Book 1 1982 October 1 to 1983 June 8

8305.15

"Oh, mama I'm in fear for my life from the long arm of the law.
Wingo comin' down from the gallows and I haven't very long."
I lie in the clearing, wounded badly from my last two encounters. My left arm mangled, dirty, gangreeous, and bleeding hangs limply to my side. My eyes put out by the massive claws the white haired beast. My frail, and physicaly depleted body lies limply in the dirt. My mind slowly returning to consciousness.
My minds ear hears repeatedly 'Get up, quickly he's coming!" As I slowly return to consciousness my ears hear the snaping and russeling of foilage and underbrush to my front. My body, grogily rebelliously begins to stand. 'I need a crutch' I think, and my blind hands feel about for one. I find a quarter-staff and force my wieght upon it, making a broken body stand.
"Who's there." I demand in weak and failing voice.
"It is I" replied the voice of the white haired gentelman, "I warned you, taught you. Why can't you win?!" The voice pleaded with me, and struck a chord I couldn't answer.
"There are no excuses this time. Come you crippled boy, stand and fight." the voice changed from that of the gentelman to the raspy voice of the beast. I heard the clawed feet steping closer and closer, faster and faster. The steps turned from a walking pat to runing thunder. I held out the quarter-staff in my right hand, braced myself and laughed. The battle had begun and I knew I was going to die.

* I remember thinking I was going to Fail Wingo's class. I had always gotten A's and B's except when tested on spelling in English. Phys. Ed. classes where always touch and go. I knew this would be the first study class that I was going to out-right fail. I didn't like the feeling.
Remember what they say about a cornered animal though.*

8305.16

A Roar whized by my head and something knocked my stick. Did the beast miss? What happened?
Suddenly something hard, like wood, hit my face and feel. Suddenly the dark pall of night left my right eye. Brown, blood matted hair fell over my eye. As I sweept it I saw the beast holding a glowing book in his talons. On the left page was a picture of a tiger fighting a dragon. Emposed on the tiger a skull, emposed on the dragon, nothing. On the right page the word. 'Justice'.
'Its a sign' I said to myself. 'The tiger is I, fighting a Dragon beast. The dragon has nothing while the tiger has a skull. Damon's sign of Victory!'
Suddenly the book was torn apart and slamed shut. The beast threw away the book and charged straight toward me. I was luled into false sence of security as the beast charged, for I only felt confident and raised my stick.
My pain already to great I felt no more as he mercilessly tore off my left arm, shredded my staff as his talons raked up my right arm, riped through my scalp, and injected a vile posion into my system. The posion quickly leaked out of my arm with the green puss from the infection.
The beast began to pound on my senceless body and as the pumeling fist hit all I could think was 'is this all?'
I could no longer stand and I lost the vision of my eye again. The White beast then yelled 'Wing-go!' a last time as his fist landed on my reclined face. Then he left, just left.
I then pulled my broken body up into a lotus posision, the voices of friends were near and the sound of music floated in. I will meditate now, I will heal and await the Judges dicision.
I walk a black room, dark and desolate, such is a mind after the fight.

8305.17

The black room, or space streched for an infinity. My Astral form floated along here waiting for the Judge to call, while the physical form healed.
Suddenly a white light coned down from the darkness and engulfed me in its brightness. Then from behind me came the loud bang of the gavel and I turned to face the Victorian, white whigged, Judge.
'Sir!' said I ' I did well, no?'
The old, round face scowled.
'Well!' yelled he in anger his black ceromony robes blowing in some unfelt breeze. 'Well! My son you fouled up, screwed up and messed up! You couldn't even stand after the last two battles, as you lay there the next started. You were unprepaired, weak, and quickly luled into a false sence of security! The beast tore off your left arm, put out both your eyes and scared your body with muiltiple laserasions and contusions! Oh, you did real well.'
'I'm sorry my liege,' answered I.
'Sorry? Sorry! I except no excuses. And for giving one I deduct more.
'I have no choise but to pronounce you guilty and failing.' Bam! sounded the gavel.
'Please realize your case leaves much to be desired, but you have one more chance. Report to the teacher with white hair and study. The beast will be back in two weeks. Be ready!'
Bam sounded the gavel again.
The lights went out, the Judge disappeared, and I was left alone.

