Book 3 December 13 1983 to July 5 1984

8406.17

Let me out god Damnit! I don't like the Dark! Let me out! Can't anybody hear me?! Isn't anybody there? anybody?
I should have known, it stated with an Actress today. I felt hope in the search of my friends but something went wrong.
I had my new eyes in and I went searching to find no-one. The calm struggeling . Alien was gone. He has left and joined the great green mass of paper-men - primed to be burned.
I went to the lodge of Brown-wolf, he was nowhere to be found. Not surprising, wolves are often lone animals and I don't hapen to be in his tribe or small enought to be his cub. I can't even find his tracks.
I set out find Death Dealer. Eyes fell upon a vacant house, it appeared dead. Hello, I knocked. Hello, said my pounding. Hello? asked my rapping upon a locked chamber door.
Theseus was never really company to me. But I asked were our friend might be. He said he didn't know. I said I had droped by his home and he wasn't there. Which home, he asked. His home, said I, where else would I check? That home, said he, has been empty since Wensday. Wensday, I uttered. Didn't you know? spoke he.
You knew I didn't know. Otherwise you wouldn't have asked which house when you knew one was vacant.
I again set out for Death . Dealer. I couldn't find him, I had no adress for a destiny. I couldn't call, He left no number. The Cat simply sliped away.
That Damn Apocalyptic Lion didn't tell me he moved! He tells me his mothers gone, drops it casual in conversation, yet fails to tell me he's left one home and gone to another. He didn't tell me he left!
I want to yell, I want to scream I want to lash out and strike an object! But I can't. Something holds me back. Even if I strike at an object it isn't even in a 1Ø^th of strength or rage. I simply can't strike out. For some reason I feel I haven't that right. Damn that feeling! Damn it.
I can't even right these feelings. it usally takes me half an hour for a page of words, of feelings. It's taken me over an hour to stumble over this .. .

No wonder my eyes came out so easy. I didn't want to see anymore.
God I hate the smell of Shit, espeacilly in the dark.
Isn't there anyone out there?

*Just a note : when I talk about my new eyes and taking them out. I am speaking metaphorically and about my new contact lenses.
Also, You may remember my mentioning that maybe Marc's family was going to move. This had been talked about for a long time - and Marc didn't like to talk about it, so I was often left in the dark about what was happening. Well, here I find out that his family has moved away and he has moved in with his Grandparents so he can finish his last year of high school.*

8406.18

I saw the Cats new den. I was invited after my anger was lightly known. We went out later. We saw a movie. Ghost-busters.
A team of funny men lunge into the unfunny world of killing beasts.
I went out and became intacocated. I rampaged through the night with Death Dealer strapped down, trying to restrain me.
I dropped him house and saw that he was in. Then again tore threw the night in my flaming chariot of red.
I began to sing. I sang opera in Gallifreian. I sang three parts. The damsel in siprano, the villian in hoarse base, the man in tenor-base.
I sang the Damsel fighting the Villianous beast. I sang the Villian in controll. I sang the Damsel pleadding. I sang the Villians violence. I sang the man. I sang the man fighting the Beast, the Damsel pleading for an end. I sang the Villians upper-hand. I sang the mans striving. I sang the Villians Victory.
Then as the spices wore off I sang the man and the Damsel departing, in broken love. I sang it all in Gallifreian, for that's were the opera came.

8406.19

Somethings wrong. The world will spin tommorrow like any other day, so we can have an-other day. That's not whats wrong. But something about is.

8406.2Ø

8402.08 supplimental roles are changed by character.

"You'll sign that slip!" Bitched the beautiful whore.
"I will not. I told you I would read it then decide. This has war writen all over it! I will not sign this Draft!"
"It's not a Draft! It says your alive and 18."
"So I can be Drafted. I am alive. I know it! They don't have to."
"You'll sign it!" order the unclean witch.
"No."
"Go in there now! They will tell you I'm right. It's not a Draft. They'll tell you."
"I hope so." stated I.

One floor, one office.
"I have a question."
"Not here. Down there please."
"Thank you ... .. .. I have a question."
"Not here. Down there please."
"Okay ......... I have question."

"not here." Stated they again.
"Stand in that line."
"Okay . . .. . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .^........_.........^........_.........^........_........^.............
*A dotted line that actually circles around and goes up and down* -Oh, I have a question."
"Not here. Down there."
"They told me to come here."
"Sorry, maybe over-there."
"Is there anybody that can explain this to me?"
"No sir. Just whats writen here on the Draft."
I won't sign a Draft."
"But Sir, its not a draft."
Aarrg! ~'--------~---~----

"Leave now. I'm done."
"You signed?"
"No one will talk to me so I signed the Fucking thing and sent it away from me. Now drive! My eyes are cloudy and dry."

