Book 4 July 7 1984 to November 8 1984

The birth of a King

Introduction: With the beginning of this book I decided to combine all my internal symbolism. An effort to write a continuing saga rather then a bunch of independent units. I wanted one coherent world of things to wander about in. I knew I was in a battle and I had to pick the battle ground. Better to have one then to make one up for each battle. It started as an experiment that was meant to last for only this notebook - But I came back to this world again and again. It was a steady reflection of my waking world.

8407.07

I watched Eddie and the Crusiers. Very good movie. His thoughts screamed Arist. He had the music, someone helped him express his words.
I walk down stairs and undress. I look at a certain drawer, think for a moment, reach toward it, then turn away and deprive myself.
I lay down and try to sleep. The cat is stalking about, making noises, I can't sleep. I lie very still, think of placid pools. I never get that image, it's never clear, but I fall asleep trying. I sleep dreamless sleeps.
I awake the next morning. At least I think I was awake, I've often been told I sleep-walk. I don't have time for breakfast, I don't have time to wash my self. I feel trapped under a layer of plastic-grease and my mouth feels like scum.
Gymnastics! I have to get moving. I run to the car and start the engine. The engine roars to life then purrs as I fasten my seat-belt and put on my sun-glasses. There is no radio. I listen only to the breeze, the whine of the engine, and the scream of the engines.
I arrive at Grandma's house and out strides Marc. He's my friend, probibly my best, maybe my only. I feel so guilty when I . look at him wrong.
We speed off to Gymnastics. Conversation is lose, often sarcastic, sometimes arguemenitive. We arive at the white building, lock the car doors, and enter.
We begin to strech out and the girls begin to filter in. I really admire Marc. He's everything I'm not.
His body is finely tuned, it works like a machine and will respond to his every comand. He is a superb gymnast, exellent warrior, profound genius. His skin is very tan, it veries in tone about his body, darkest on his back, lighest on his legs. He works as a gardener, he's in the sun all day. Yet he never burns, never peels. This skin is tight on his body and shows every ounce of hard work that he put into it. That skin is never marked or scared by anything he doesn't want. B12 he say's will keep chiggers from biting, he's quik enough to kill anyother bug trying to bite him. Scars he likes, means his skin is getting tougher. Most times his wounds scab up and heal leaving no permenate marks, but there are a few. Blisters and calouses are his faviore *favorite* skin hardeners. His hands I've always admired. Often blistered or scabed, the skin . is very tough. They often feel wet, yet they're always warm. Those hands carry so much skill. They are his weapons, his speach, and his art. These hands are large and muscular, yet the fingers are long and gracefull, easily recognized as those of an artist, and a fighter.
Marc is a beautiful man, but I never alow that thought to cross my mind in a physical sence without due punishment. Actually I'm very good on that point. I realize my friends are different, thus I don't tempt myself by alowing certain images in my mind. It's a discipline, one I can keep reasonibly well.
Coach Byrd comes out and claps his hands, class is to begin. Byrd is a reall nice guy. He knows his subjects and will only tell you what he knows. That's why he is such a good Coach. Another reason he's good is because he cares, he worries, but only within limits. Afterall he is a Coach and he has 13 students to worry about, and only 2 hours to do it in. It's kind of strange he has a small tear-shaped mark under his eye, its black on his brown skin. Makes him look like he's crying, sort of.
We start pad drills. We start off easy with a few timber-rolls . and back-extensions then work our way up to harder things. The new student finishes signing all the liability papers and hands them back to Byrd and joins us in the pad drills. Marc just automaticly started talking to him like they were friends. Marc always had that talent. He can talk to anyone, he will talk to anyone, until they do something to make him hate them. Marc had that kind of vision that let him go anywere, do anything and work your way through it. He had the blindness men wished for.
We moved from floor to vault. I always liked vault, its like flying. Except Byrd always held me down, he said one day I'd die on that vault.
"Get on like a feather, block and fall off like a rock!" Byrd would coach.
"Coach, don't rocks shatter?"
I would ask. He never answered.
Marc jogged down the runway hit the board and did a perfect handspring. The new student trotted down and did a very good handspring. Byrd spoted him a little but he sure vaulted better than he worked floor. Now it was my turn.