8305.18

I must conintrate in this darkness. All my wounds are healed, though I am left with-out eyes and my left arm.
I must change my weapon, a quarter-staff is not handled well with one arm. What shall it be? Numchucks, Sai, Katona, shurikin, rifle, bolo, dagger, rapiere, rope, truncheon, cross knife, mace, flagon? Which do I chose?
"Come out." said a calm, lilting and wise vocie, "Come out where ever you are."
The darkness of my mind leaves for the darkness of sightlessness.
"Who's there?" I asked
"Your teacher." replied the voice.
"My teacher? Your not he. He be a white haired gentelman."
"Come off the old english speech. I'm the extention of the teacher."
"Your name?" I queried.
"Johnathen. Johnathen Livington Seagull." 
"Seagull?" I said. I reached out to met the small white, powerful frame of a seagull, with feathers smoother than silk.
"Your a bird. How can you teach me?"
"I can teach anything, show most, and answer anything."
He said it with such pride I could feel no less than moved, and curious.
"What weapon should I use againt the beast?"
"Yourself, your mind, and your love!" he answered curtly.
"No weapon?!" said I.
"Realize now, you are limitless, and no more or less. You can do anything you want. Just realize, you've already done it!"

Thus went my training, I learned to see with no eyes, and see better than any man. I learned to fight and calculate, and I learned to unlock my nimd. I will conquere next, out of love, for you can't conquere feeling fear. This time I will be ready. I will be good, and I will not fail. I will learn and battle and learn in battle.
Teach me Jon, teach me all! I want to learn, I will learn.
*drawing of a stylized bird and in the 'distance' from the ribcage up a man with his arm severed at the elbow wearing a blind fold and his other arm raised into the text.*

8305.19

'Death Dealer, good day!'
'For now.' he replied bitterly.
'Be you in a bad mood? Perhaps a little sparing would help?'
'Draw a card.' he said darkly, as he pulled out a deck and manipulated it like a fan.
I reached in a drew a card, it came out an ace, the ace of spades. Death Dealer smiled, the ace of spades was the death card.
'I've been waiting for this,' he said grimly. 'Though I admit ... ' he said while manipulating the cards to turn over ' ... I stacked the deck against you.' The whole deck came up ace of spades.
He then leaped upon me like a wild beast, laughing histericly. Fear, quickly, welled up inside me.
'You are a limitless being' said Johnathen 'Do what you must!'
'Fear' thought I 'is an emotion, a feeling of something I reject. What do I reject? A piece of myself that I fear. cCnfront a fear, and it dwindles, it must!'
'I reject your violence!' I yelled
'I reject because it is in myself and I do not like it uncontrolled. I reject your prophecy of death for I'm not ready to die, thus I expell your inflected wounds.!"
Death dealer vanished, and a radiant gull circled above. =Face your fear of the white Beast like that and you'll do well. You have learned much of fear today, you'll learn more in the fight. Tomorow we learn of love. Come now and rest pupil. Ponder on what you learned.=
Thus all faded to black.

8305.2Ø

In fades a party, with old friends, new friends, aquantinces, and new people.
Yet the party is Angel's, for Angel, for she goes away, Moving from her pack of friends.
'If a friendship relize on such things as space and time, then we shall overcome space and only have Here. Overcome time and all we have is Now, and between Here and Now I think we can mange to see eachother once or twice.'
Angel we love, and will miss you. May you forever keep us in your heart.
'Face the white haired beast with love. Its his going away party. The last time you face him. He will be mystified and disorienated. You will be sharp desisive, and ready. You will overcome, not humilate. Do you understand?'
'Yes Jon. Live in love not fear, and you will perserver.'

