
I siezed the massive figure of the Beast and began to kick him with my mocisins.
"YOU ARE HEREBY BANISHED! THIS WAS A CERIMONY OF FAITH! AND YOU HAVE BLASPHEMYED IT! I WILL NO TOLETATE THIS . IMAGE! REMOVE IT NOW!"
The Beast struggeld and threw me into a bush of Thorns. I was stung and bleeding. I looked to the image to see a skeleton hanging from the tree and Myself hanging from the skeleton.
I rose from the bush with a large stick full of thorns. The Beasts laughter turned to whimpering.
"You make me sick!" I screamed as I impaled him against the tree. The image died.
The flys buzzed in harmony with the fury of my anger and blood stained my glove and cloak. I was breathing hard and there were pains in my chest and throat. From under my breath I rasp out my next comands.
"I expect to see you in my castel and court. But you will stay there only! I swear I'll beat you back there every time I see you outside of those bountrys. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" I rasp in contempt.
> I understand my -lord. = he whimpered out of his void.
"Good, Then leave for there now!" I unpined the dark lord and he ran back into the shadows.

I droped the stick of Thorns and turned to the black area where the false image once glimmered. I set down the lantern and turned it on. The area was illuminated.
"For your hopes and vision Brown-wolf. May they be clearer than mine.' I began to walk off then I turned and added, "Or at least better."
I walked off draging my scarlet cloak in the dirt behind me.
I headed to the castel and wondered were the Cat was, I found him asleep. Then I wondered about Theseus. Where was he when I needed his skills. No matter. Oneday I must fend for my self.
* * * Heh, what a strange thought for a King.

* Brown-wolf was going through an Indian right of passage. The one that involves piercing the skin and 'suspending' yourself in search of visions. (It has been seen somewhat inaccurately in some movies. Please don't try this with out the proper religious guidance). I was invited to attend. The more I heard of what the ritual initialed I felt I would contaminate the spirit of the ceremony. I however support his desires to perform the ritual - In fact admired (envied) him for doing it.
I was in my own battle though. I had visions of my own to contend with. I was determined to fight and win. *

8407.17

"Sir?" said the page boy not wishing to disturb his King.
"Sir, are you dreaming?" His musing King turned looking grim. He smiled and said,
"Everythings a dream when your alone, lad. What brings you to me?"
"Your cloak and crown, sir. I'm to get you ready to start the day." The boys face was bright and eager. He so wanted to help his King. The King admired his spirit and so treated him with the love of a Grandfather visiting his lost . grandson.
"You do that, son. You do that." The King knelt at the feet of the boy. The boy carefully placed the heavy wieght of the scarlet cloak on the shoulders of his King. He said nothing about the burns and blisters he saw on the sholders of his King. Then he delicately places the wreath of flys upon the bitten brow of his master.
The King then stood and smiled down on the page - boy.
They both began to walk, side by side, down the hall to the castels courtyard.
"Sir?" said the child as he looked up to his King. The King nodded.
"Sir, why haven't you a queen?"
"Such questions for a youth." said the King in jest. "There are reasons, son. First, Men who love leave hostages for Fortune."
The boy looked puzzeled and the King didn't explain any further.
"Also, my advisors say it isn't politicaly correct for such a move now." The boy chuckeled and the King looked to him inquizitively.
"You mean that fat, ugly black man is your advisor?!"
The King smiled wide and answered,
"He's hardly a man."
They both laughted on down the Hall. They reached the . courtyard and the laughter suddenly stopped. For there on the stairs there was a Harlet who bowed to the king called cocaine. That kings brand was all over her arms and ran down her legs. She lay there with puke on her bossom next to a starving blind man.
The King looked down and saw the gapping mouth of the pageboy and took pity. He knelt by the side of the boy.
"Look boy, Look there. You see they're victims. Victims of themselves and those around them. There is a saying, son, that went "Every man for himself and God against all." That maybe true but ther are two ways to beat it. If you believe in God, any god, and let that burn bright and never go dim then you are safe. If not help the others around you. Love circulates."
The boy smiled to his King but the King remained Grim. "Go." spoke the King. "Go back to your chores. I don't want you around when my advisor gets here."
The page boy left, and never returned as a boy.

8407.18

I sat in my throne. Buzzing wreath of flys about my bitten brow, reflective suglasses on my eyes, a cloak of scarlet on my shoulders, a leather glove of black on my left hand, a chain of gold round my neck, loop of gold in my left ear, wearing a coustume of black. I make a strange King.
My face-less black-voided advisor opens the Court doors and intorduces the days entertainment. Jesters, Jokers, Harliquins, Actors and Pretenders danced about infront of me. I was very interested and surprised, no harlets in the group. The Beast usally see's there's at least on in the group.
There play was about animals. The Chameleons danced about and protrayed Ratts and White Snakes. There was a Def Lepord, a Box of Frogs and an Ant named Adam. All were in Dire Straights and danced around there April Wine.
Suddenly the festivitys were interupted. There came to my court a small boy, dirty and blonde. He carried a sword twice his size. This child warrior came and Knelt at my feet then asked for sancuary in my kindness.
I made him rise and then grantded him what he wished.

