Book 3 December 13 1983 to July 5 1984

8405.31

Let me paint you a runner.
His hands are smooth and tender,
His feet are red and calused.
His legs are large and powerful
His arms are quick but weak.
His endurance is high
His tolerance is low.
The true mark of a runner is his face!
Does he have one?
Or is it his decorative mask?

Run Runner! Hold that shield of masks higher! Protect youself and let the others die! Go Son! Go! Let them die! Run! Run! Go ahead let them die!
If you can.

8406.01 concidered

Shhh! It's two in the morn and I'm late to bed but the talk went straight to my head.
The honcho judge handed down his mandate in all his regal robes. I laugh behind my shield of masks. Goodnight.

*it was written smaller then normal as if I was trying to write quite. Also thought I'd mention that the last sentence is full of Gay magazine titles*

8406.02

The lights go out and I take off my clothes. I walk naked through the dark, searching. Searching heat and peace, knowing I'll never find both. But I keep walking in the dark. I can't tell where I am, where I'm going, what's around. I'll probibly trip and fall every once in awhile, but that's okay, I'll just get up.
The lights dim on and there stands Death Dealer. From under his hood I notice a colder eye.
"You heard voices?" he said.
"But I didn't like what they said so I took them to a room and locked them away. I've got the key." I replied. My shield was there, straped to my arm and ready, yet I was still naked.
He looked down at me with those thorns on his head and stroked his beard.
"You haven't kissed me yet..."
"And I won't!" I interuped.
"Do, and flee from my wraith!"
"I'll not flee." I spoke, "I'll never . leave you alone. I'll endure your wraith and then your ignorance of me. But I'll always be there for you."
He chuckeled malevolently and said,
"Sure you will Judas, sure you will."
The fad out and again I'm in the dark.
"Death Dealer?... Cat? ... Freind? ......"
Alone.
"Brown-wolf? Are you there?"
"I'm Grey!" snaps the dark.
Very alone.
Where is my Guilding light? my Teacher of Art? Teacher of Life? Learning key? Logic? Friends? Where are all my winter people?
I like the winter because where layerd up and people are warm. We can touch with-out fear.
The summer is hot and I burn. People undress and want you to stay away when you want to be close.
They open up in summer and want you to stay away. It isn't fair.

8406.03

'Barefoot! You're crazy. Put on some shoes." My mother griped.
Barefoot I left my home for a walk. The sun came down and warmed the sidewalk in places, left it cool in others. It was enjoyable. The hard stimulating feel of the concrete, the hot rocky . feeling of the street, cool wetness of shaded lawns, the cool shaggy feeling of long grass, the warm pricklys of dieing grass, to cool pricklys of new-mown lawns, and countless other feelings of other lawns. Every lawn was different, every section of sidewalk was differnt, every street felt differnt.
"Hey, Dumby! You're barefoot!"
"I know. I walked for that very reason. It feels good."
"Barefoot?"
"Yes. Try it sometime when you have the feeling for it."
"Barefoot?"
I walked on. I got a small cut on my right heel. It was an anoying little pain. But it felt good. I knew it would heal, but for now it was making my foot even more sensitive to the textures under my feet.
I came home and put on shoes. I went to mow a lawn and I knew the Tempter would be there. I didn't want to be sensitive to his ploys.
I wasn't, I held back my view and my comments as he hung there tempting me. I stayed clean today.
I drove to Death Dealers. I went down into the Basement were he lives. He had rearranged his room. I commented on its . beauty.
"Must have been a long time since you've been here." Said Death Dealer. "My room has been this way awhile."
"That ought to tell you something."
I replied, then spoke my bussiness. He said he couldn't go, and I got the feeling that the next time I saw him, his room would be different.
I came home at 3, slept until 7. Magic numbers. I ate, drew, and now I write listening to Queen. Symbolic?
Time ticks toward ten. Ten to ten actually. Even with the cat-nap I am tired. I have a day ahead of me, I need rest. Thus, I am going to bed and pray for dreams.