8305.21

'Now' said Johnathan 'We learn to fight, This is De Shana, a Rain weaver (AKi the artist), This is Kameck, a Valki warrior (AKi Thesus). Death Dealer is your guide.'
So from meditation to murder flew I. We killed and stole to surrvive. We met a hobit named Jester, and later witnessed his brutal death at the jaws of wolf. We met a small but very strong snake with arms, he was wise and spoke, his name Gor-gin.
I spun a staff, a sword, a dagger, and shot a crossbow. I killed many and learned to hear.
De Shanna killed to Orges and we are ready to cross a bridge of thorns .... and we stop.
'Why Johnathen?'
'The bridge is latter. You've learned to fight. Tomorrow you'll grow and learn to learn. Now you need your rest. So sleep.'
I couldn't resist, all I did was close my eyes to oblivian, and darkness. I sleep, and rest fittfully. Live for now, tomorrow is a dream, yesterday a memory. So I sleep for a dream.
8305.22
'Traverse this, your next test. If you fail, you will be ill prepared for the confrontation.'

'But Sire, tis only a bridge of thorns. What can I learn from them?'
'Walk and find out. I'll met you on the other side.'
'Then you too must traverse the bridge.'
'True.' With that the seagull flaped his magnificent wings and lifted his sleek body into the air. With one more stroke of his wings his form shifted into one of pure light and shot forward like a meteor through the tunnel.
I looked down at myself, cloaked in a black smock and mockicines of leather. 'This should protect me' I thought.
Thus I started in. The thorns black as night, tough as steel, grabed out at me like fingers of anger, and bit my flesh like the teeth of a ribid animal. But the cloak persevered.
Suddenly from behind me came to burning red stars in the dark. What is it? Then came a glare of sharp white. It steps closer and I notice the features ... Its a very large spider.
I turn and run, driving a thorn through my foot and falling into a very large web. I'm caught, no way out!

Think, quickly, think!
The hungery spider drudges on slowly, driping saliva from his mandabels.
'I could get out of the clothing. It would free me from the web!' I thought 'No, the thorns would tear my flesh to shreds! Oh, what tangeled webs ... we ... Of course!'
I quickly jump out of my clothing, climb under the web and trudge on leaving the spiders behind. Now naked the thorns tear at my feet and I step more carefully, slower, and more sure. Duck, dodge, weave, lunge, leap, grap, and hold. I walk and walk. My footage sliped every once-in-a-while, but I found if I'm slow and calm, it would be secure and be less painfull.
One hour later, I emerged from the tunnle to see Johnathon. 'How did I do?'
'What did you learn?'
'The naked truth is better than hiding behind a mask or coustume, even though it may be more. If you hide you only get caught in your own web of deseption. If your slow and sure your foundation is better and if it slips you have time to find another, if your quick and paniced, you fall and injure yourself more than help in the end.'
'You did fine boy. Now sleep, we review all tomorrow. Then there will be a mock test. Then we confront the white beast, and see how to apply this to other test and challenges. Then I will leave you. be ready, prepare in your sleep.

8305.23

'Review!' snaped John
'Face the white beast with love of knowldge, not fear of failure. Fear creates haste, haste makes for guess and paniced action against a clam foe. Open up, make no lies or guess or assumetions, for to assume makes an ass out of You and me. My mind set on the positive, I can't fail in my own mind, which will show externally.'
'Again!' squaked John.
'Face fear, confront fear, use love, use knowledge. Go slow, be sure. Think positive.'
'Once more!' comanded John
'Eliminate fear, feel love, Know be slow, be postive.
'Last time!'
"Fear, love, Knowledge, time, positive.'
'Good.' said John 'Now we will spare and you will tomorrow go through a little test. Then you face the white haired test.'
'White haired test?'
"Think of him as a beast, you'll fear him like one. On gaurd!'
And the seagull flew about my blind self like an eagle. Diving, swooping, deflecting, putting me to the limit of my physical training and exercising my limitless mind.
Then I rest. And so did John. Tomorrow there are tests!

