June '99

Okay, Lets start by saying that I should be in bed, but why ruin a habit?
I forgot about this being Tuesday, so it's movie night. Rodger is supposed to be coming over to use the computer and I might not be here (but I have figured out a way around that). This also means I wake up early, and since I'm here writing - go to bed late. I do have to be at work an hour early again tomorrow - so even less time to make it up.

Gods, where do I start to try and catch you up on the last few days? Where did I leave off? <Bret stops typing and looks at the last two entries>

Right, Sunday. I woke up about 5:30 and showered to be ready by 6pm. Two of the Three new people I met at the LARP did come to X-Files with Barb (it will be slightly important to the story later that these two guys where also gay but not a couple). Then came the rest. All in all I had <counting in my head> 8 people not including me here. I still don't know where Brian (T) was that night ~note to self to get a hold of him~. Afterwards, the idea was brought up to go and see Star Wars again - then eat dinner. Jen was up for it, Marshal was really tired and decided to pass. Jen took two others home that decided they didn't have the money to go (and didn't want to owe any one for it later). I looked up the times of the movie on the web - shows all the way up to 12:15am. Barb needed some food (she is hypoglycemic) so we went to Wendy's for a quick bite. Got to the theater and it was closed down. Last show at 10pm and it was now 10:30. Needless to say I became a target for a moment - I was just as pissed. We decided to go back to my place and all take the 1500 question Purity Test. That was a blast! Especially when the girls realized they where very out numbered by guys ~ all gay. One of the new guys fell asleep in my lap about half way through the test. Very innocent, but frankly the contact was really nice. It just felt good to know that regardless of weather he was just that tired or trusted me that much he felt comfortable enough to do that. About 4:30am (now Monday morning) the test party broke up. Barb and the guys from KC stuck around. The guys (or actually guy since only one was conscious) decided not to drive back until he had slept some. About 6am I had the conscious one settled into the spare room, the unconscious one still on the couch and I drove Barb home.
I finally remembered to get some milk on my way home. I was hungry so when I smelled the donuts I went a bit crazy and picked up quite a few of them. I then came home and ate about 4 of the 16 donuts while I worked on the computer. Got the Gallery about as finished as I can until I get the scanner working (which Ray is supposed to come over Sunday and help me get that to happen ~note to self I'm supposed to e-mail Ray to remind him about that~). Around 10 and 11 the two guys woke up and helped me finish off some more of the Donuts. We sat around and watched tapes (I introduced them to Wallace and Gromit) and then out of 'loss' we put in Star Wars IV (the 'original film). Then a few phone calls where made and plans for seeing Episode I that afternoon. Hehehe - I'm staying up. One of the KC guys went to get the guy that read the Purity Test for us the night before. The four of us finished watching 'A New Hope' (come on - Star Wars IV, keep up here) and then went to get Barb. We then went to eat and met up with Melissa there. Melissa said people would die if we went to Star Wars with out her :) So, we decided to kill time at the Mall while she finished up at work (only another couple of hours). We checked the Movie times again - at the theater this time (This is why I referred to this as the Star Wars movie quest before - so much effort to make sure we could see a movie).
In the Mall - it was so weird. First, we walked in and figured out we all wanted to hit the Hot Topic first. As we all filtered on to the escalator, a hand touched mine and said 'Hi!'. I looked down to see this really good looking guy with a bright smile.
"Hi" I said back as the situation settled in. Then I realized who it was. I ran back down the escalator (I had only gone up a few steps - but as you can imagine going backward on an escalator with some people behind me was a bit humorous). Things flying out of my Vest pockets I finally got off the escalator and slammed into a hug with happy and eager "Hello how are you's". Barb picked up my sunglasses and a couple of pens and handed them back to me. They said they would met me at the Hot Topic and gave me a chance to catch up a bit. It had been six years since I'd seen David. We exchanged phone numbers since he was going to be in town for about a week. I definitely want to see him again. He had to run off to find his family and I joined everyone upstairs at the Hot Topic. I apologized to them all for just dropping them like that, then explained who he was.
Killing time at the Mall isn't always easy. We began to split up. One of the Guys from KC wanted some coffee, so I went with him. While he was drinking his coffee and we where walking through the mall - this woman walks up to me.