The horse was turned long, the way men were suposed to vault. I've never done it like this before, Marc and the new guy had. Chris, the other Coach, much like Byrd only with a beard and alot more quite (they both even had missing fingers), was down at the vault with Byrd to help spot me.
I ran down, hurdeled to the board and sprung up. Chris hit me hard in the chest, to straighten me out. I landed short on the horse and Byrd tired to arch out my back more so I wouldn't fall on the horse and die. My body contorted in the air and just missed hitting the horse. I straightened out and went rigid like a rock waiting for the safty of the crash mat. Just before I landed the words >but don't rocks shatter < went through my mind. When I did land the mat wasn't soft and it shattered under me like so much glass. I was falling into an abyss.
In the darkenss as I fell there was sound. Like a tape being played backwards. Suddenly I landed hard in the darkness and a deep voice said
= EMOCLEW OT EHT DNAL FO DETSIWT SGNOS == *The letters are backwards also*
Then there was silence in the . dark. Then came a thruming sound.
> If you could see my mind
* If you really look deep then maybe you'll find
* Back somewhere there will a place
* Hidden behind my chameleon face
* * * "What?" I muttered
* You will find somewhere there is a house
* * * "Are the windows broken?" I ask
* And inside that house there's a room
* Locked in the room in the corner you see
* A Voice is waiting for me
* To set it free.
* * * * * The voice singing was mine.
* I got the key - I got the key
* Voices, I hear Voices
* In my head the Voice is waiting
* Waiting for me
* To set it free
* I locked it inside my imagination
* But I'm the one with the combination
* The people didn't like what the Voice did say
* So I took the Voice and I locked it away
* I got the key - I got the key
* Voices, I hear Voices
* Voices, I hear Voices ==
* * * * * Then the voice of the Beast
* * * * * goaded me on
~ Don't look back, look straight ahead
* Don't turn away the "voices" say

* Don't look back, Yesterdays gone
* Don't turn away, You can take me on ~
= Voices! I hear Voices = I scream.
Then started a deeper tone, and differnt words.
= It's later on a Wednesday
* Sun is going down
* I'm standing naked by a swiming pool
*There's, no one around
* My imagination wanders back
*Were dust is always there
* We lay together in the jungel
*and love, was in the - air
* As I dive into the water
*All time and motion freeze
* I'm hanging there suspended
*Like a feather in the breeze
* And below is your reflection
*Like an image from the past
* But I can't be sure if its really you
*Because your wearing a tribal mask =
* * * I see these images and blunder on
* * * threw. I'm looking for a way out
* * * But my emotions run high
= Take it off ⁽I demand⁾ Take off the Mask!
* Take it off - Take off the Mask!
* Take it off! Take off that Mask!
* Take it off! Take off that damn Mask!
* * There's no way of Knowing how long it must remain
* * Standing like a staute and whispering your name
* * But suddenly its over
* * And I begin to fall
* * But the swimming pool is empty now

* No water there at all
* * I find myself in a room ⁽the same very damn room⁾ empty and despair
* With nothing but a mirror
*And I know your waiting there
* I'm looking for an answer
*But I don't know who you ask
* I see my own relfection
*But his time ... I got the Mask
* * Can't take it - Can't take it
* * Can't take it! Can't take it!!!
* * Take it off! Take off this Mask!!
* * Get it off! Take off this Mask!! ==
* * * * I ran in my hysteria, pulling and tugging at my painted face from the inside looking out. As I ran other songs, other voices sang out and beat against my sanity.
= These are your Golden years
* Angel, run for the shadows
* When there's lightning, you know
*it always brings me down, it just
*shows me I'm a Rainbow in the dark
* Dancing in the Dark
* You've entered the twilight zone, soon
*the Bullet hits the Bone
* A Million to one when a Million
*to war
* Eyes, you have Eyes with out a face =

"No," I yelled to that last voice.
"I wear Sunglasses at night so I can, 'gasp' so I can keep track of the visions in my head."
There was silence, only my breathing.

