BIO: Who's Page is this anyway?

(Before anyone asks - this background is the wallpaper on my computer. Since this page is about me I'll start by showing you how I work at home.)

The relatively short version.

The Absolute basics :

My name is Bret McDougal Turner. I was born (7/1/66 - you can figure out how old for yourself) and raised in Topeka Kansas. I'm 5'7" and about 150lbs. Blue eyes and brown hair. (Anything more specific - ask me or figure it out from the pictures of me in the Gallery)

A few other Important details :

I have a college degree (BFA in illustration). I'm gay. I'm HIV+. I'm single.

Brief History :

I was the first born of two boys. I was raised in the same house for most of my life. I went to grade school, and was an outcast with kids my own age - I liked the younger kids, they still had their imaginations. I graduated to Junior High where I was a complete outcast. I had three friends. My maternal Grandfather died then - it didn't really effect me until a few years later. I graduated to High School - It is from here that I have most of my ... strongest memories. Where I learned the most about myself. When I started to realize for sure that I was gay. I graduate High School and choose to go to College in Topeka, close to home. My Parents get divorced. Because of the divorce, we have to move out of the house I was raised in. My Mother, Brother and I move into an apartment. My Brother goes away to College. My Mother eventually moves in with (to care for) her mother. I still live in the apartment. After a break up with a long time lover, a good friend becomes my room mate. I am diagnosed with HIV. Room mate gets a very good job offer and moves away. I buy a computer and start this web page.

Hey, I said it was a very basic history.

A more detailed analysis of who I am :

So, how do I describe myself? Eclectic. Doesn't help much does it? Okay, Here is something that will get you much closer to an understanding of who I am and why I may be doing this. It is based on an Astrology reading of my personality.

My General Personality Characteristics

I have powerful emotional attachments to the past, my family, my childhood, those places I associate with safety and security and my beginnings. Maintaining a connection with my roots and heritage and keeping family bonds strong are very important to me. Loyal, devoted, and sentimental, I tend to cling to whatever is dear to me, be it person, familiar place, or cherished possession.
I am sympathetic, nurturing, supportive, and very sensitive to the emotional needs of other people. I like to be needed, to care for others, and I often worry about the people I love (but don't like to admit it). I have a very strong need for a sense of belonging and acceptance, and I center much of my life around my home. I am more concerned about people and their feelings than with power, achievement, or position in society. Kindness, consideration, and tenderness impress me more than any sort of honor the world can bestow.
I am primarily emotional and my views are often dominated by my feelings and by my own personal, subjective experiences (which are rethought in  reason, logic, or abstract principles - after all I grew up with heroes like Mr. Spock). It is difficult for me to judge situations for myself in a fair, objective manner for my personal sympathies and loyalties usually enter in (when it comes to others it's a different story). I take things very personally, and sometimes build a wall around myself to protect myself from pain and rejection. I feel rather shy and vulnerable at heart. I also tend to be moody, experiencing frequent emotional ups and downs. I need to have a place and time in my life to withdraw, introspect, dream, and replenish myself; otherwise I become cranky and unhappy with those around me.
I function in an instinctive, non-rational manner and like to immerse myself in creative activities where I can express my feelings, imagination, and instincts. I often love to cook, since it can be both creative and a way to nurture and nourish others. I also have a great affinity for music, because it evokes and communicates feelings that may be difficult or impossible to put into words.
My compassion, sensitivity, and imagination are my strong points. My faults include an inability to release the past and go forward, clannishness, and a tendency to be self-pitying when I meet hardships in life.

I am blessed with abundant optimism, self-confidence, and cheerful generosity. My good will and friendliness win me many allies. I also have grand visions and aspirations, and the desire to succeed in life in a big way. I expect the best, and usually get it.

Mental Interests and Abilities

I am a person of strong opinions and I express my views energetically and often dramatically. I am an entertaining speaker and will embellish or exaggerate in order to get my point across. I have an aptitude for story-telling and performing. Even if my arena is only the work place or dining room table, I put on a good show. I have an abundance of creative ideas and do not enjoy a job in which I have no creative input or voice in decision-making.

I appreciate aesthetics and have a fine sense of form, design, and beauty. I have developed great technical skill as an artist, designer, and creative writer.
I have the ability to please and harmonize well with others and have a talent for assuaging strain in the relationship of two other people (I'm overly rational for other people, so I'm like a court judge - fair and impartial and willing to tell you if I can't be). My sense of humor, tact, and personal charm are a great benefit to me in any work with people on a one-to-one level.