"Excuse me." she said. I have no idea who this woman is. Relatively young, tan and really good looking in shorts with a tie-dye T-shirt on.
"Yes." I said since she was homing right in on me - not my friend.
"Do you know if Club Paradox will be open tonight?" In case I've never mentioned it - that is the big gay dance club in Topeka - where I go almost every Saturday night to dance. It's not every day that you are approached by a stranger and asked about the business hours of a gay bar.
"Yes, it should be." I replied. I saw no reason to not volunteer the information.
"But it's Memorial day." she comment.
"Yeah," I replied, "But the bars are still usually open for holidays. Especially ours." I said. "Remember most family can't stand their families for long periods during the holidays. They stay open so we can escape them for a while." She giggled and agreed. Now I was fairly sure she was at least a semi-regular customer at the bar in question.
"Is it still a $5 cover to get in?" That one threw me for a moment.
"Only $2." I said then remembered, "Unless you are under 21. Then I think you're right it's Five." Again she kind of laughed and nod. I guess she was under 21.
"I didn't mean to bother you." she said then looking at my friend just standing there drinking his coffee. "It's just I thought you might know since I see you out there all the time."
"Yeah," I said searching my brain for even one image of her at the bar - and not finding one. "I am out there almost every Saturday." She then excused herself and told us to have a good day and I told her to have a good time. We then continued to walk through the Mall.
"That was weird." I said. Then kind of imitating her bubbly blonde voice he said,
"Gee, I'm sorry if I accidentally out you or anything." and I just had to laugh. Especially since before we where interrupted I was playing with my rainbow rings and we where talking about how and where we were more careful about who knows because of fear (We had both had experiences of being bashed - very different circumstances, but both still really scary).
Melissa had called to say she was on her way (she got out a bit early - aren't beepers and cells phones wonderful? Maybe one day I'll step into the 20th century). I went to round up one of the strays from the Arcade. While I stood there and watched him kick some butt on Gauntlet the arcade clerk was also standing there watching him. To me it came out of nowhere.
"So, you guys know anything about that Live Action Role Playing? - Cause I'd like to join." the clerk asked. I'm just stunned - these guys can recruit people for the game just by standing around. When I was commenting on how bizarre that was he said that the clerk had been dropping hints leading up to that for awhile.
"Kind of like when someone wants to know if you are gay and they start out by asking if you like all day suckers." I laughed. The guy from KC then spoke up.
"He doesn't have that problem. People just walk up to him and ask when the gay bar is open."
I swear by the time all the explaining was done there was a lot of laughing.
We all went to the 7pm show of 'Star Wars - Episode I, the Phantom Menace'.
I then realized I had now been up for 27 hours and had to be at work in 8 hours. I was dropped off at home and said my good byes to all. I went in and set the alarm for Midnight - meds. I lay down and got Doctor quite. Then the phone ran. It was Rodger. He was supposed to have come over to use the computer. I completely forgot. Made the very sleepy arrangements to do it today. Woke up at 11:58 - on my own - reset the alarm for 5am and then took my meds. Crawled back into bed and woke up at 4:35. I rolled over and just wait for the alarm. Fifteen minutes later I gave up and got ready for work and used the extra few minutes to not check e-mail but write the last entry.
Work - Monday2. I didn't think it could be that bad. Guess what? No checker again. I was running from front to back for the first hour of the day. Not to mention my first customer wanted tobacco so I had to vault over the locked service desk to get it. Then I found out my drawer had four rolls of pennies in it and only one quarter. Customer needed 63¢ for his change. I had to break open the roll of dimes to give him that. I kind of unfairly unloaded into the Book Keeper about that and the rest of the morning. She was actually sympathetic and said she would take care of both the drawer problem and the morning checker confusions.
The rest of the day just went down hill from there. I got what I could done and then left. Still about a half hour late, but at least I was gone. The problems will still be there tomorrow. Plus we have a ton of tags to do. I still have to go in early to unload the truck.
It's now 3pm. I have to be up by 6ish to make it to the movie (plan on seeing 'The Other Sister') and I think I'll just leave the key out for Rodger so he can use the computer. Going to call David and see if he wants to go to the movie. Get what sleep I can and then get more after the movie and most likely a walk.
Who knows when I'll get back here.