8305.24

I awoke from meditation to the sounds of birds, runing water, and the coughs of an old man.
Having no eyes I reached out with sences and found it was the White haired old gentelman, my teacher named Wayne.
"Teacher your back.' I said with mild suprize and pleasure.
'What about my back?!' he snaped, then he smiled and said warmly 'Oh! you mean 'I'm back".
We both chuckled lightly and he asked 'How are yo doin' boy?'
'Oh, I still stand.'
'Well then lets get started. Lets Whip it, and whip it good.'
'You mean the test? Great. We do we start?' said I excitedly.
'When you relearn 'hast makes waste.' he said sternly.
'You're right. I must be slow and let it come to me.'
"Good! Now give me a hug.' said the teacher with a tort. A hug learn by the teacher of life and the Artist is one which I shared with him, and all fears vanished.
'Those were the tests.' he said gently.
'But those will hardly prepare me for ...'
'I know,' he interupted 'But thats all Johnny told me to give you. Go on off, practice and ponder, but be ready. The test comes, and I'll watch for it.

Sweet dreams are made of these
Who am I to disagree
Traveled the world and Seven seas
Everybody is looking for something
Some want to be used
Some want you to be used
Some want you to be abused
Some want to be abused
Sweet dreams are made of these
Who am I to disagree.

I am I, I belive in you, I live for us, but sacrifice not I, or you, for us. I feel ready, but doubt remains. Doubt is fear, and I can't have it. So I am ready, I know, so I Am Ready.

8305.25

There I sat, in a half lotus, concentrating on an imaginary dot of red light. That dot, I thought, symbolized all my doubt. Its so small, I continued, but it's be enought to cause failure. It must vanish.
I concentrated on that dot and tried to make it vanish with my own doubt following. It got no smaller. Can I make it smaller and vanish? More doubt, the dot grew.
Suddenly, I was riped from my meditations, by a sharp pronounced scream of terror. My ears quickly became alert and as I ran closer to the scream, closer to palp of terror, all thought turned to battle. The scream stoped but the smell of blood quickly lead me to the spot.
I arrived to the clearing of training, and a dead silence. There were four scents, three known, one familar yet unplaced. I reached out with my mind and my sightless eyes recieved a picture to confirm three scents, a horrible picture.
There lie the forms of a magnificent bird and a gentel old man, mangled and lieing in pools of blood. Teacher, bird, blood, three scents. The came the fourth strong and pugnat. A sound, behind me, I turn quickly and suddenly realize it all.

"Still cripled from our last three incounters, I see. Sightless and with one arm you wish to take me on?!'
'And win, you animal!' I replied to the white beast, only to be met with laughter.
'You've seen what I've done to you teachers, haven't you?'
'There comes a time for every student to surpass, overcome, or deal with the loss of a teacher. I do all three now.'
'I admire you're courage. To bad you'll have to die!'
'So sayth you!' I replied defiantly.
<WING = GO!!> howled the beast as his fist whistled through the air and slamed into my chest.
I rolled with the punch and then reached out with mind to see. I saw the beast advancing and strangly enough he seemed smaller, or I larger. I planed quickly and exicuted with care, a foreward roll, kicking the beast straight in the teeth.
He screamned in pain, blood coming from his mouth. I smiled slightly. He roared the battle cry, for the first time, through brocken teeth, and charged in rage.
I steped aside leting run past in rage to run into a tree. Mader than before he swung his fist and I blocked with my right stub, and punched with my left fist. *dyslexia - should be the other way around.*
Stuned the beast stood, not knowing what to do. I took the inititive. I again reached out with my mind, and siezed the beasts. I concintrated on fire, and the beast's mind burned. Screaming back off into the forest the beast ran, and I stood triumpant.
'I have no wounds to heal Judge! You come to me, I'll not wait in the darkenss of meditation.'

