Book 1 1982 October 1 to 1983 June 8

8304.22

Friday, the last day, a break with no end.
Late, Death Dealer and the Mirrorr, whoes name now changes to Thesus, the small powerfull hero of the Greeks after defeating the Minotaur, droped by. We talked laughed once or twice and left to see a moving picture of life.
Bad boys were they all. Bad boys will they always be. There were no Good guys to focus on. Just as in real life.
Prision, a corrupt society. The prisoners, all bad, the citizens. The Guards, once but no longer "tough guys". The Guards symbolize rules, regulations, morals of right.
Drugs, robbery, violence, death, accidental death. Revenge, death, violence, rape, attempted death.
Thus two negitive forces meet, and conflict. Guards try to maintain order. Bets are placed, rage mounts, each negitive force loses his backing, his conscience, his drive. Yet rage mounts, supision mounts, tension mounts.
Then Confrontation! The Guards are locked out, no rules, no morals. What happens when emotions and violence are set free in a situation with no rule.
Rage, violence, blows, blood, pain, cuts, emotions - Revenge, Survival.
Niether side truely won. Survival could have killed, revenge would have.
The kinfe rises ....
'He raped my girl and tried to kill her!'
the knife begins to fall .....
'I want out of here! I can't kill."
the knife hesitates ....
'What do I do' what did he think.
the knife falls with a thud!
Thus survivle drags off the revenge. He moans. Each leaves the knife embeded in the floor, niether side dieing, advancing, wining, or losing.
However, with the gaurds locked up, rule is still established.

8304.23

The move complete, the rotuen destroyed. I have moved from old to new, up/down to down/up.
The tick, the tock! Constant, rythmic, monotonus, continuing, tick tock, tick tock! tick tock!
The squeek, the squell, the schreech! that fuzzy black animal will drive me crazy!
I hve moved but an not yet at home. my aritvacts are here but not in place.
What it needs . . .
. . .is a demons .. .
. . . . touch . . .
. add that . . .
. . . Homey feeling!

*This would apparently be when I got to move into the basement of our house. I bigger room all to myself. The regulator Grandfather clock (an old school room clock) was inherited with the room. It was a very loud Tick - Tock. I became so used to it that I noticed the minute it stopped because of an eerie sense that something was wrong.
The animal was a guinea pig. I loved that little animal but it's high squeals drove me nuts.*

8304.24

The weather was magnificent all weekend. It formed my attitude and helped me threw!
The home is in a state of "livable, organized, choas and clutter". I am the same. My rotuen, shot to hell, and reforming slowly. Its like viewing a puzzle picture. I must put it together piece by piece, yet I must have it completed to view it correctly.
A new day comes, a monday, a day of work. The weekend flew by as it were but only minutes.
The teacher life is to greet us monday with lectures and lessons in sex. Many await with drool in there mouths, others are to greet it with stupidity.
Others like myself, feel they know enough but await the chance to find out there's more I didn't know. A chance to learn something new.
My tick-tocking regulartor tells me its time I get along with my words and finish out this enty. My life seems to grow in leaps and bounds, I learn more and more every day, and I'm glad for it.
Its off now to illusions of grandure and heroism after and adrenilin rush. I tire myself. Good days!

8304.26

Again, my routine, shot to hell! I can't do, I want to, I really could, I really should!, but its to much trouble.
I ... I can't believe ... my thoughts! God Damn fuck ups, Go to hell, Shitheaded lunnitics and more ... much more. *I didn't actually swear outloud until the last day of my Senior year in High School. The fact that I had the thoughts to swear disturbed me.*
I'm ... mad, really. Not crazy mad, but mad! The funny thing is .... I ... I really, for the life of me ... don't know why!
I explode in simple matters. I envision several ... violent things! Some ... some centered on, myself. Others ... one, no! about others. I ... kill them, hurt them ... even ..... m-mutalate them... Why!? All for what!?
I have dreams of a physcic, accidental world war three with the nuclear bombs! One day the man just sleeped ... to late! and boom!
I see the little boy wakeing and fighting a dragon in his dreams. he wants to wake, but can't .... he knows ... he can't! ... Not yet ... anyway ... not yet!

8304.27

Words, words, meanings attached, lables, words - lables all!
'How do you know its name?' she asked the attendant.
'I get it from up here.' she said as she pointed to her head.
'How do you retrive that information?'
'I don't know.' responded the nurse.
'A-ha.' said the old lady affirmingly.
'Do you know it's name?' asked the nurse again. The old lady picked up a handful of the cold white powder.
'I do now. Isn't it funny? I knew what it was, but I didn't know what to call it until I picked it up.'
"Yes that is funny.' responded the nurse.

