Book 2 June 9 1983 to December 12 1983

831Ø.2Ø

I have a vision. It bombards my head and fills my eye, yet eludes my hand.
Death Dealer stands on a wall or ledge. He is dressed totally in black with four spots of orange. He carries a sword of eastern design, held in boht hands at ready - resting, point sloping down. The
There is a cold wind blowing down and behind, slightly to the left. His lose black coustume belows in the wind.
There are clouds, the moon shines slightly through. Next page.
The scene I describe last is superimposed over three declining square; same as before yet the sword is up, readying to strike.
Middle; close up of the taunt wind chaped face, arm over the mouth because the sword is fully drawn back, like a baseball bat (sort of). Bottom right; close up of the cold, squinting eye - Death in the pupil.
Then there is the last, super-emposed picture. The full arc of the sword has been taken, Death Dealers body is twisted as such, still effected by the weather elements. However in the middle of the arc I stand, Doubled over, about to collapse . and die, right hand clutching my disemboled entrolls, the other in the air, my face down and not visible.
A wide arc of blood is splattered about, landing on the three smaller picutres as if they were a solid part of the action.

Don't fear the Reaper, he comes in peace. Anyway.
----
One more thing. The Indian in Black had been a great solace, wether known or not. If only the Beast would leave him out of his realm completely instead of making him walk the wire line.

831Ø.23

Two days have I been respet in my dutys. But the Friday and Saturnday past have been full and tormenting. In the day of the sun, today, was my only rest but only because I locked myself away and refused to let out.
I have put up a very elaborate facade that however was also very exspensive and draining.
At the drop of a bell Friarday i became a friend for fun.
Lean heavy on me Death Dealer i mind not. I will always be there.
The night ended earlier than expected, with Death Dealer being drawn to X.
I began my work out, and I started to run. Yet I ran different. I was drawn backward for some unknown feeling.
Then I came upon the scene. I did not see the blow, couldn't see the results, but I knew it happened. Damn you X and forgive the blind Theseus that struck the blow.
Steadily and methodicaly, foot fell after foot as i ran to Death Dealer to tend, if nessesarry, to wounds. It was further than I had ever run but i made it. When i wasn't needed. I was relieved. Thus I ran home and let sleep claim my conscious without chores done.
Saturnday came about in my sleep and I awoke midway through.
The facade was imediately up and i was off.
Fantasies granted, Loki tended to. i asked Death Dealer to come with me to see the Right Moves, All of them. He said yes and started on the way.
Loki made time tense and forced my actions along by my responsiblity to he. Death Dealer delayed by an unseen hand (X) missed own departure.
On the way back I knew where to find Death Dealer, in my mind it was obvious. At X home I found him, blinded by the Snow.
He jokingly acused me of how i truely felt, a deserter of freinds. I wished to vent anger yet no/one, not even Loki was to blame. Only i.
I asked him to acompany me, yet X couldnot go and instantly he and i we're 'under fire'.
Once out Death Dealers thoughts were, of course, only of X. So facade up and shield posed against X i merily sent the two on there way.
i forced them to leave me nowhere so i could walk back without this power consuming facade. The mask gone I quickly made home and threw myself into fantasy.
Then there came a rapping, a gentle tapping at my chamber door. I knew it Dealt with a murderous Lenore. I wanted to here this Nevermore.
Facade again on Theseus entered and took hold of center stage right.
As we spoke i heard him . say he knew he was blind yet still chose to walk where X lead him. He realized the blows he's struck and what they meant yet the blindness alowed him to ignore such things.
When he left, sleep consumed my being then and there. Not was done.
Today I locked away here had not contact with the outside. I rested from the facade, and recovered the energies.
Tommorrow it will be needed as will i.

(Note; good Literature says I shouldn't do this, yet I don't claim to be a writer yet. I carefully placed my capital I and also the lowercase. Its important that they are the way they are.)