Then there was wind, a hot wind. I footsteps. I turned and was in a desert and before me an Exciter, an image of Lust.
"Poses me" it stated
"Are you flesh or fantasy?" I asked.
"I'm as reall as you let me be."
"Then I deny me. You can't stay."
The image faded like a marage.
"How can you leave me knowing the world is so cold. Why do we always scream at each other?
Maybe your just like my mother.
She's never satisfied. Maybe I'm just like my father - two-fold. This is what it sounds like, when doves cry."
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* * It's tomorrow. I must sleep. I'll finsh later.
*A note here on - The Land of Twisted Songs. Ever wonder what the soundtrack to your life would be like? I'm very affected by music. I think lyrics are as important as the music - it is after all the lyric that grips your soul and makes you want to sing along. Many parts of the poetry can hit home. Many of the ones you like have a similar theme. This creation allowed me to write down the lyrics that affected me (even in pieces), to combine them together by theme, to use them in conversation - even against or to each other. Very little of what is above are my words - they are song lyrics that where popular at the time. Not my words, but my feelings - my interpretation - and my organization.*

8407.08

I walked into this desert, hot and sandy. I thought I'd left the DNAL FO DETSIWT SGNOS. Thought I'd left it.
I wandered for hours in the sun, trying to stay on the shady side of the road, but I couldn't even find the road.
Finally I found a tree, a big shade tree in the middle of this desert. It was soil under the tree, not sand. I sat down on the cool soil and leaned against the tree for rest.
A breeze came by and it was cool. The tree was strong and . large. Its branches reached out far. I circled around the tree and was shocked.
This side of tree was rotten and hollowed. The flys swarmed over it's core and continued to eat it away. Even more surprizing there were two skeletons lieing at the base of this side. One was on top of the other. They obviously died making sex in the heat.
I was worried about the tree. I didn't want it to die. One side was so healthy and strong. Suddenly I got and idea. I climbed the strong side of the tree. Up on a strong limb I found a pod, the tree's seed. I picked the seed and held it tight. There was a creek, then the tree fell over on its rotten side.
I climbed out of the tragidy, holding that seed tight. I thought to plant it were I stood, then I remembered. A tree can not grow in the shadow of another tree. I didn't know what to do, there was no good soil around to plant the seed in. Then I noticed the skull of the man had rolled out from under the tree. I picked it up and filled the empty cavity with the good soil. There I planted the seed and took the skull to a good spot.

"Now," I said to myself. "To find away out of here."
Again I flowndered out into the desert.
Soon in my travel I met three warriors. Fandral the Dashing, Hogun the Grim, and lestly Volstagg the 'Valiant'. They alowed me to join them in there travels and I followed in there impressive shadows.
In the travels I grew to know them one at a time. Fandral was first that I knew. His blonde hair and his flashing sword what I remember best. He always deffended me, wether I wanted it or not.
Next I knew Hogun. Black hair and brown eyes. I remember his gambling prowse at dradels.
Lastly and mistakenly I knew Volstagg "The Voluminous". His stature was big, his gurth large. What I remember most about him was his valiant lies and excuses to get him out of the responsiblitys he demanded he should have.
They went out and fought imaginary battles, I followed around and made the children laugh. I'd talk in funny voices, and make funny faces. They would laugh, and my imagination grew young and vast.
One day while I was entertaining . children they left, and I was lost.
Suddenly I was thrown into a world without children. The battles were real and I'd never fought. People here sent me against a Dragon , when runing from the fire I'd run into a wall. It wasn't fair, I retreated further into my childhood.
Then the beast began to grow.
In my frantic struggels I met two men. One was Calmly struggeling against his Alienation, the other searched for a soul. They made me there Captian. I told them I didn't want the title, but it was mine. I tired to lead as best I could by making desisions for myself and setting an exampel. I let them make the desisions on wether to follow.
Soon there deisions lead them elsewhere. When they left the Beast in me was grown and Gallifrey was born from my thigh.
I walked for years alone. Then one day in desperate need of a drink, food and bath I came upon a man standing in a pool. As I approached I counted 3Ø,16Ø steps to the pool. As I came closer I noticed the man carried a baby. I noticed the . man looked familiar.
I approached the tall, slender yet strong man, I watched him dip the baby in the water. This tan, bearded man looked to me as a farmer. As I reached the pools edge both the man and an ox looked at me.
"May I please have some drink and food, and perhaps a bath?"
"You may." said the man and an Ass kicked me into the pool. I came dirty, this was a sess pool. The man laughed and introduced himself as Cat. Then took me in for wine and bread. The bread was tough so I fed some of it to the ravens fluttering about.
"You are an intresting man" I said of my guest. "I feel as though I know you already." and the Beast roared.
"You will know me much better. Were did you say you were from?" he asked.
"The Dark side." Cat just laughed.
"Would you please paint me an Angel." asked Cat.
"Show me an Angel, then I'll paint it."
Cat suddenly turned transformed. There was a Chiro emblazoned on his chest. He was garbed in black and and hooded cloak cast many shadows about in the candel light.
"You Mock Me!?"

