Book 2 June 9 1983 to December 12 1983

8307.31

Damn the Dominator! If I knew this I wouldn't have taken it, but its to late now.
'You may not start tomorrow.' He said through his visor.
'O.K., no sweat. What's wrong though?' I asked out of curiousity.
'They haven't contacted the other guy yet to fire him.' he said.
'Fire him? I thought he quit.'
'No they'll fire him.' he replied.
'Why?' I asked
'Because, your my son.' he said.
'What!? He didn't quit, or do any thing to get fired?' I said back.
'No.' Dominator replied cooly.
'I'm being hired 'because', and he's fired because I'm in. And he doesn't even know yet!'
'That's right.' he said, and turned away.
I feel sorry for my predisesor.
I suddenly have visions of the Hulk yelling 'you took my job!' and throwing my body into a running propeler - choping me to pieces. I can't blame him - or her.
Now I have to live with the fact I took a job for no reason from someone. I am sorry for that someone. And I damn the Dominator for the feeling because he gave it to me.
The Dominator feels no remorse at all. I hate that, I really do.
*a long line that becomes the impact of a bullet through the chest of a man.*

8308.01

I see images, mirror images, between friends. A triangel of past, present, and possible views.
My job is not to difficult, in fact fairly easy. Note; the Man I replaced showed up and Dominator handled fired him. However there is a route in the afternoon I can't take and he should.
'Now, this is unlikely, but if your get robed - give them the cash and call it in. They only have worthless consealed *cancelled* checks.' Dominator sneared.
'I have custody of the children, they're mine and I care for them. Please watch my children, and if my husband shows up, don't let him in the house. Use anything to keep him out!' A mother pleaded to Death Dealer, he accepts.
'Where are you going?' - A walk Thesus replies 'Its getting dark! Oh, be careful!' cries out a mother.
Order in the day - Mirror- possible night.
Thesus walks in the dark, thinking back on the day with friends and the argument with parents.
Suddenly from behind him there is a noise and the rush of a thief. A tackel is made and both lay on the ground in the lock of combat. Adrenilin flows through Thesus's small, powerful body and all past skills are aplied to the larger foe. He writhes about, squirming, twisting, manuvering. Soon the agility of a gymnast, and the skill of a wrestler show through as he pins the would-be-thief and knocks him unconscious.
His adrenilin run out, his anger vent, he turns and begins home.
Midnight, the children are asleep, Death Dealer is kept bussy with a world of fanasty. The silence is shattered by a key in the door.
Death Dealer quickly jumps to his feet and checks the door to confirm his supision. He is correct, he takes a stance as the door opens and a drunk father walks in.
'Sir,' said Death Dealer startleing the hulking figure, 'I'll warn you only once. I'm not to let you in this house, either get out or be thrown out.' The voice was calm, demanding, and level. But words mean nothing to an alcohal addled mind.
'Get out of my house, boy.' said the figgure standing in the open doorway. Death Dealer stood still.
'Did you hear me?' he said steping in, Death Dealer's foot quickly speed out and met the mans chest with force. He flew back and out, then over the railing to soft dirt. Death Dealer closes the door, locking it, and goes back to work.
Early morning, the sun isn't up but I am. I drive to airport and pick-up my cargo then leave for the banks.
On the way out a man jumps infront of the car. I screech on the brakes and as I stick my head out to yell I find a gun in my temple. I park the car as comanded and step out, hands on my head.
'There canceled checks. Worthless to you.' I inform my two asailents.
One man quickly looks through the sacks and sees I'm correct.
'Man, I'm gonna blow you away for that!'
'For what?' I ask calmly, staring down a gun barrel.
'For the wrong stuff, man!'
'Cops!' I yelled. Both turn and I raise my knee into the abdomen of the closest. He drops the gun and I swing him into the car, hard.
The other runs to a small, green, car. I quickly repete the lisences and turn both over to the police.
Only the fights imagined, but I still see them clearly. All are possiblitys, even though slight. Each mirrors the others in time and style. Times reverse, styles oppose, First one fights with feiry for surivel, Second with skill for protection, Third and last with desperation for fear.
Mirror, mirror on the wall, which is best.