Emotions: Moods, Feelings, Romance

In love, I am more interested in a person's sense of humor and intelligence than in their physique. I like a partner who is mentally alive and who keeps me guessing a little bit, and I become restless and bored with someone who never asks questions, never changes or surprises me. Talking, sharing ideas, going places together, and learning new things together is very important to my happiness. I need lots of social stimulation, am something of a flirt, and like to have many friends of both sexes. A possessive, jealous partner is very stifling to me.

(If anyone thinks they want this 'job' I have a few other things to point out. I'm a bottom, and I don't like to make the first move. That's why in my personal adds I often say I'm looking for 'an aggressive top'. That doesn't however mean I want a bully. I am a commanding personality, just because I'm a bottom doesn't mean I'm a push over. During sex I focus on my partners satisfaction, and I do that by submitting to the desires he acts out on me. I think I'll stop before this becomes any more confusing.)

Drive and Ambition: How I Achieve My Goals

I am a "busy bee" - energetic, restless, and forever on the go. My active mind is always buzzing with ideas and I find it difficult sometimes to relax, slow down, or take time to reflect and replenish myself. I tend to live on nervous energy. I can accomplish much in short bursts but projects that require long-term commitment, stamina, and steady, persistent effort are not easy for me. I often scatter my energies into so many directions and activities at once that I cannot finish or follow through on some of them. I need variety, change, and mental challenges.
I have a sharp and eager mind, and I enjoy games and competitions that have a mental component. I like to match wits with someone else.
I often achieve my desires by my verbal skill, my ability to speak clearly, vigorously, and convincingly for what I want. My drive and energy is more mental than physical. I use my wit, intelligence, communication skills, social sophistication, and awareness to achieve my goals.

Over view - personal observations :

You may notice how some of the above stuff may contradict itself - that is what causes the mood swings and my own description of 'eclectic'. I think I have a tendency to come off as a very happy person - If I'm not happy I'm very logical like Mr. Spock. When I find myself in emotional conflict I fall into reason as a safe guard. It is also the wall I use to protect myself from others. I once wrote that people have accused me of being unemotional - the problem is more the fact that I can't feel one emotion at a time.
My journals are my creative and emotional outlet. This is one project that I do seem able to stay with - I often find it jeopardized by other projects - but I always return to it, like a safety net.

Now you know who I am. You have the over view. Through my journals you can find out just how close this comes to me. Find out what my passions are - and why I find the need to share them with everyone.
Other things that may give you an insight to me-
Astrologically - Cancer
Chinese Horoscope - Horse (Popular and attractive to the opposite sex. You are often ostentatious and impatient. You need people.

Why the Webpage?

When I first got a computer it was so I could write more efficiently. I soon realized the communication potential of the net and began to search for things that were important to me. I found a whole new gay community out there, but found a sad lack of anything except medical journals talking about HIV/AIDS . So I was determined to create a webpage that would change that. But how do you show how someone's life is changed? I had a lot of ideas. Justin Clouse had a good idea of how to show someone a life, but this still didn't answer all the questions. Then I found Shawn Decker'epage and began to correspond with him. I received a lot of support from him. My problem was that I'm a novice at the computer. 

My solution - call on the help of friends and get a good program to help write the HTML. Once I actually got the webpage up I began to discover more people that had the same idea (I was over joyed!). Then the concept began to change a bit. I can only present one life with HIV (mine), but I can provide links to others. I want to provide the widest range of views possible so you can make informed decisions about any issue presented here (not just HIV/AIDS but anything in life). I find in my conversations with people that they have a lot of questions but no where to look for answers because people still don't want to talk about it or are to embarrassed. I want to talk about it. I want to answer questions. If one persons experiences can help another, then they are worth being told. 

Please enjoy and learn from what I have tried to accomplish.

Contact Information -

The best way to contact me is through E-Mail. My address is misfit@misfitslife.com. After this I can supply you with snail mail or phone numbers if necessary.
I am interested in talking to groups that want to learn more about life with HIV and AIDS. If you have such a group or function that you would be interested in having me attend - please do contact me and we can try to make arrangements.

Other ways to get in touch with me - ICQ#1534092 - Yahoo! messenger Misfitlife

Please feel free to contact me with comments, questions or suggestions.