We arrived and I was spern and that forceful Husy was praised by the serpents for her good deed. I love you mother but that was something I didnot want to do. In a strange way you Knocked me out just like Death Dealer.
I hate your uncle Death Dealer. Everyones your realitive but me, isn't that right?

8406.21

Today was the punch line of the joke preceeding. Gosh, I laughed reall hard.

The storms came down heavy today and landed in my eyes. The clouds were thick, and my horse had to swim. Those clouds drown my horse!
The mother of creation told me how to revieve him, but the ritual was sick.
I pulled out his heart and wrung it free of all liquid. I put it back and drown him again in blood. I pushed him, pulled him by the tounge. He whiney and bay almost in pain. He bucked and faunched and tryed to kill me. All the time I yell live! Live! Live!
Live he did, but not in time to aviod the wraith of the Dominator or get to the class of Arts past.
The rains pounded insanely upon the roof and I hoped for a quiet. I enjoyed the eye of that cloudless storm.
I can see you laughing Death Dealer. Ot-ah, Don't get deffencive. Don't stand up to me with your faith and preach your Peter Pan advise. I don't want to hear it! But answer me this. If . your king why do I wear the crown of Thorns?
I saw a painting. Late Byzintine durning the Holy Roman Empire. There was a ramshackle hut frame pounded together by a carpenter. All the nails were crooked. The carpenter was leaving, having hurt his thumb, the face behind the beard showed no disernable emotion.
Very sad painting. But I noticed one more thing. Ants were holding that frame up, despereately.

8406.22

The Yellow rose is in bloom and she is beautiful. We had fun and talked, talked for hours. Then the rains came and she began to soak the water into her roots from the dessert soil, but I only got wet.
I left her to her nutreants and went on my way. Soon she will be in full blosom.
She wants to met Death Dealer. I won't stop it, she asked nice enough. They seem a voilitol mix, yet strangely akin - Yin/Yang, Life/Death, Light/Dark, Yellow/Black.
Let music Surround me, please.

8406.23

I found a sheet dated 8404.26. I looked back to see what I was thinking on that day what other ideas I had. I failed to write that day. I did write of that day. It was the day I was shown the past and the heritage of Brown-wolf as we sewed together a tipi. I then went to senior mens. I still remember that night and all I missed.
But this paper showed that morning my mind was in the future and the cosmos thinking of Fantasms! One theroy, One idea, One theroy from anothers theroy.
Theroy - Blasphmy at that -
God was a scientist. He envented A.D.A.M. (Automatic Decisions And Mantinance), if they didn't speak english (and why should he) the anacromism may be different or the name superficail, Anyway, Adam was a machine, meant to conceive independant thought.
Eve was a thought catalyst and an experiment in reproduciong a mechanism (mass production in time).
Independant thought was achieved, the mechanisms disobeyed - the experiment failed. God leaves his experiment to die forgetting of reproduction. Or God leaves out-of-controll experiment to . retrieve exterimenation forces. Or Adam and Eve ousted God.
----- This theroy arose from the statement "The human body is the most complex mechenism ever studied." and my belifes of Gods. ------------------------
----- Idea - steming from theroy -------------------------
Micro-fiber - a mechanical musel tissue. (refined more after this afor mentioned date)
Interconected electro-magnets joined by grounded plasitics and coated to prevent muscle from being a magnet.

thus by running an electric current through this "muscel" and controlling it with drounded connecters we have a mechanical muscel that works much like the human muscel.
~-----------------------~--------------------~-----
Theroy from another Theroy

Original theroy - sorry don't remember author -
Evolution is a circle, you start Deversify your species, reach peak, lose species and then end.