*I should describe my first job. At this time he was working as a pilot for a company in Kansas City. They where big on 'family run' which is why I was given the job.
Basicaly I woke up about 5am every day. Was at Billard Ariport by 6am to met a small twin engine plane that delivered three huge bags of canceled checks which I then delivered to three different banks before 8am. The delivery itself only took about a half hour to 45 minutes, but the plane would land anywhere between 5:30am and 9am (95% of the time about 6:30). I was paid a flat rate for the delivery and something like 5¢ a mile. I had to submit a bill at the end of each week to get paid.
It was great first job. Not much time. The money wasn't bad (considering my expenses) and I was basically on my own.
I was never robed but the thought always crossed my mind after my Father mentioned it. Also the man that was fired, though I was told different, I knew was mad. All my internal battles and questions took the form of physical battle in my head. As for the other possible views - I'm always good at taking any situation and taking it to any extreme with possible actions. I think that's what makes me a good writer. A friend takes a walk in the dark after an argument with his parents - he could get mugged. A friend takes a baby-sitting job for a divorced mother. The father could show up. How do I think my friends would react? What would be the right things to do? How does it turn out? Obviously the Hero always does the right thing and wins. ... For now.*

8308.02

The omen came. I ran in the silent darkeness of morning. All was peaceful and wonderous. Then I fell like a tree, cut from its roots. The smallest of cracks felled my size. I landed and skid on the concrete scraping my flesh from the bone in four places.
I went to work, no problem. The Boss Jear called me 'Late! please pick-up?'. 'Sié' said I and again left the door. Same place, later time, Wait, wait, dream, wait, watch, wait, despair, wait, attempt, fail, wait, leave. Home I speed in fear of loss and incompatance Home I fleed to contact and show inicents. Call, ask, bewilderment, mix-up, mistake, seise call. Back I speed, speed to dead line make. Office? Office?! Hello, no, do you, no, have my, no, package, no, Shit! Contact, inform, talk, dismay, theory, siese call, wait, call, siese call, wait, call I did to my mother hen every ten. 'No!' he cried 'Can't be! Old guy help!' check, walk, wait, call, Other? maybe but doubt. Home I speed for directions on my stead. Hoped she in, away we rode. There, check, wait, check, call. Luck oh, luck of location they inform. Next door, check what left! I no work to do go home.
Draw, age, earser becomes a marker I yell, I scream, I pout, I eat-food at last. 68.5 driven in nought, from 5 to 12.5 hours of the days.
Fantasy changes onem for I, we, they, killed the unkillable, escaped the unescapable, found the rare and healed in arms of women. I have four arms, she had four, we had fun in the night. My friend intellegent, wise, promethean. Death Dealer become Death Master in our game of adventure.
Home I go, Home I am, eat I did, write I do, Sleep I will. work on the morrow, ick!
*The remaining half page is a collage of pictures from the role-playing game. A large tree's branches separate the images of a Cha-Kief, diamond shaped throwing stars, a disfigured face, a normal face, a dagger, and two figures (one with four arms) climbing a wall toward two guards.*

8308.03

I have't much to say. My job takes a new course. My legs heal. There was no continuing fantasy game. I spent some time with Death Dealer. He may not move now. I doodeled endlessly today. Last year teacher of the U.S. past called, now I draw an Ewok. Music surrounds me. Time passes quickly. I will sleep later tomorrow. I start a new workout schedual tomorrow. I begin to eat more. I better foods also. I have visions in my head. I'll sleep them off now. Until tomorrow then. DDK

8308.04

Popie-cock and boulderdash! I'm tired of there pointless point of view. 'Name, Social Security number, School, Name here, type of schooling, 3 refferences, there Names, Your Name again, injuries, physical deffects, physical description, Your entire family tree back to 1719.'
Preposterous, and uncalled for! Riddiculous and more.
Ewok of the premesises with his he-walk, tomorrow. It was done today.
Vitimans, grit junk, Exersize!
And anciet Aztec calender had been put in my possesion. I plan to get weapons soon, make them, buy them, practice wtih them and decorate the walls.
*Drawings of several weapons. Switchblade, Katana, Shuriken, Nunchucka, dagger, Sia, Eskimer sticks, bull whip, and a very elaborate battle axe.*