If I keep on top of this the entries won't get so long.
Wow - it's been another year. I went to link this page to the Journal Gateway and realized I have to make a new table for Year 4 on-line. Time just flies by so fast.
I was reminded of the old days last night. I got about 2 hours of sleep before I woke up and left a key under the mat so Rodger could come in and use the computer and then went to the 50¢ movie with Jen. We saw 'The Other Sister' - Really good. Jen cried ~ I almost did. When I got home everyone but Rodger was here (they found the note and figured out where the key was). I used to come home to 'parties' all the time. I didn't think that would happen any more since that crowd had scattered to Austin and Denver. I kind of liked it.
I had a weird message on my machine from Devin, but I couldn't call out because the others where on the computer. Also had a message from David - we basically played phone tag all day. Then Devin and Rodger showed up. I ended up talking to Devin in private for a bit. Felt a touch bad about leaving everybody in the front room - but it wasn't nearly as bad as what I did just a bit later.
Devin and Rodger had a relationship moment. It's their life so I'm not going into any more then that. They are working on it. Devin felt much better then he did when he called my machine because they had talked.
Completely unrelated, as I was talking to him I realized I made a faulty assumption and wrote something wrong here. I wasn't invited to a wiccan event. *blush* When I was invited we where in a religious discussion. The name also made me think it was such an event. It wasn't, it was a place. I still want to go - and may. So, I was not invited to a wiccan event - I was invited to a nudist camp. *L*
I should have caught that when Barb and Melissa said they didn't go because of a lack of money (religious events don't require money, (duh!) but camp entrance fee's do). So, Lake Edun isn't the only place close by. Evidently Gea (and I'm guessing at the spelling of what sounds like the name of the Earth Mother) is a nudist camp just outside of Lawrence. Daily fees rather then memberships and what sounds like even more area and equipment (like boats for the lake and cabins).
Anyway, after a bit (like an hour) I announced to the group of people that I was overjoyed that they where there, they could stay as long as they like, but I had to go to sleep. I then took my meds and went to bed (that would be about 11:30pm). I remember hearing people off and on. I think they pretty much broke up about 2:30am. When I woke up at 4am for work I found Rodger and Devin crashed in the spare bedroom (they said they might). My house was still in perfect order (I knew it would be - I write that only because you as readers may be sitting there thinking "He's only known these people less then a month and he's just letting them run free in his home as they party until the wee hours of the morning while he's asleep! How rude!" Well, let me say - NOT! I may have only known these people less then a month (with the exceptions of Devin and Leah) but I have grown very close to many of them and they haven't done anything without asking me. And for anyone that thinks these new friends of mine are inconsiderate -) and someone left change in my refrigerator (I can only guess because they thought they should pay me back for having some Pepsi) and filled it back up with pop from the closet. The change was completely unnecessary, filling the fridge was nice. Hey if I invite you into my home - its your home while you're here.
Anyway - all I was actually trying to say was that I felt bad about leaving them all out there. I feel that as the 'host' I should have been there. But I really did have to sleep. I only got about 4 hours but it was enough. Work went smoothly all things considered. The back room was ready for the truck. No problems unloading it. I didn't have to check and watch the back door once we opened. I even left by 1pm (not really all that late).
Going to sleep now. Tomorrow is payday. Maybe I'll be able to get a hold of David tonight or tomorrow. If I have any time at all here tonight - I'll try to find the last time David was mentioned in my journal and link back to it for you (it's in the Dark Past Journals - I know it's there because I remember typing it in).

Gaea has a WebPage.
David and I are getting together tonight. Don't know what we are doing yet.
Looking over reX's page for the first time in a few days because I've been busy. He broke up with his boyfriend. Makes me sad. I really sympathize with what he's going through though. Especially the part about wanting to call him and see what he's doing. Afraid that every meeting will bring back all the old feelings. It's rough breaking up - even if you are the one that did it. My thoughts and prayers go out to him in his emotional recovery.
First issue of the DC zine is out. Go to the DC home page and check it out or better yet subscribe to the zine.
Time to proof read the last year and make hard copies.
Maybe I'll select a few things from the journals to read during Pride Week. Coming up soon, better hurry up and get it done.
Going to sleep. Think more about my vacation.