Why? why is that funny. Even if they where only discusing snow, she knew what it was, just not what to call it. She could call things as she sees them, not as others call them. In many ways what a gift, in others I'm sure a curse.

Times ticks ten to ten
Twelve turns to late.
Times twisted trails,
tapers time to fast.
Time ticks ten,
Time to tend to things
time tells tending needs.
Tick tock, Tick tock
Time ticks ten tenths to ten.
. . . Ta ta!

8304.28

The day has flown past and become a blurr.
Bus, silence, odd, class, friends, plans, class, laughter, trouble, behind, class, revealing, questions, Learning, sex, words, laughter, quote, lunch, different, moved, stangers, alien, confusion, class, death, Japanese, komikazi, divine, suicide, lecture, class, reports, drosey, rap-up, sleep?, lecture, surprize, class, worry, warning, laughter, leave, locker, borrow - back, bus, loud, hyper, home-work, plans, affirmed, jerk, walk, short-cut, cocky, freinds, new freinds, barrberic, wrestle, joke, kid, kill, jerk, late, ride, talk, advise, poor, home.
The bluring colors now make me sick, and I feel queezy, dizzy.
I hope to sleep off the colage and rest well.
I must quit now. Fare the Well.

8304.29.

An end! and end! A weeks end! a weekend! an end to school, to lessens, to work.
An end to confusion, for the house shapes up!
An end to arguments with jerks!
An end! and end!

Evilspeak, Evilspeak.
A secrete for thee to keep
A deed for thee
Evilspeak! said he
Ask and I obey!
There is a price to pay.
Evilspeak, Evilspeak
a secrete for thee to keep
Anything my lord and master!
Find a woman, and bring her.
Here my master, here she is!
Pray woman, for now your his!
Evilspeak, Evilspeak
A secrete for you to keep
and out came the Demon,
of hellfire and Semen.
A creature of desire and lust,
he took her and spoke as he must!
Evilspeak, Evilspeak,
A secrete for you to keep
Now you are mine
the escasy is fine
I break through your pubic hair,
So my son shall you bare.
Evilspeak, Evilspeak
a secrete for you to keep
Get back you evil beast
keep you claws from my breast
Your son will be nill
for your semen I kill!
Evilspeak, Evilspeak
The secrete for you to keep
The incident is past
the women is chast
Yet she bares a son
Was the deed done?
Evilspeak, Evilspeak.

8304.3Ø

A boy and his dog,
A man and a woman
A man and his dog.

A midnight man with music in his ears.
So late a man must rest.
Sawn patrol rolls through my eyes, and this Midnight man wishes not to be in that posey.
Acid guitar plays, and ears are pierced as thoughts roll on a Midnight man, Dawning Star, Madem Mid-day or Mother Noon, and Dr. Dusk.
Drean on Boy, dream on!

*Despite what you may think reading these - I did not do any kind of drugs. As I told others at the time, "If I can do this sober, why do I need drugs?"*

8305.01

V said he, for the visitors came
V cried he, for he knew what it meant
First the Germans, now the Red Coats
V pleaded he!
V said they, we come in peace
V cried they, we are your friends
First we fool you, then we take you.
V pleaded they.
V, they came, V, they stayed
Weather Visitor, Viper, or Victor,
We know not but V.
V said they, we will teach you all
V said they, children come along
V cheered them, Your so much fun
V cheered them, take us all!
V cried he, don't you realize?
V cried he, it looks like Childhoods end.

8305.02

'Wing-go!" yelled the beast.
This time I don't fear, I feel prepared. Attack me then see if I pass this test of power.
Try to be friends to a friendless man, what gets it you, a savage attack of the lone, lonely wolf.
V said he, and V they followed
V said she, and V they acomplished
Just a timeless man in a timeless land looking down to his timeless hand.
Watch wax watches
watch them swelt
Watch wax watches
watch them melt
Sleep, sleep oh timeless sleep let me slumber so deep, deep!

8305.03

To catch a man unaware, It is really quite unfair.
When my mind is screwed It is really quite ... rude
I don't know what time it is where I am, when I am.
The month eludes me, the day is gone.
the frigging white beast did it again and my mind is drained.
My mothers mothers' mother took out my mother's mother, my mother, my brother and I for my mother's mother's birthday. My mother thought my brother was crazy, And now I realize its May, month of the Mother, with mothers day coming and and Indian dinner coming my way on mothers day, Oh brother!
The Doc, of all animals, gave me a scare, making me think he ran away.
Then Suprise, muscles must work aggain, and they don't want to, Ha!
All falls now, said chicken little. I have a headache now!