*I drew a box around the rest of the space on this page and then put an X to divide it into four parts. The last line then reads - * my goal. . . DDK

8310.24

Much to say - little time.
Monday - Monday - oh what a Day.
Work work, fog, screw you, run little rabbit be a colt. Late, hate, backwards I did run. Care, ha! not even bear. School nick, rush, behind link after link connected by link to link after link.
Numerical Confusion, accelerated learning tree. Lunch, poor, money borrowed, money spent.
Learning key, idiot I see. Macbeth run free, murderer to control and Dun. Concept lost, Paridise found.
End, End. dead oh Dead is my horse and faithful stead! Cold, walk, phone at friend.
Death Dealer's youngest Robynn became year older. Death Dealer's Eldest Elric left me to Kubla Khan. Party, Teddy-bear, resserection of my stead and faithful friend.
Home I am. Tooth and fang tomorrow, blood the next.
My conscious peirce my heart with fact of fiction in form of friends.
Heave my chest dose, tired I am, Sleep i will. Wake I shall.
All the world forgive - I still feel.

8310.25

Teddy-bear you ar strong, brave, feirce and kind as a child's toy. I grieve that thou must go thru so much pain and torment. I am happy that thou art well enough to travel, and talk and that you are safely nesteled into your home once again.

I am in tomrent from a fiction. Skulls stare at me from all directions, violence and death are depicted all about me. Cries of the dieing are all about me, then from this dismal battle field silence riens as Death Dealers cry of pain, discust, and disbeliefe slices the air. There is then total silence.
Sudenly from behind there is a noise and I move away from the cuting edge of Death Dealer with barely my life in tackt. I turn to see his furious visage gleaming at me from behind a full suit of armour and a large shield.
'You had no right!' I claim as I notice the hipopotomus in the room.
'I had every right, scum!' he replies and vanishes in flame.
As I burn I realize the endless paradox involved. I didn't because of friendship, he did because of friendship. Yet now it rest not on right for there is no friendship.
. . Damn this fiction.

8310.26

I decended into the deepths of the learning tree, beneath the roots I found my goal.
The woman was dressed in white with small flecks of red. She wore a warm smile and possesed a firm grip.
I gave myself to her, and she alowed me give life. I bleed for her and she showered me small gifts but I gave myself the bigest gift. I know that my small sacrifice will help save anothers life.
Indian in Black, you are friend and a powerful man. Your skills far exceed my own, I thank you for sharing. You are great in knowledge and vision. I feel honored that you discover your abilities around me and in my home.
You are powerful by birth right and beliefe.

Life respondes to life, will exserts controll.

. . Time ticks Ten after Ten.
Tick . . . . . . . . . Tick
. . Tick . . . . . . . . . Tick
. . . . Tick . . . . . . . . . Tick
. . . . . . Tick . . . . . . . . . Tick
. . . . . . . . . Tick

*I think this would be the first time I gave blood. something I really enjoyed doing until I found I was HIV+ (Because then I had to stop, duh!)*

8310.27

Average every day occurances.
Its late, I'm tired. I just ran about 7 / 7 ½ miles, eat like a horse, and come here.
. . . . Goodnight.

8310.28

I open the journal to laughter. I start here with wonderment. I bought a mask, just in time. The artist, who became repetitive, who had steped out of my life, saw me. I put on the mask and all was well.
Tomorrow I must ACT as well. I hope my facade of intellegence holds.
After that I must build a thick wall, and put on my armour. For then I'm draged to Dominator, and his city.

8310.3Ø

Back from the Dominator and his utterly cold city. I came back to friends and anoyances.
Fantasy wasn't finished yet tommorrows day will alow for more.
Taco hot sauces calimed me once again and I became a madman. Then a hollow man.
Sleep and visions come now.

831Ø.31

Tis the night of all Hallow's eve.
I have outgrown the need of sugar and other halloween concoktions. This year is different.
Ghost, Goblins, Devils, Dwarfs, Witches, Whites, Mercinaries and the mindless ones all come knocking at my door. This year I give the candies of respite. I gaurd the house of the onslaught of demons.
My disquise is one of which I'm used to, for its a variation of my former self. I live as a gypsy, dressed as a nobleman, going to a masqurade ball. A disguise over a disguise over a disguise. Just like wall infront of facade over mask of true self.

As I waited the next wave of demons came, after the gift there was a monents peace. In that peace I had a vision which rippled the placid pool of inner thought.
I stood in a cemetary, on all hallows eve, the storm of the dead raged peacefully by. Death Dealer was nevous around those whom might seek vengance. Theseus was gidy finding no logic in my placement.
I stood facing the dewy metal fence. I griped and leaned to the fence as protests were voiced from behind.