8308.05

I have many things to do before I retire but I felt like writing now.
Its happening again. I thought I overcame this feeling again, but it came back sooner than before. All I can think about are the innocents envoled in my life. Death Dealer seems to stand out. I think of nearly nothing but how ashamed I feel about myself when I'm around him. My mind wanders and I have disterbing visions of Guilt, Anger, Sorrow, Indisision, Confusion, and usally resulting in my death. I don't contemplate death, but I see it for me consantly.
I have done nothing but have visions to be ashamed of. Visions are not concrete, wishes, or thoughts, only a wandering mind influenced by id. I thought I had controll of certian visions, the ones I was ashamed of, untill today. Death Dealer and I joked about it, but id had siezed me and I couldn't controll my eyes.
As I think of my ashamedness, honor respect, and secretes to Death Dealer more visions grab my mind. Visions of death again only different. This time Dealer*Death* Dealer is dealt the wrong card and I must bare this truma. I see the mortitian make one mistake I can't deal with and vent my ?anger? upon him like a mad man. Death Dealers corpse lying still and defiled.
The visions before were of Me killing, then runing. Helped by Death Dealer and sometimes Thesus I survive only long enough to say that I care and always will then to spill the secrete. Next, I either die or let myself be killed by Death Dealer in his rage. I can also see myself on the mound at night thinking contemplating and pondering my own thoughts. Death Dealer appers and I say the secrete and as I do I pass away, for no reason other than death.
Death is not the answer I need, Vision! It serves no purpose here! Your relate the secrete to death as an escape of the consiquences. I cannot have that relation. I could not do that to Death Dealer, or any of my friends, espeacilly myself!
The secrete is not as bad as Death, but it is possible of great destruction.
I walk a bleek dessart. The hot sands burn my feet to blisters. An oasis apears before me. I greedily quench my thirst to rise and see Death Dealer quesching his thirst. Suddenly the water from the oasis flows from my eyes and a lights comes from these very same eyes. The light bathed Death Dealers muscular body and stripped it of all clothing in my eyes. There were no secretes he could hold. This vision burns my eyes red. The pain was exquisit and sweet, yet most unwanted. Again Death Dealer was clothed in my eyes.
Death Dealer then lifted his head from the water. Light shone from his eyes the water running down his cheeks. It suddenly became very dark about me and I grew cold as the face of Death Dealer is all I could see. The light bathed my body and stripped me of my clothes. There were no secretes, yet no explainations.
The face of Death Dealer grew angry and the light became red.
='NO!'= rang his voice in the darkness. My eyes teared my own tears as I fell to my knees as I begged for understanding.
My flesh was the split asunder by the cutting edges of the Ace of Spades. I bleed drops of greif, sorrow, confusion, understanding, and love.
Soon all returend to as it was before only Death Dealer was gone. His tracks separated from mine and stained with my blood. I then sat by the oasis and stagnated with the water.

8308.06

Of all the sensless half done things. Metal isn't that heavy.

8308.07.

Tomorrow work again. Early must I rise for this yet there is an extra burdon from my to bear.
Enrollment is on morrow, near noon for myself. My labors prevent a normal shcedual for the year yet my friends should get in the day. All will be found tomorrow.
I saw Death Dealer breiflly today. Thesus not at all. My visions continue and I know not what to think.
Death, I've met you a hundred times, and know you not. I have seen you experienced you, cheated you, brushed you, and yet you are a stranger. 'The world is full strangers' I heard someone say once, yet you are the most known stranger. Please go away. Torment me no more by your false answers. Come back when my day has come, no sooner.
Friends, please help me through. Just be here. Say nothing, do nothing, just be.
*Drawing of a Hooded Skull with glowing eyes (Death). A 'self portrait' of me with my hands up and open, palm out (I know it's me because of the curly hair and the head-band) and a scribble that I think is meant to be a flash of light.*

*Since my job finished about 7:30 to 8am everyday I would have been late to school every day. Fortunately I was Senior with a good grade point average and short no hours. So, when I enrolled, I just didn't take a first hour - school didn't start now until 9. This way I also had time in the Library for assignments first thing in the morning if I needed it.*