I got some sleep.
David came over very late. Didn't really stay long. He and his friend where kind of tired.
Did a card reading for him though.
Doctor has ruined any chance at sex for a while. He slipped while trying to walk over me - ran his claw down my erection. I don't think I've ever woke up that suddenly.
Getting ready to run Rodger to KC for a LARP. Big day for his character. I don't think I'm playing in this one - I hear KC is very dangerous (for characters).
Going to continue to edit the last year while I wait for him to get here.

So much to write about and so little time.
The no sleep King that I am will not write much right now -(all paste and cut) so I can grab the 3 hours of sleep that I can (now that I'm done running errands and making brownies) before people once again come to my home.

So much to write about and this may be my only chance for a while. I'm so tired and yet - not. It seems that even though I haven't been getting a lot of sleep, the motion and the activity keep me going. I'm having such a good time, I don't want to stop - even though I know I should.
I have a vacation coming up though - very soon actually. More on that later. Lets back up to last weekend.

Went to Kansas City for a LARP. I went because Rodger needed a ride more then anything. It was an important game to his character. I didn't want to play. I still only have the one character and I didn't want him to die so soon (Kansas City has been referred to as 'The Killing Fields'). I did however really want to take the chance to see many (I had no idea how many) experienced players at work. I was however talked into playing. I had a great time. I as a character made up a reason to be out of my city and in this 'playing field' (this may get a bit complicated - bear with me I'll try to make it understandable). Technically I shouldn't have been there - I used that as part of my reason to sit back and watch more often then play. I interact with many characters that approached me - and for the most part kept my identity cleverly hidden. I met with one other of my clan (this made me nervous - I'm not liked by my clan, but I was able to keep this a secret from him also). Rodgers character had by a twist of fate actually met my character - and known that I should be introduced to the Prince. I went with him unknowing he intended to introduce me to the Prince. I was using it as an excuse to mingle with 'higher society'. It means death to lie to a Prince - so you just don't. I didn't. My clan background (unknown to Rodgers character) was an embarrassment to him. I had now also been noticed in the city. My intention to leave became all the more true.
However - else where in the game - a plot had developed that would momentarily snare my character. An object had been stolen using talents known to my clan. I was now the only identified member of my clan there - a stranger that showed many intentions not to be noticed at that. Odd thing is after the fact, I know who committed the crime. My character actually finds it humorous that he played into the frame so well - and commends the perpetrator.
As I said, I had a really good time.
After the game - we filled a Perkins (I did say many players). This to was a great time talking to the players out of character.
I think Rodger and I made it back to Topeka about 4am Sunday morning. Both so tired we couldn't even stand. He crashed in the spare room. We killed time watching TV most of Sunday afternoon until people started to show up for Sunday dinner.

Gods, so long ago - I almost figured that if I let it go this long I would have gotten over it. It still bothers me. I had a great time on Sunday night, but for one thing. Everyone was here. I had a full house. Yet, Brian, Marshal and Jen stayed in the Kitchen talking to each other rather then with the rest of the group. I felt as if I had somehow alienated them. I felt bad that no matter what I said, I couldn't get them to join us. I felt as if I had to chose between one group of friends or another.
I liked it even less knowing that it was Jen's last Sunday with us. Two of the 'other' group even got her a going away gift with a card. Yet this was a group of people that she and the others didn't want to socialize with.
I don't know the reasons behind it all. All I can speak about is what happened - and how it made me feel. I felt like I had let down a group of old friends - that just didn't even want to try and be friends with a group of new people that have become important to me.
Enough of this. It's done - and gone. I can only hope it doesn't continue.

The rest of the week is a blur. With so little sleep it all becomes one big day.
I learned how to make little origami stars - and have since taken up making them at work. And teaching them to everyone else. Soon the world will be littered with little paper stars :)