I laughed at the protest then saw the Indian in black runing in the wind with the wolf. Lightning struck the fence sending the fury of nature painfully through me. The Indian ran on by.
I fell back from the fence shaking with convulsions as I lay dieing. Death Dealer and Theseus came to me though.
I died then, and fought a vicious dragon. I was naked with only a sword to protect myself against this monsterous armoured Dragon. I losened and caused the loss of a scale. Through that tender spot I struck and pierced the hart. As the dragon lay dead I saw her eggs hatch. I then realized she was only protecting her pups.
I awoke with a start in the car, urgently moving to aid. I convinced all I was fine.
As I was awake over the course of days I discovered powers, at a terrible cost.
Death Dealer was shot at, I stoped the bullet in mid-flight. I picked a sucluded spot in sickness, died and fought my way back.
A prediction I made, Theseus would be traped and suffocate yet escape to tell. As he locked in mortal combat I felt as he did, the lack of air. I gave him strength, he escaped, I died and fought my way back.
The Indian in black hung, I pulled him back and healed his wounds. I bleed from eyes, ears, and mouth, died and fought my way back.
I showed a man my ability, I raised myown strenth. I had a siezure, realized my selfishesness, and let go of life. I didn't fight my way back.
No one needed the ability, I spent it unwisely. So I died instead of fight back.
Why! Why! Why!
I understand none until my death.

All hallow's eve is a night on my soul.
Loki and friends talk of horror, they know none of it at all.

Goodnight to all pretenders!

HA ! HA! HA! HA! HA!
-----======) *skull insignia*
. . . . . -----------------------

8311.01

Thord, Thrin, (Sa-' jot - ta) Logan, Gar, Nickodemus, Raven, Robin, Marus, Caine, Adam,
all names I love, yet a rose by any other name, will smell just as sweet.

The vision persists, it has served it purpose in lesson, and now evoles to the idea of Phoenix.

Evil thoughts pervaded my very being today and I hope all will forgive me.

Grade myself! I'll be to light or to harsh. Yet feel as though I've been fair.

Clip I will, clip I must. Clip away it goes.

Vanity 6, ha! Vanity 96 small, 5 meduim, 1 large and 5 mounted! Vainity picture perfect, yes. Perfect ....

Fill this space, fill it, fill it. Fill this space, fill it up, fill, fill, fill.

Ivan ho! He heard the cry and answered back. A first, Joy, oh, Joy. My greatest antaginist heard, what?

DDK

8311.02

All is not well.
I'm sorry, for being what I am and lieing about it to freinds.
. . . . . . . . . DDK

8311.04

Yesterday I wrote not for I was =hic= blasted! on my pride and joy Taco-Tico-Tacos-wif- Hot - sauce.
I was utterly insane, then clam, insane and hyper, calm and ploting, hyper, then very calm, then very tired.

Tonight I'm very tired. I ran, instead Death Dealer being the destination, I stoped at Theseus.
We conversed and then he brought me home in his stead.

Visions of death increase in my mind. Friends are in danger, I kill, I get killed or die. I'm in danger and run for a friends aid and die before reaching them, him or never her. I simply stand and die for no right, or wrong.
My bowels are pierced and strewn about. Theres blood on my hands and I fell no pain. I die all the same.

I'm sorry, Theseus.
. . . . . . . . DDK

8311.05

I'm in a small raft, driftin_g in a ocean.
The raft is small, confining, a little uncomfortable. Yet it is weak, held only by the air from my breath. The release of one cork and it would all colapse around me.
The ocean is vast with many storms and rapids. I have no paddle, and nothing by witch to navigate. I have to sail between Cylia and Caribdous, one becons my raft by pullin the water, the other siezes me by force. I simply have to sail between the two.
Water, Water everywhere, and not a drop to drink. I thrist, I'm sorry.
=Pop!= SSssssssssss
I'm going to drown now.

8311.06 suplemental

I sat drawing in my ocean. Visions ran through my head but I drew another mans vision. Then with an incomplete vision infront of me, I reallized one of mine was filled.
A faceless solger holding a rod kneelt before me. He had no color, he was diffined purely in black an white.
My brain raced to find symbolism's and pshycological reasons for this vision, yet I already knew the answers. I would add red.