8305.26

What happened next in this odd world, I now live in, happened fast and in a chaotic maner.
First a wind of hurricane force blew about me, and knocked me to my knees.
The trees bent and the green leaves turned to white paper as they were torn lose and flung about in the breaze. My sences helped me deflect the paper, sustaining only minor cuts.
As the paper all blew off into the breeze I became joyous and eleated. I won again! I did a back flip, jumped staight up letting out an excited screech, and fell back down to land on ... air?
The ground, I senced, passed my face quickly. I reached out with my left hand and siezed hold of some firm ground.
I heard chanting below, and foot steps above.
'Helloo! anyone about!?' I yelled up to the footsteps, only to be greated by a shrill voice yelling,
'Die in the name of the the group!'
Then a hard object fell upon my fingers and I fell. I reached out with my mind and my sences. Like a cat, I landed on my feet, ready for action.
I inhaled and my nostiles flared as I picked up the scent of a 100 persons. All chanting wildly in corresponence.
I reallized what I faced and acted quickly. I stood and let my unique aura spead out amung them and muttered the word needed - 'Dirkhien - sociology.'
All fell dead silent, all I smelled was blood.
Then shooting through the silence like a shot came a familar voice.
'I'm here you impudent welp!'
'Judge, I'm gald to 'see' you here.'
'Can the patter boy.'
'Why are you in a bad mood? Vent not your spleen upon me. Pass on only your Judge of battle with the beast.'

"You won and you know it. But! ... This is highly irregular. Calling me about as if I were a dog. I subtract!'
'But you can't ...'
'But I can! And I will. Also, you where arogant and excess in your defeat of the beast. I subtract! You are just above the median son. And there I let you stay.'
'What do you mean excesive?'
'All right, I award you one point. You're still in the same place. I go now, and you will leave.'
'What about the records? It's my right to have the originals.'
'So it is.' The Judge waved his hands and disappeared. From were he stood flew forth the papers, scattering about me to land like a patch-work-quilt.
'Basterd' I said under my breath.
Suddenly vertigo took my mind. My world spun quickly about me until it forced me to my knees then to an unconscious heap on the floor.
When I awoke, I had sight, and an arm. My eyes rest on the Artist.
'Wha ... what happened?' I asked.
'You sliped honey. You have a nasty knot on your head.'
'Then it was all a dream?'
'What was a dream?' asked her lilting voice.
'Nothing, nothing at all. Give me a hug.'

8305.27

The last day of schol. I have nearly finished my quilt of quotes.
All who where men and women, 'Graduated' today. 'Graduate', what does it mean, what is it, does it really exist?
Nature seemed nearly mad at the idea. The skys swelled, turned black, and blew cloudly sperpents about. Those dark cloudly serpents even swept about and formed a cirlce above the crowed masses. It could have turned into Mother Natures most awsome land weapon, a tornado!
But the serpents only flew about more, breaking circular patterns. Mother Nature then rained on the students, washing way there innocents and babtising there new lives.
If it continued. Many a Student learned nothing, and out drank Dionosus. It made my Madd, and Sadd, yet I pitied them most.
I can have a good time , and not really on false and exterior stumulis. Life, Laughter and friends are all I need. Its the best kind of high on earth (and no side-effects other than a better friend).
To bad many may die, and over a nation, many will.

*It was an incredible sight that I still remember watching. Older friend Graduating and seeing the black sky form clouds that circled above us. There was no wind on the ground. Then as suddenly as it began, it stopped, letting us finish the ceremony, and then just let down torrents of rain.*

©1997 December (Date implied by entry date, Date of copyright covers web publication)