over please

***end
***/ x \
**/ *** \ *<- loss of species
* |-------|
**\ *** / * <- deversity
***\ x /
***start
Theroy derived
******start of Dinosaurs
****/- x -\
**/ ******* \ **The best I can do for circles again*
*/ *diversity **\
/ ************\
|-----------------|
\ ************/
*\ loss of species /
**\ ******** /
***---/ x \--- <- sudden extinction of dino's
****/ *** \ *<- start of mans evolutions
** /_ _ _ _ _\ <- diversity of species & man
** \ ****** / *<- peak of deversity
* |- \ _ _ _ _/ <- species become extinct & engangerd
* |* **/ * \ ***<-? Sudden extenction (nuclear war)?
|--|**/_ _ _\ *<- ?Re-evolve a new domenant order.
|* |_* \ _ _ / * lasting shorter than man and destroying itself or
|***********being destroyed to be followed by a smaller
|***********circle-cut, then a smaller?
|---------------all conjecture. "Thrid" circle may be larger
***********with there being a small circle before the Dinosaurs.
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Children of the world listen. When I was younger I had theroy's. They sounded logical to me. I never wrote them down and they are now lost. I wish they weren't.
Write down ideas and theorys . and save them, even if they seem crazy. Date them, go back and improve them, but save the originals!
Only with the shear enthusiasm of children to under *understand or utter* the impposible and think the illogical and force them into logic will we ever advance. I knew my ideas would would work, I just didn't know how to get them to work - but someone else might.

8406.24

RAMO!! If art is a crime, God forgive me!
His art was forbiden, illegal. His was the art of Graffitti. But his "tag" wasn't some line of proffanity, some obsenity, some grotesquery of the Getto. No his was an expression of beauty. He was a man of peace yet his art drove him to the illegal. His passions made the Getto beautiful!
RAMO!! You had but one problem. You could tolerate the abuses of family and friends, the critisizm and legalitys envoled. But one man, one action could you not, should not tolerate. When one man Spit on your work you died inside, had to die as your work was ruined and taken over by another. You could . not, should not, tolerate watching your works of beauty turn into works of obsenity and groutesquers.
"SPIT!" you yelled to the faceless coward now, for the first time, facing you. You waited for this moment, he feared it. He ran and you followed in all consuming rage. Pictures of beauty mared by this ... this ... Spit.
Ran and Ran they did (are, will) through the tunnels of the underground. One in terror, One in resolve. One in resolve. Caught him, fought him, you knew what to do !
You both fall, you both die as lightening streaks through you both. One in terror. One in resolve.
Music celabrated his death in reverance. This music celabrated in order to spawn new art. SPIT is gone, it is safe, but only for a moment.
HIP -

Death Dealer was here - we just talked to the end of time. I need sleep now.
Other things to talk about but sleep now. Tomorrow comes.

* "Hip-Hop was drawn and shaded for color. This was inspired by a TV movie on Graffiti art (Just coming into popularity along with Break-Dancing). I think the plot of the film becomes evident - but it was one that I deeply identified with at the time. To die for the passion of your art appeals to me.*

8406.25

One sees crooked so we take it out and put in a different one.
"Let me take it out." pleads Death Dealer.
I only laugh in return.
I bought shades. They hide my chameleon eyes. These I can remove if I wish. I have two kinds. One is continuous lense, it's very dark and no-one can see in, but I see out in a brown color. The other is a black frame, no-one can see in but I see out, they reflect outside images back outside.
Loki leaves tommorrow. He takes the precious Yellow rose with him. She never met Death Dealer, or pet the Cat.
The Cat has a birthday soon. This throughday actually.
Do phones do nothing but ring?
Damn your Lusts J.B. Scariot!

8406.26

Never get a Cat, they don't listen and then demand that there right.
I hear Voices, I told him so. He brings me another thinking I have none.
Wierdness.

* Im planning right now.
Just planning.

8406.27

J.B. took the Beast for a walk today and told it not to growl. It did anyway.
An Angel flew by. I knew he was an Angel by the ring of gold he carried in his right hand. The Beast growled and flowed him. J. B. pulled on the collar and leash. He finaly turned the Beast about with the images of Death Dealer. He triped over the staff though.
The Cat is older tommorow. Older, wiser, stronger, happier. I'll be older three days from now. Older, less sane, weaker, more somber.
I enjoy putting in my eyes then blocking out the sun with pretend glass.
My collars were up. In my shadow they sprout from my shoulder like demon wings.

*Like myself, I've begun to divide aspects of Marc into different people. Death Dealer and the Cat are one in the same but refer to different things he does. I should also note - at the time I felt that by watching my cat (Doctor) I could tell what Marc was doing or feeling. Frequently when I refer to Cat I am also talking about something my cat has done - but I think Marc is doing symbolically.*

8406.28

"I'm going crazy!" roared the Cat. "Don't wear a leash! I can't handel this captivity."
"Controll yourself. You knew this would be different. I can understand your situation, however, I can also understnd there posision."
I kept him from killing, but that was all I accomplished. Once he had many friends about him, I left him to his fun. They were all hell-raising cross-wielders.
May plans continue. I saw a circle of lightning. A first. I must sleep, but then so must Cat.