I flare was shot from raft as I drown this vision hoping to rid myself of these thoughts.
Death Dealers black flare rose in the noonday sun as an answer to mine. Add was on the way.
My visions ran rampaant as my body slowed. I awaited Death Dealers aid. His add was on the way.
I climbed into the darkness to wait. Visions came to me there, horrid visions of things I didn't want to see. My naked will emerged from the darkenss and brandished a sword, gleaming of light there was none of.
The saber of will slashed through the darkness destroying the visions. Then this poor puppet swung about trying to destroy the source of the visions, the darkeness. Yet darkeness only bleeds darkenss as this naked ... me ... swung the sword about madly.
Then came images of my friends, naked as I, taunting me to destroy the darkness. Instead I dismembered them with my sword.
Blood splattered me as I hacked away the bodys of friends. One arm, a leg, other arm, gut, heart, liver, lungs, other leg. Then with a brutal slash rolled away the flesh covered, bone hard, head.
I tried to controll myself in the darkness but the songs made it difficult.
Owner of a lonely heart, Love is a stanger, Stone in love, Escape, At war with the world, Headknocker, Star rider, Desperate but not serious, Sweet dreams, Boehemian Rapsody, Under presure, Caught in the Game, Love is a battlefield, Play the Game, Cold as ice, I know there's something going on, Logical Song, Cum on feel the noize, wonder whose crying now, the list goes on and on and on to infinity.
All these words set to universal music, seep into my soul and manifest in the darkness. These words make it harder to fight.
Death Dealer arives, I aid his mathmatical confusion by adding my insanity. Then he adds my fears. We go to a movie, there is darkness there, and the man on the screen aids my fears.
All he does is talk, talk of things I wish not to hear ... now.
We came home to my raft. I felt relieved. I wanted him to stay, I needed help and a distraction from my thoughts. I needed him to test my will, and teach it.

It is so hard to run from your thoughts. Its' so easy to run from others thoughts.
Death Dealer had go off to his Religion. Off to His Beliefes.
and i to my small raft. i set it adrift knowing not where i was, where I was going. Was close to land? far, far away from it? Which was better?

Forgive! I'm sorry.

8311.06

X that bitch of a witch. To my home she came, in search of her puppet.
Fair and uncaring I was, as let her into my home.
To other things I go for it is late, and I must sleep.
Not much else has occured to which I can write. Only one reacuring vision of death Dealer consuming the darkness by destroying me body and soul
*The rest of the page is a black square.*

8311.07

I'm on an island, I know not whoes, yet no man is an island (unless he wets his bed).
I walk into a castel ressembling those in monster movies. It's dark. I search for food and the kitchen mocks me. Only clowns stare at me from my apple jacks.
I find a large open room, with only two things in it. One, a victorian desk. Made of oak and slightly dusty. Two, a crusifix, made of old rotten redwood and smelling of gasoline.
There was no noise except for my footseteps and a music in my mind, monotonus, droneing, and demonic, like the buzzing of a fly.
Three walk in, at first the shadows hide there faces then I recognize them. Death Dealer, Thesues and the Indian in black.
As I hung on the rotting cross I noticed there war garb. All three fought the way of the shadow assisin, but all dressed differently.
Death Dealer lumbered about in heavy Crimean armour. Sword in one hand, shield in the other and eyeless sockets with his skull. He looked like a barrberic death god.
Thesues wore the armour of Rome. Short Sword, Shield, and bristel toped helmet he stood like Appollo and acted like Mars.

The Indian in black wore the feathered head dress of his ansetreous chiefs. His body decorated with beads and paints of war. Flint spear in one hand, shield of buffalo hide in the other.
All walked to the desk with out a sound. Theseus put away the papers, the Indian in black closed the drawers, and Death Dealer locked them.
In the distance a cock crows, and flame flys from there eyes and i burn on the cross. All the water in the ocean will not put it out.

Macbeth may never sleep again, but I must. It is late.
*Drawing of a skull in a winged and horned helmet. ¾ view of a stoic faced man (facing right) in a roman 'bristle' top helmet. ¾ view of an Indian in war paint and Feathered head-dress (facing left).*

© March 1998 (copyright implied by date of entry, date covers web publication)