8406.04

Ank's in vivid pastel color animated in the scream.
I climb out of bed and walk out of the basement and begin my morning cerimony of baptim. I wet myself an clean the hair, step out and dry myself. Resisting all temptations to dirty the cerimony by kneeling.
I dressed, ate, and then left for work. I traveled in silence listening to the road and the clatter of my wheels. I reach the airport, park the car, recline the seat and watch the birds. The birds flit about in there daily routine of survival. That one gathers straw and string for its home. That one gathers scraps and grain, maybe a worm, as food for the chicks. Some begin to fly. I laugh and smile as they do areodynamic feats of aviation over the runways ^{in the sunrise}v. Some head straight into the wind and flap as hard as they can and go no-where, hovering in space. Suddenly he'll turn and fly off gracefully.
Then they all run off and hide as the big metal Doe-Doe bounces down for a landing with its whining props and coughing engine.
I deliver the packages to there place and watch as man tires to wake up and start his . machines. I look to the rising sun and notice a few clouds stating to form.
I go house and pick up my books for my class in Art history. I arrive early and wait studing in the hall next to a locked door. Teacher arrives, and has no key to the door, a stanger opens the door into the blacken room. Teacher tuns on the projecters and tosses out colored lights to immate the art.
We study the art of ancient man, who had a dwindeled self-concept, to the Egyptions and there larger than life gods and Pharoes. The projectors kept breaking and the teacher failed to make her points.
I rushed house and changed for gym. I knew Death Dealer wouldn't be there. The Cat rubbed against my leg as I changed. I arrived in plenty of time. I streched out and started a few runs without the coach. Coach arrived and ran use threw pad drills. I did well with spots. Coach left and tired on my own. I crashed and burned over and over , but I got up and tired again. I did well without the Coach.
It's after noon and the sun burns threw the clouds and scorches the landscape. I go . home and I baptise myself again because of my filth, but this time I kneeled, I left just as dirty as when I arived. Mother fix me food and I sucked the tomato soup from the skull in my hand and bit the bread and cheese. It coulnd't fill me but we had to leave.
We arrived at the Optomitrist in time an started the examinations. I was told I could remove the barriers infront of my eyes now for more subtel barriers. People would be able to see my eyes now but it would take time. My right eye is "crooked'".
My eyes were numb and crying yellow scum. I looked to the sky and saw a cloud covered sea. It was one large grey mass and I knew it was going to rain.
Never saw Death Dealer, Theseus, Indian in Black, Thorn, or even heard the Idiot.
I am I cried
I am siad I to no one there.
And no-one heard not even the chair.
I am said I
I'm alone and I can even say why.

*Everyone else is enjoying Summer vacation. Hot on the heels of Graduation I have started Summer courses in College. Art History and Gymnastics. May as well get a hard class I hate out of the way and get credit for something I like doing.*

8406.05

Heh-heh.
** I wear a shirt with no sleeves, but I wear the collar up. My pants may glitter and shine in the sun but there comfortable. I tuck the legs into my boots- There high topped and sleek. They are powerful but comfortable.
All the wardrobe is black. It absorbes all light and gives me false heat for a real security.
I gave Dominator his damn Bill. I asked for his money. Wrote him a note saying his greed has kept my moeny an extra week. Signed it "Respectfully".

Cat? Will I see you tomorrow? I know I should see the traveller.
********* Hello?

*My wardrobe hasn't changed much :) Btw' the 'glitter pants' where the 'parachute pants' popular at the time - made of nylon. I think I've mentioned before that My Father got me the Job I hold at this time. To get paid I had to Bill the company for my services. Sometimes I had to turn those Bills into my Father. Obviously, there was a bit of mix-up here that was getting me a bit angry. This is why family should never work together - problems arise that are not an individuals fault, but that is how you see it (double if it is family you don't get along with)*

8406.06

Late Night Toshio Ohira.
I never saw the traveler, Cat didn't call back.
The night is almost Morning Toshio, I had fun, hope you did. You leave for Japan again soon don't you? I'll miss you. Neat Storm.
"Th's is goodbye, he?"
Hey, only Love can make it rain.
There's a flash of light, then darkness and the clap of thunder.
Ten till Tommorrow ticks time.
** Goodby - if anyone's listening.

*You may remember my mentioning 'The Hungarian' during Senior Men's. I had brief but very intensely enjoyable run-ins with the Foreign Exchange students. I think maybe because we shared 'alienation' even though they were made to feel welcome. Toshio and I would talk frequently but never did much (even though he lived around the block from me) but the day before he left we talked for hours at this house, and he gave me some Japanese comic books - which I still have. One of my comic book hero's is named Toshi in memory of him (I can't remember if the 'o' was silent or just got dropped off or shortened in English, but that was what we called him.)*

8406.07

It's late again.
The new eyes feel odd, yet comfortable.
It rains let. Very cloudy many flashes, no sound. The Brutus doesn't know what it mean, Judas doesn't admit it.
Tommorrow I'm put to the test.
Goodnight