"No!" I cried "never."
I stayed with the Death Dealing Cat for a long time. Through him I met Theseus, Brown-wolf, and the Nomad of No-Land.
One night, while sleeping in the Basement, I had a nightmare. The Beast roared and rats came from out its maw to lie beside me. I saw my figure sculpted in Repousse. A sheep led Death Dealer to that image. It suddenly exploded and Demons poured out, all trying to kill Death Dealer. The Beast Roars in pleasure at this. Death Dealer dies and falls into his mothers arms making the Pieta' complete. The synagogue shook the Ecclesia fell. There was blood on my hands and 3Ø coins of gold in my pocket. "No!" I yell again and again. The Ass bays and kicks the body of Death Dealer.
^"NO!^" I yell as jerk awake in the dark. "All my fault! All my fault!"
"Be calm my freind." spoke the Cat. "The sleep of reason causes Monsters. Have faith and sleep again."
"The Sleep of reason may cause . monsters," I said. "But the closer you are to an animal in passion, emotion and lust, the more you must restrain yourself in reason."
As Death Dealer fell asleep I realised I was blind and there a glove on my left hand.
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still not finished. Still need sleep.
*"What is all this?" you ask. I'm summing up my entire life so far and the battles I've fought. This is all buried deep in symbolism for my feelings and the progression of life. I was studying Art History at the time so I had access to vast amounts of symbolism - especially those of a Religious nature.
For those trying to keep track - I have been through my childhood, Grade School and friends (the Norse heroes), Middle School and friends (you may have recognized their names) and started High School. I'm about to wrap up the background and start the process of day to day rendering of this world. Btw' -yes- I'm aware that I am mixing a lot of symbols here from different religions - periods in time - ect. I'm taking anything that I like and throwing it into the mix.*