*Marc's Birthday, under his Grandparents rules. He wasn't allowed to do the things he wanted. These where not his parents - he couldn't talk to them the same way. It was very frustrating to him.
Frustrating for me to see a friend in turmoil and not be able to do anything about it.*

8406.29

* Things are feakn'
* *Time is leaken'
* * Shots arise
* * *the Storm subsides
* * * Conan destroys
* * * My life is full of toys
* * * Slip of the tounge
* * * and I am hung
* * * Slip of the eyes
* * * *I despise
* * * *Why do I look at boys
* * * * Today I'm seventeen
* * * *Soon I'll be eighteen
* * * Time ticks ten after ten
* * * Time ticks long after then
* * *Pray I don't fail
* * This the end of my tale.

8406.3Ø

Strange things are happening. Dreamed I met an Angel named Mat. He gave me all I needed.
He and the Lion didn't get along. Yet I acted strange and they teamed together to help.
The Angel was reluctant, the Lion all to anxious.
"Go ahead," said I "Unburden yourself and spead your wings. But remember, Cats hunt birds as well as mice.
"And you," I turned, "Eat your meals with salt. And if you can't swallow, chew it some more." Then I left, my fate in the hands of angels.
"I'm going to feed you a meal that may kill us all," said Angel.
"I'll eat it with salt." said the Lion.
"I don't think that will make it taste any better."
He was right, the Lion choked and spit out that taste. He roared and slaughtered the Angel then hunted me down. But after the Deaths, there was no-one there to remove the painful crown of thorns from under his paw.
He cried, he bleed, he died.
Wierd thing are happening.
Wierd up in my head.
# + 1 = score + 8 or score/score = 2

8407.01

Things come together, things I want to write, Yet I haven't the room here. Hmmm. I wonder -~-

Ha ha! Last year with this small jogging of memory I remember it all. Last year was less eventfull yet much more fun. Death Dealer, as I told you three days past, "Birthdays seem to get less exciting every year. Don't be dissapointed now, It'll probibly be worse next year."
I did more, yet less.
*this is very creul statement and I'm surprized I wrote it. I must have been very mad and resentful and I couldn't tell you why* Breakfast with the breastless Bitch, mother of Dominator. She tried to act the whole woman, when she never was.*I wish I knew what was said or done that angered me this much. We didn't get along really well, but I never thought it was that bad.*
An hour of solitude. A stop at Vista to please a friend and upset my stomache (I was bloated.)
I picked up Brown-Wolf. We went out for some fun (we had little). Death Dealer wasn't about, The patient traveller working. We had some cake, We found Death Dealer. We three talked an hour. Brown-Wolf went home.
I went to the Mall and walked about searching for what I didn't want to find.
Found Death Dealer, found Thorn. Had cake, sent them home. The morning was the best. Mother gave me Grandpas copy of Rudyard Kiplings "If". *I still have that very poem hanging on my wall*

© 1996 October (Original web publication for this entry)

8407.02

Another leaves for the Great Green masses tomorrow. She was very kind, I'll miss her.
Words come my way. Soon I'll plan this all out, and write it. Soon. But I'm desperate for a new look!
Why do you smell cat? You dislike the oder of ferrats?

8407.03

The day of Booms and Bangs come. Everything is closed for this miniature war.
My plan is coming together in fractions. Need to organize the fractions. Need to Study!

Dreams !!! I want to conquere water again! I want to ride horses again! I want to fall from the skys! I want to climb again! **** I need companionship.

Why can't I see?

8407.04

The day of the Bang went over with a fizzle. False lights enter the sky then fall. There's a pall over ther real lights and the children like it. The Celebration of feeling so unfelt it must be reafirmed at least once a year.
Over 1Ø,ØØØ steps, and my problems only increase. ****Deaf in 1 ear, Blind in 1 eyes.

*This page is shaded gray except the area of the words*
8407.05

Plan comes together. I have reading to do tonight.
And that's all she wrote ! .. ..
Here.

* The start of this line is like a puncture in the page which is bleeding. The line that continues to the right of the page is like the wave of a heart monitor. The line ends at the point of a black silhouetted pencil which is held by a white silhouetted hand. Last page of the book is blank.*