8308.08

Ask not for whom the bell tolls, for it tolls for thee.
First rang the prolog then the time in sets - first 3, then 2, then 3 again. 8 O'clock rang the bells of doom. I had no key to time or fortwith to enter my vechile.
The merchant got his and laughted as commerce went down the tubes.
Barreling around the corner she came. Screeching tires and a raven haired rider. Lightining shoot from her fingers to open my vehicle door.
In I went and followed this raven haired woman on my red horse colt.
Soon there I stood in a room filled with nothing, signing papers, and watching computers. Clackety-Clack, Clackety-Clack-ching. All was done.
I was sent through the familiar maze and given books. Off I was to Death Dealers side.
Off were we to see some risky bussiness. Eroticly, funny, and thrilling. Most unusuall and good.
'A day well spent in growing from nothing.' yelled the gardener from far away. Unheeded he continued to plant and fear the death of his garden never alowing it to grow.
How universily sad and Tragic.

*Locked my keys in the car while delivering to the banks. Mom had to come and unlock my car. Static gave her a shock. I then followed her to enrollment in my Red Dodge Colt (my car). After enrolling Marc and went to see the movie 'Risky Business' in the Theater.
Are we catching on to the way I write yet? ;)
The Gardener is worth a mention here. I obviously went over to my (Maternal) Grandmother's that day. Her neighbor was always out in his yard gardening. Pulling up one thing or planting another. He was always very friendly. We often talked. My cousin and I thought he was ' a Fag'.*

8309.09

Thesus, poor Thesus. One adventure to many and one mistake in an every day task. a week ago an injury was suffered, today attended. The second metacarple was broken thus leaving his social finger in an up-right posision in set plaster! One full cubit does this cast hold of our fair Thesus. His pain is increased but fading in and out. 3 weeks will this hold.
Killroy was spotted today. We spoke words of acadimy and missed classmanship. Dr. Killroy is the goal his work is for.
My cousin the swimmer is advanced a year to "fool" says the name. No fool is he or his sister the 'Fresh-man' mentioned to her start. I look forward to sssing them both as the year of school goes on.
Death Delaer, less than hour spent with you today, yet your hyperactivness has set in on me. I ramble on quickly like a fool, and write like a secratary behing schedual as my mind races forward.
My hadn quiver from work and bite of insectiscs or an aracnid, brown. Ice set in then, sleep now, for early again I rise for the 1 work of merchants for comerse in chess. Check-mate!
Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!

8308.1Ø

The day was. That was all. Nothing was done, nothing happened.
I was bored, we shoped for new atire, I watched T.V., I dreamed. I was so bored I took a nap (when your bored anything can happen).
Tommorrow things will happen if I have to make them happen.

8308.11

Today was like yesterday, I made nothing happee. Tommorow though will be different. Death Dealer and I have spoken and plan a meeting of unknown length.
Today though was differnt, I was driven mad with new life and was plaugued by a puzzleing vision.
I was searching for Death Dealer and Thesus with the aid of an assassin, a 'Dealer of Death'. The end is what puzzled me, I had found the abductor of my friends and killed her. Then the assassin queried me,'You've completed the quest, but have you found what you after? Did you even know what you searched for? Was it a quest of Love, friendship, vengance, violence, boredom perhaps?'
I could not answer, for it was all and none. I put aside everday task for the quest, I cared for my friends, and hated the woman that took them.
What was the answer, I need to learn.

8308.12 supplementary

I sit here alone with only music to acompany me. I am dressed in black and I seem to be thinking that way recently.
I take my stance and await the battle. They attack and I smile. Death Dealer smiles and launches his attack. I resist, I counter, I fight back for I realize whats happening to me. Death Dealers bare fist hands firmly on my chin, then my arm, chest, solar plexus, back, kidneys, shoulderblade, chin, chest, arm, back. Again and again he hits, again and again I try to block and counter. Death Dealer steps back and laughs,
'Come on its only sparing. Don't be afraid to hit me back. Come on hit me.'
Death Dealer drops his gaurd inviting my attack. I realized now that if I don't fight back physicly for the sake of whats in my mind nothing will ever be the same.
I lurch forward like a mad dog and attack like such an animal. My mind races - Fight this, let him symbolize these thoughts, defeat the thoughts, conquere the fear they have, Fight, fight!
I land a few soild blows but the fact that my fist are bare only help the thoughts. Death Dealer has too much skill for me to defeat, and I'm not thinking rationaly. I lose the battle.