8406.08

Judas Scariot, "a coat of Leather", is the interpretation his last name. I wear a leather coat, I put the collar up, the pockets are deep, and I'm proud of it.
Judas was driven by greed and betrayed his master with a kiss. He put the money in his leather box, then over come with greif threw down the money and hung himself in a Judastree.
My glove contains my greed and my greif, but not yet the money. If ever it does there Shall be a Scar and a Riot.
Cry, Jude the obscure, pray forgiveness knowing you will not repent.
Marcus Junius Brutus, Kindred with the word "Brute" like a Beast. There were two of them. One a founder of law, whoes firery speaches gave him the name 'Accuser" The next was a slow, stuborn, . obstenate advisor to Ceasar. Ceasar trusted him, with his life. Brutus took that trust and his life.
"No, not you too, Brutus." Ceasar muttered though the blood as his life drained from his many wounds.
Now Killgrave betrays Death Dealer. The weapon is darkness and I sell him with a kiss and cut him with a blade. But like Macbeth I won't be able to get the blood off my hands.
I'll run, run and scream trying to wash my hands. I'll run through Doors and hope to light a fire without getting burned.
It must be love, says the Kiss. What is Love? Deos anyone really love anybody anyway?
I don't know what I'm worried about anyway. Most people don't want love, they want a pleasing pantomime, they want eyes without a face. This is the Idol.

At two of two this morning, a call came for me. It was Gavin, the wizard of words. His beautiful words were slurred under the grip of alcohol. His words were clear but difficult to understand
"This it Gavin"
"*Last name*?" there was a pause.
"Yes ... I've had alittle too. . much tonight."
"I can tell." I replied.
"I'm in a bit of a tied."
"What? what was that?"
"I just want you to know I love you even if you are from another planet." -click-
"Gavin? ... Gavin?..."
I hung up the phone and smiled. He used a word I've never heard him say before. He said it to me. But was the diffinition? Why could he only say it Drunk? Why did he hang up? Why me?
I meant to ask him, but he's nowhere to be found.

I see a Bull, a lion and a man. An Eagel flys down and they all sprout wings. This means something.

*For those of you that haven't read the Bible - the coming of the beasts of the apocalypse. I've also been reading up on the Great Betrayers and listening to music*

8406.09

Uh . .... B.J. Sariot runs the knight when Killgrave Sleeps.
"Know, Know, Know!" I deny it but its true. Keep your swords low.

8406.1Ø

Flash back!
= Ya' know ... I have a feeling we'll get really close this summer.=
Death Dealer smiled as he said it. Theseus and I flet good as we had to rush off. ~~We haven't yet.
I wonder who the real traitor is.

8406.12 suplimentary

lack of sleep from the last days brought me to my first 4 hour nap. Dreams there were.

=BAM=
"Is this gun alive? It's warm like a body, it twitches like a muscel."
=BAM=
"heh-heh, You know they talk too. Only what they say is obscene."
= BAM =
"Oh God! Just look at that. Look at the hate and fear trickel off the lifeless body off an innocent. Look at that smoke roll from its mouth like the fumes from the ciggaret of a sem-satisfied Rapest."
> BAM <
"Shit! Look at that thing talk to that young boy! Look at that kids eyes grow in excitement. He thinks he's important now, when he always was. Look at it tell him that he can make a difference in the universe. Look at that power lust grow under its lies. Lies!"
> B /\ /\/\ =
"Damn. Its too late but how he knows. He made a difference in the universe. It gave him the power to make a difference, at the expense of his brother. Look at his eyes now. He holds the limp, lifeless body and the hard, stiff power. Do his eyes tear from the act, or the nausous fumes of . of sarcasm. Deep bitting sarcasm.
"No! No! Don't turn it on you It will only laugh. It will laugh hard because you will prove there's very little there. He'll just ...
== )-ò /\/^v\ == *Best I can do for the way I had it drawn out*

"God ... it just ... just (sob) laughted .... Laughed! (whimper) Laugh right in his face! . .. . right in his god damn face."

Bill Cosby lead me through the Getho. We chased and were chased. Bill hated Pymp Gynt, man, hated his ass bad.
My face had a provoked muscel spasm as I awoke. Death Dealer over my form laughing with glee at his little stunt. All I thought was "I don't run from my father." (some thing he said yesterday) then "When doves cry" played by Prince.