"How does a boy like you survive in the world of warriors?" I asked looking upon this scraggely boy.
"I can't die, yet." he spoke.
"Yet?" I spoke, "You mean you are unable to die?"
"Yes, Lord." spoke the child.
"I'm no Lord. I am King. Why are you unable to die?"
"You can't kill a child,.. King. You can only kill the bad parts."
I thought, pondered a moment, then laughed.
"Counselor, put this boy up in a fine room then grant him nothing without my approval first."
> Sir? <
"Do it! We have a new member in our court. He can stay here as long as he is a child."
I am a strange King. Laughing at my advisors and granting a child warrior a haven.

8407.19

"Your name Child?" I asked of the dirty boy with the shiny sword.
"Logan." spoke he in short manner of elusive children.
"Does your sword have a name?"
"Yes."
"Well, what is it?" I asked like Grandfather.
"Ask him." spoke back the boy.
I laughed at the little game. I asked the sword its name, I recieved no . answer from the sword, or the boy. We walked quite some way enjoying the easy stroll of the path.
"Logan, should you have a bath?"
"No." was the simple answer.
Suddenly reality jumped us in the face. It roared loudly and beared its green claws.
"Stand my King!" shout Logan like a hero of fantasy. The heros music almost played in the silence as he swung about that sword twice his size. That monster was quickly sent on its way.
"Nice sword." I commented. As I viewed the very dirty boy. "Battle makes you dirty." I said.
Logan swung the sword then proptly cut himself in twain. He was not hurt, but he was now imaculately clean.
"Powerful sword. Sure you can handel it?" I said like a parent.
"Only children can. This is the sword of never ending children."
We finished our walk. I wanted that sword. But knew I'd never have it. I was no longer a child. But at least I could watch the sword in the hand of a competant. Watch and learn.

8407.2Ø

I was brooding one day in my throne. The flies buzzed visiously about my head stinging hard. Under my Cloak and high colar the heat was vast. Sweat often hit my reflective lenses.
I watched the sun set and the light fade. Soon I was alone in the dark. I couldn't tell if I was dreaming - everythings a dream whe your alone. There's no one to fool but yourself, most of the time thats easy.
Logan walked in with a sword and a flash-light. A strange combination I thought.
"Sire, are you asleep?" asked Logan as suprized to see me, I think, as I was to see him.
"No, I am not. Worse, I'm thinking."
"You are a strange King. Thinking thinking is a bad thought."
I chuckeled.
"No, son, I just think in the wrong directions."
"Sire?"
"Yes." I answered.
"Why are you wearing sunglasses?"
"I wear sunglasses at night so I can't keep track of visions in my eyes. I wear them at night so I can see the love right before my eyes and so I can forget my name."

"Foget your name?" giggeled Logan.
"No," I said, "That wouldn't be important to you now."
"Why are you a strange King?" he asked.
"I'm not strange. I am unique because I have an unusuall court. I am probibly the only King who keeps his tratiors as friends. I am surrounded by tratiors but I expect there betrayals and try to rule around them."
"Tratiors? asked Logan.
"Yes, of course. The Beast is my advisor. My priest is Judas. My best friend is Death Dealer and My brother is Loki. He shall soon return. Then theres the biggest tratior of them all."
"Who?" asked Logan in awe.
"Me."
"Is that the only reason your strange?" He asked.
"No. I'm also strange because I grant sanctuary to Renaigade Child Warriors." We both giggled.
"Logan only protect his little dream." He said.
"But that little realitiy wouldn't have hurt your dream, yet you struck him down."
"But realities like to eat dreams. I have to keep them away."
"Maybe. You should be in bed. Dreaming more."

8407.22

How high was the Red man
I was proud I was strong
You were the white man
And you stole away my home
Now I am a wooden Indian
Painted dreams inside my head
Times away you bring me down
And make me wish that I was dead

How high was the Red man
My passing made no sound
You were the White man
And you drove me in the ground
Now I am a wooden Indian
Standing silent in the the rain
Swear by my Grandfathers father
Were gonna rise again

How high is the Red man
I am proud I am strong
You where the White man
And you stole away my home
Now I am a wooden Indian
Standing silent in the rain
Swear by my Grandfathes father
I have risen again

Brown-wolf, my friend, my brother. You have been an insperation, a guide and a help to me. You have the ability to race through any barrier and get to the core of any problem. Some of your dreams scare me, mostly because I know you will achieve them. But I know . you have the wisdom to guide those dreams.
I'm sorry to see you go. I think your too good for the Green masses. But they will serve you well.
Please don't forget this tired old King named Brutus J.J. Scarriot. Remember me as Damon D'artagnon Killgrave, the friend. May your Gods be with you.
You look great in that Mohawk.

* Brown-wolf all so joined the army. To get a 'head start' on his head shaving he got an ancestral mohawk. *

© 1998 September (Date implied by entry date, Date of copyright covers web publication)