My thoughts, vision, No! I refuse! No No No No
Thesus attacks while my mind is else where. Thoughts to myself - No, he's the same yet different. The style is worse for me, Defend - fight hard against!
I land hard on the floor but roll away before Thesus pins me down. Bare chested we grapple musel against mussel, sniew VS. sniew. He symbolizes the thoughts in my mind, I struggle hard against them. =Sucome= they say =Let him fall against you and hold you the ground= ~NO!~ I yell to these thoughts as I tumble Thesus over me and slam him to the floor. ~Friend, He's my friend! I can't think such things of him! I can't! I won't ~
Thesus was nearly pined when the thoughts struck back =That's it pin him, throw your body against his, hold him down!=
How can you defeat such a foe? If I sucome the plesurable blows he wins. If I defeat him the thoughts win mastery of me.
Thesus rolls out from under unaware the thoughts. He still laughes and continues the sparring.
I break away and yell 'Truce' But Thesus leaps forward and pins me down.

'No thank,' he says 'I just won.'
The same thought, the same things. Each I felt the same, each I lost the same only the style of each differed.
Death Dealer and Thesus then began to spar each other. I sit down the Thoughts flood me over again.
I lost, I failed both times. The thoughts, visions and feeling riegn over again, out of controll out of moral.
There friends, damn it, they'd kill you if they knew! They can't know, but they should. I can't deal with the hurt, the anger, the confusion, the mistrust it would cause.
=Pig swill! Dirt! Scum!= the images of friends yell at me as they leave. The pain wrenches me from inside.
As I write this I know it has happended, many times, too many times. I know also that the reaction of friends would tear me apart if anyone ever knew. As I write this I nearly want to cry, but can't for some reason. When I can it will either be the end of my problem or my sanity.
Love and care for my firends. I wish never to think these thought, but I do, I can't help it.

I hope, but know it won't, that my friends would understand this.
I can't handle Being Alone!
please don't ever leave me.
. . Total Eclipse of the Heart.
8308.12
Death Dealer and I walked, and talked on a subject I dred.
'You don't find them unfortunate?' he asked me unknowingly.
'I tend to look at the person, not his or her preferences or tendacys. They don't make the person.' I answered.
'No they don't make them, but they shape them greatly. I wouldn't like a person at all if they had these 'preferences and tendancys' as you call them.' he replied.
'Oh, you couldn't like a person this way? Not at all?' I replied.
"No. I couldn't. Not at all.'
The irony of it all. What I wouldn't give to show you your wrong. I know your wrong. I am the like of such, and you like me, you in fact consider me one of your best friends. But I know if I said, that your trained mind would suddenly wipe me from your favorable memorys and foster a great hate for me. I can't do that. I care to much for our friendship.
And the she-wolf attacks, viciously.

8308.13

The violence of madness, confusion, and bordom welled within him untill the explosion.
All I could do was sit and watch as he destroyed a piece of cardboard roughly 12 x12 inches.
Deaht Dealer sometimes I wonder and worry about you.
He started to scar the board with death stars, soon it wasn't enough. You then draw from your arsinal a Saber bladed, katana handled sword. You scared every inch of the board speaking not a word, and getting a glaze in your eye.
Furry showed on your face as you threw the bored into air and cleved it in half with the blunting balde. You cleved the halfs, sliced the fourths, and crunched the smaller pieces.
Soon you left many of the pieces alone, one found one and concintrated on it. You got down on your knees, swung the saber about your head and brought it point down to met a small 1 inche triangle. You repeated this action over and over again, aim improving, glaze continueing.
For nigh unto 2Ø minutes you preformed this act, then cleaned up, put the blade away, and went on with the evening.
I keep wondering what you thought.

© March 1998 (copyright implied by date of entry, date covers web publication)