8305.4

I see my thinker and think.
Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits. Yet when I just sits, I end up thinking.
I think of humans, the greatest machine ever to live. We are made of billions and trillions of cells, we think, compute, process, analys, remember, display emotions and become independant personalitys.
Yet there is also machenery to alow us movement, existance and suport our every other need.
We have the ability to manufacture our own spare parts, build ourselves and grow in capacity.
If one can't heal itself, others can help it heal. When we can no longer heal, think, or manufacture, we ... turn off, disassemble slowly, and become non-existant, we ... die.
Yet new units are being made constantly, a beautiful process by which, two units bond together and and concieve a new unit which grows and becomes, learns, and feels in experience. It becomes geared to a specific function, without leaving out his other previous functions.
And the amazing part is, we don't even use our full potential, we hold back. And when we release we don't know it. 'It is amazing what one can do, when he doesn't know what he can't do.' If programed as a can't, we won't. Yet if we don't know can't, we will, showing we can!
Man will try, and he can try all he wants, but he will never create better than himself, without creating new life (possibly surpasing that life there now) and possibly his new master. Yet he (man) doesn't like to be ruled over, and will rebel, again being superior.
Oh, wonder, wonder. I ponder the mysterys of the mind and the lesser universe.

8305.05

Be good, be good! be good, be good!
Your a strange boy Johnny,
But I like ya'! So tell me Johnny,
what kind of boy are you?
I only like dreaming!
Dreaming of a massive attack,
the Indian in black,
a man named Adam,
Others of hell and damn,
Socerry and magic.
Wondering what is the trick,
A . Dealer . of . Death,
A . Stroke . of . Death,
A . Mark . . of . Death,
A . Man . . of . Death!

Precognitive, recognitive
Telepath, Telekenetic
Soccerer, Witch, Wizard.
Warlock, Congerer, Conquerer.

Damn uprooted routines!
and the reformation there of!

Damn the White haired beast! and my own unpreparedness!

and Damn evil thoughts! and there source!

8305.07

Sorry I missed a day, but the Dominator had the best of me, but I watched him run.
I hope to make up for it by describing this ... man (I hesitated because there is nothing higher, more respectable, or fitting to call him). He's not a lord or master because he holds nothing spectacular in the way of power or riches, he is instead a renisanicants man.
He holds talent in all realms of indevore. His frame is small and compact, yet full of work and sweat in the form of power and muscels. He uses these to fight and compete in endurance races. Yet this power of muscel is used in graceful, artful manor. For he is also a skater (wheels which are heavy is his domain).
But his mind, attched to hands, large, strong, powerful, graceful, hands, is what I envy the most. His mind is knowledgeable and most of all creative and sensitive, and his hands show it. For with his hands, he writes the most beatiful songs, to which his commanding voice gives breath and meaning, and his hands give meaning and life. These powerful hands can make a piano live, and give off beatiful music, and a room brighten with life not light.
Yet the same hands that fight, and lift, but are sensitive enough to write a play, also caress a woman. He cares for her, and shows it often, and I'm sure the ballets I heard (which he wrote) came from his heart for her. She is very lucky.
I stood in awe before the man I hadn't seen in three years. I stood stupified watching his hands make music, recalled from his mind with no paper! I felt ashamed for what I used to think of him, of what everyone thought. We mercilessly called him "pig-eyes" and "Geeroogee!" if we only knew, perhaps we wouldn't have said or thought such things.
Why the hell did we think them before?!

Geroge L*last name*, if ever you hear this, please listen. You stand before me as more than a man. I consider myself lucky to have known you if even for a breif time. I wish I had known you better, and pray you forgive me for anything I may have said in the past. I would like to think I never called you a name, or at least not as often, but I can't remember how creul I was, I'm Sorry. But if you do nothing else listen to this wish; Please go out into the world, and be yourself! You bring in much joy and happiness! And when people don't listen, sing it, play it and make the world sing along. There's music in your soul George, use it!
And be wise ... like you have been.
signed; DDK

8305.08

A night of food, fun and friendship!
Killroy and his spicy hot indian feed. The food was hot the people grand and Killroy a friend. He guided me well through the experience and we talked of great things. Then we went to his home and met his family past, and present then experineced Scottland through there eyes.
Then to Death Dealers for conversion and sparing. The conversion was fun, learned, and cosmic. Then we learned of body and spirit and spared as friends.
Now I sit here writing, writing thoughts of the day and eating a donut and drinking milk. I reflect opon the day and think well of it, and hope I see many more days like it.
However the Dread monday comes and I fear the end of school work. Damn the end of weekends.