8407.09

The next day I awoke to the smell of frying beef. I thought it was beef. As I climbed the stairs, my vision dim my reflexes slow, I triped and hurt my left hand. It wasn't bad but it throbed, the glove bound it together and eased the pain.
I crawled into the kitchen to see Cat cooking breakfast. He boiled some stew in spotless pot and turned over the meat. A lily decorated the table center.
"What smells so good my freind?"
"Fresh killed Bull." was his reply
"Bull?! I don't think I'm hungry."
"My Luke protect you." stated he.
I went outside into the court. I grabed a feed bucket and proceeded to earn my keep. I fed the Ox and the Ass and watched as the ravens perched next to an owl which was staring at me. Simply staring.
"My freind," said I as I walked . back in. "I must make a journey. I must go now and I must go alone."
"I understand. Please come back."
I packed my thing and went on my walk. A long trek of many miles. All in the darkness of my eyes.
I heard bleeting, the sound lead me to a sheep. I thought to leash it and have it lead me in my blind state. I couldn't leash the little animal so I followed its sounds. It never came close enough to touch. I wondered what a lamb was doing in the desert, perhaps runing from slaughter. This lamb lead me nowhere, no-where I needed to go, I was wrong there too.
I decieded to turn away from the sheep. But it had lead me onto a trecherous path. My stepping away was my slaughter.
I stepped into the thicket and was cut by Thorn's. To late to turn back I kept going on. I cried in pain but no one could hear. Then I emerged from the Thorns, and I could see.
"Everone can see here."
I turned to the voice and saw a man copletely devoid of both time and space. He was very . pale or very dark and he shuddered through space and time along his bizzare grid.
"Who are you?"
"I'm the fall apart Man. Both Man and Machine I analize and apoligize."
"Which side does which?" I asked.
"Both does each and niether. Each does Bothe and niether, Niether does Both and Each!"
"Where am I?" I asked more confused then helped.
"You ... Are inside yourself ... You are here ... You are on Galifrey."
"Gallifrey ... " I uttered. "Wow ... ... then the King will want to see me!"
"Not so my boy. You aren't that important. Travell about first."
Travell about I did. I saw many wierd sights. Harlots walked the street and Harliquins danced about. But the wierdest was this one man. He was big and very strong. He lead a Black Bear on a chain but couldn't controll the claws of the savage Beast. It would maul the cripple and tear out the eyes of the blind and all Jay B.J. Scariot did was apoligize and lead the Beast on. The Joker laughed at the Victims.
As the bear walked toward me an unknown man ripped off his face and tossed this mask to hide behind. Hide I did and the . Bear passed me up.
"Thank you friend." I said handing back the mask to the faceless man."
"I'm no friend of your's. I'm any one you want me to be."
"Be my friend."
"Okay." said he and put on a face, an ugly face, an angry face. The face in place the muscels grew. He reached out and tried to kill me.
"I said my friend!" as I battled for my life against this rabid monster.
"Isn't your killer your friend?" he asked.
"NO!" I yelled and the man turned yellow and ran.
"No ... he isn't .. .. Is he?"
I thought along time in the presents of scum and Harlots. Thought about the Chameleon and what he said. I wandered wondering for hours, until I ran into a wall. Dragon made of Bricks.
"Roar" It said.
"Your a Dragon?" I pondered.
"Roar, I am your Cell if not your master. You can be my dinner, roar, or be nothing."
He then flicked his Bic and began to smoke. I began to laugh.
"This world may not be able to out, but Hell if it will let you in!"

"I've eaten less than you." He said.
"But you'll never eat more. You can eat me if you like. But I think you'll have a hard time digesting me." I walked away Laughing.
"St. George never struck a better blow." I said to myself laughingly.
Suddenly a man appeared.
"Your wanted by the King! Run while you have the chance!" The old blind man died and melted away. Then I was in total Darkness.
I looked into the Dark and saw a Crown of gold vainly filled with presious stones. It sat on the head of the Beast who carried a golden septer.
"This Kingdom is Ruled by a Beast? This is hard to believe!"
>But True< he answered back.
"Wrong. I rule."
>You have no crown.<
"I don't need it. Die Beast."
>No not yet. I won't die without a fight. Demons's attack!<
Demon's emurged from the darkness and fought them with a sword. Cut them high and low while the Demon King Chanted.
>Boy you can't run
* Don't you know I'm have'n fun?
* Your a real good actor
* And you live a Mascarade
* Better keep that candel burning
* It's the only light you have

* ** And you Know --
* There are Demons in the Dark
* The screech, they howl, they Bark
* Your scared of the night
* Because you know you can't fight
* The Demons in the Dark.
* You can't run, You can't hide
* Your grasp is firm but you slide
* The light! It's too bright!
* But the darkness you must fight!
* It tempts you, taunts you, guides you
* You slip, you side you fall
* * * * Into the grasps of * * * <
"Demon's in the Dark BE GONE!!! I'll fight you one at a time like every other man."
The Demons scattered and fell back into the Dark. I then turned back to the Beast, the crown tilted on his scowl.
"You will now step down. I am King here and you will fasion me a modest crown to prove it."
The Darkness faded away and the Beast laughed. Yes, laughed. He already had a crown in mind. He ruled under a crown of gold. Death Dealer under one of Thorns. I ruled my kingdom in the light donned with a Wreath of Flies.
This is how I woke up on the mat - Coach Byrd lauging at my . fall.
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This story never really ends. I'll allways have something to write. Even if its meaningless to you.
Statemens and Confessions ---
thats all these are.
*Demon's in the Dark was an attempt of mine to write a song.*

© 1998 August (© implied by the date written - date reflects web publication)