8406.12

I'm relaxed. I'm about to sleep. I am ~RING~
"Hello .... No he's not here .. .. OK."
Inhale, exhale, I am relax. I'm about to fall ~RING~
"Hello . . . . No he's not .... Would you like me to have him call back? ... you're sure .... OK .. .. OK .. .. Bye."
Okay, I am ~RING~
"Hello .... I already told you he's . gone .... I don't know .... I'll have him call you .... Bye"
Inhale, deeper, let it out slow. I am ... ... ..... Relaxed. I am about to fall ......... (alright) .... asleep. My eyes are heavy and I'm ~RING~ Damn.
"Hello ... no he's not here ... This is his brother .... no I don't ... I'll have him call ..... no don't call back, he'll call you .... Thanks .... Have a nice day."
I'm asleep. Very relaxed. heart slow. Breath deep. I am asleep. Z Z Z
~~~~~~ "Thorn hi, what are you doing here? Hey! Thats my wall!"
He punched a hole in it and started to pull out Barbie doll figures of Dazzler. Then he reached a picture, knocked out part of it and rearranged it like a combination. The wall fell open and he pulled out plastic toy blasters and other milatary equipment.
"What is all this? What is it Thorn? What ~RING~ poof ~~~~~~
"Hello .... No he's not ... .. I don't know where he is or when he'll be back .... you can leave a message .... I'll have him call .... Bye."
Relax. Let go back to sleep. Finish the dream .. ... find out what the blasters are for .... sleep. Z Z ~RING~
"Hello (Grand Central) .... What? ... No he isn't here .... No, I don't ... . look. leave a mesage and I'll have him . call back . . . OK have it your way .... Bye."
Think I'll take that thing off the hook .... No, you never know. I might get a call. OKay kid that's enough. Relax, try to sleep. Inhale, exhale. Re- ~RING~
"Hello ... No he's not, Goodbye."
RRRRR-RR-R-rr-r-r--r inhale, exhale.
Relax. I am about to sleep. I am
= SLAM =
"Hi, were home!"
"I'm awake! Call everyone. I give up."
I had a four hour nap and a three hour attempt.
Now its after 11 o'clock. It's hot and I can't really sleep. But I'm going to lay in bed until I fall asleep, or the alarm goes off.
I have alot to do tommorrow.

8406.13

A Play of Stupidity ~--------

There is a row of six chairs on stage.
One man enters, views chairs, straightens one or two of them, then smiles mischeviously.
1^st man snaps fingers, looks at fingers while 5 men walk on stage in confusion.
4 men take seats randomly (leaving gaps in middle) A man stands next to the 1^st

shruging his shoulders.
1^st man realizes this.
1^st "Sit down "
Man "Where?"
1^st "Sit down "
Man sits in one of the gaps of the middle.
1^st man looks at gap in middle turns to his right.
1^st "Move down."
Men move down leaving empty chair at the end.
1^st "We're going to play a game"
1^st leans down and whispers into mans ear.
1^st "Pass it on"
2^nd man turns to 3^rd and whispers
2^nd "Pass it on" and so on down the line.
1^st "What's my name?"
2^nd "John"
3^rd "Paul"
4^th "Al"
5^th "Buddy"
6^th "Joe"
2^nd "No, it's John!"
4^th "Well, he told me it was Al!"
3rd "I said and meant Paul."
5^th "Your all wrong, its Buddy."
6^th "Oh yeah? You told me Joe."
Arguement breaks out over the name
1^st man leaves.
Arguement comes to blows
One chair knocked off stage in fight
6^th man comes out and argues name with himself - Curtain.

Death Dealer walked over to me wearing his Chi-ro.
"That P is backwards." I said.
He grimaced and the hands of Death flew out and struck me. I fell to the ground. I looked up and saw Death Dealer with the sun behind his head and his hand extended.
"I forgive you." he said.
I took his hand and said
"I didn't do anything wrong."
Death Dealer let go and I fell again.
I got up and saw the yellow rose and prayed for peace but then I saw an Angel named Matt playing tag with and Eagel. Then Luke pulled a Bull past me to be milked at the market. Then Marc went past on Cat's feet and roared into the sun.
Only two more sets of wings then we're all doomed because the scales aren't even.

This is tragicly funny.

figure that,

huh.

8406.14

I didn't realize it until last night but Death Dealer fits all modern descriptions of the apociliptic beast of St. Mark.
I have a prophecy furthering. I once said I believe that Death Dealer would be present, if not partly responsible, for my death. I now believe that he will be 1/4^th the cause.
Death Dealer is piece 1, the winged Lion of St. Mark. Throughout my life I will met and become friends with the other three, and be as Judas to all four. When those four come together there will be a Minor Apocolypse. Either my death or my ruin.

Well cat, I changed your flea collar and you scratched me good. It's hot and there is no air, I sweat even in my nude form. I have a test tommorrow which I feel I will fail, this gets me new eyes.

Hey, Deciever .... you never sat down so your throne was knocked off the stage. Or maybe your name holds true and you never wanted that chair.
2^nd man can do as he wants. He can do anything. You do nothing.

8406.15

I didn't fail that test, that got me new eyes. These eyes hurt, sometimes unbearibly so. But thats good, they say, it can only get better.
There are some strange things going on around here. Odd things. Loki brought home Obnoxio the Clown; akin to the Idiod only more fun, more intellegent, very obnoxious.
I have to let lose some water, then I need to sleep.
funny, I saw a large black bird sitting on a light fighting off two wrens. I root for the black bird.

8406.16

Hello, anybody there?
I'm scared of the dark.