8305.09

Heroes, pro or con, good or bad.
Awards, Awards, my friends got awards.
Late, tick tock, late to bed I go.

8305.1Ø

Dreams.
Of heaven and hell,
Heroes and villians,
Freinds and foes.
Right and wrong,
Dreams of so many things
Am I, could I be, would I be,
A hero?
Who would be my friends?
My foes?
Could I, would I tell right
from wrong?
Would it put me in heaven,
or hell?

And the shit flowed through his viens, he felt strong and manly. 'Come on punk! I'll take ya'!' the saliva fell from his mouth. Adrenilin course through his body, he felt mad as hell, and scared. 'Bobby, you're on the junk. And I don't want to hurt you.' His eyes teared.
'Nothing can hurt me, bro! Look!' outsteched arms showed track marks and scabs. 'Nothin' can hurt me!"
Damn the scum who do this!

8305.11

And the pain courses through my system. I am hurt and the bood trickels down my left arm. I lift the revolver one more time, and point the steel cold barrel at my oppoinet.
'You start unarmed, you continue unarmed. To pull a weapon is cowardly!" Then the talons of my adversary rake my flesh again, this time separating my left hand from my arm.
I scream, but am suddenly over silenced by a clock. The clock doesn't tick, but instead talks. He can't tell time, but instead runs around me wildly tieing me in nonexistant thread.
Then smiling like a Chesheire cat, the black earth swallows me hole. But I don't fall down, I fall ... up. Up to the stars where I choke of no oxygen.
'Here you stay.' said a voice
'Not in heaven or hell, Taurterous or earthly realm.'
"Where Am I!?" I cried in despair.
'Indision, and here you stay!'
Thus I stayed, floating, for eternity and on to infinity. I rested none, yet did nothing. I only stared at a flicker of light, a star in a void. That star sung, and the lilting voice said she was hope, until she disappeard. Eaten by Null and void, leaving me with nothing. Nothing at all.

8305.12

'Shut up and calm down you Jackass!"
To my right is Death dealer, to my left, restraining my mangled arm is the Indian in Balck. Both yelled this and I only replied in illusionment
'Jackass?' and I thought, and thought, then I realized, I had been a Jackass ... and worse.
'Thanks. I needed that. Only my friends would have stopped me, and I thank you friends."
But the Indian only nodded no, and faded away. Thesus then walked in and sat down.
Then came the Doctor, curly hair flying and scarf fluttering, and the Teacher of life walked in with charts and grim visages.
'The arm, I afraid it's ... gangreeous. We tried our best, but now we have to amputate.'
The accident was bad, the stiches many, the blood left behind and all over, now the arm must go. Yet I ... was not afraid. It was my left arm, which doesn't mean much, but that was my excuse.
I awoke and had no left fore arm, and suddenly I was scared. Very scared! Was I less then before? I felt different, and helpless, and alone, so very alone.

8305.13

The boy meditates. Though in the clutches of the dragon he is now plauged with falcons. There form sleek and fine made of gold and silver. His astral form floats and fights the falcons. Using powers from within he defeats the robots one by one, though they fly in flocks.
Companionship and Damned thoughts. Locked in a prison of my own design. But I have friends, they let me out on bail, but ... they're only ... friends.
It's not a friend I look for, and may my friends kill me if I treat them as anything else. If that one doesn't stop me may the one who sees it strike me for it.
The tempest rages outside, and poors torrents of rain down upon inocents.
Time slips away also, like the sands of the hour-glass. Old grandfather regulator tick quarter until one, a Saturday morn.
I sleep an internity yet not at all. I fade fast, for I've hit the wall.
Sand is in my eye.

8305.14

The night is sliping fast and friends are now, even as I write. To my left is the artist, to her left is Death Dealer, Thesus left by call of the minotaur. He rushed through the maze and reached a confrontation.
The artist hums and sings in a lilting voice. Death Dealer is runing low on tact and maners now but is getting along.
Freud would love the over-tones in this conversation, and the artist reactions and my embaresment and cinizism.
The artist plans to leave soon even though we beg her stay. but we know she must eventually leave. Death Dealer though plans to stay the night. And sleep the sleep of a warroir worn.
The night is great and well spent, for a project of toil was just finished.
Doctor the poor beast is lost from routine and habit. Soon he will sleep also, after he's done running from Death Dealer.
Death Dealers a little on the crazy side now. He's rude and low.
The night wears on, I leave now out of conveince, not space or love. But I must put down to be kind.

©1997 December (Date implied by entry date, Date of copyright covers web publication)