A chance for a vacation opened up suddenly. One of the office girls was going to get time off from another job and could cover the office if I wanted to take a vacation that the Head Book Keeper could cover (she's the only other person trained to do my job right now). So I said yes. I then quickly went home and E-mailed Mike to see if he would be in California or Boston (he's getting ready to move). The answer was California - so I went out and bought my plane tickets. I will now be in California the last week of this month. Finally, I get a break from work. I'll get to see Mike again.
I think I'll have Devin (and Rodger) cat sit for me so they can continue to use the computer in my absence. I really think it will be better for Doctor to have someone around most of the time also. I've been getting worried about him a bit. He woke up one night and had a bit of a fit and has been acting strangely (more strangely then normal) since then. I think he may have had a small stroke or something. I think he is completely thrown off by my new 'sleep a couple of hours at a time' schedule as well.
I've been trying to make spare copies of my apartment key for them - so I don't have to keep borrowing my Mom's. I'm not having much luck. The guy at the hardware store finally gave up - gave me back my money and told me to try a locksmiths.
Ran into an old friend one day while I was in there. I don't know if I've mentioned him before - but I think I did - he was the one that did some magic tricks for Shawn McGee and I at the movie theater once. I think we saw 'Phantoms' by Dean Koonts - bad film - we both thought the 'after show' was better. Anyway, I talked Star Wars with him for a while (he was wearing an Episode I T-shirt). found out his e-mail address - and hope to catch up with him in more detail later (did send him the above letter - maybe I'll see him around).

Last night was a movie night at my house. I made brownies and got ice cream, chocolate syrup, whip cream and peanut butter so we could all make Sundays. We ordered a pizza first. Watched 'Apt Pupil' and 'Gods and Monsters' with a break for some cartoons.
Again, I had a great time. More fun then I can remember in awhile. But I have only had about 3 hours of sleep before hand - and would have gotten about 3 hours of sleep before work if Doctor hadn't woke me up for food. As it was I only got about 2.

Was going to get some sleep today - but then Jen called and asked for some help loading the truck. I wasn't about to say no or pass up this last chance to see her before she moved to Texas. I'm so happy for her but I really am going to miss her.
Turns out they were mostly done by the time I got there. Still I got to met her parents for the first time. Brian's going down to help her move - I'll be picking him up from the airport on Sunday night.

God - still so much to talk about. But I really have to get some sleep. Didn't talk about the Fun Jen, Brian, Pat and I had for Tuesday night movies. Or going in for blood work (bruised by a bug of all things). Thinking of Gail again. Trying to find the time to get ready for Pride week. Haven't figured out when I'm going to sleep this weekend either.
Just had someone call and ask if they could come over tonight. I said yes. Got to get some sleep before hand ... and afterward.
I will be back. Still busy, but ready to write I'm sure.

Goodnight. I'm going to get a few hours of sleep before getting Devin and going the Transgendered panel.

I hit the snooze alarm a couple of times. I really considered not going to the Transgendered panel discussion. I'm ashamed to admit what actually got me out of bed to go. I forced my self to go as punishment for the thought -
"I don't want to go and listen to a bunch of confused people that can't even decide what sex they are."
The moment I thought it I knew it was wrong. I still felt it - but I knew it was wrong.

Even Devin comment that it was much more interesting then he thought it would be. I learned so much yesterday. Frankly, I'm now reassured that I had it easy coming out of the closet and dealing with my homosexuality. Transgender issues are so much more complicated.
Not only do you have to deal with issues of sexual attraction - you have issues with Gender - gender roles - your own Physical sex - and being a minority within a minority.
They described the process of getting ready to have a sex change operation. I comment later that I couldn't think of anything more degrading then having to go to two psychological professionals and being analyzed in order to convince them of what you already know.
In my notes I wrote "Sever Closet Syndrome" and the quote that got me more then any of the rest was, "I was leading a ghost life. I was alone, desperately alone in a crowd. I felt like I was a puppet being moved around and I didn't believe I even existed."
I can imagine how they felt - I came close - but I didn't feel it that extremely. I still had certain things I could hold on to - Like knowing I was a male. As odd as that sounds - that is one thing Transgendered people deal with. That they are a person - and that person is in the wrong body, or just the wrong clothes - so many different levels of things to deal with.
Like I said, I had it easy.
One other quote/comment that was made that night. When it came to finding the people mostly likely to accept someone with issues of Transgender - "People that really know how unhappy life can be." Combat veterans was the leading example.

Tonight is the showing of the movie "Out of the Past". An excellent film that I rented not that long ago. I couldn't believe the things I learned from it the first time. I can't wait to see it again. For those that are interested - here's a brief description.

I still have so much to write about - maybe later. I have to go and get Devin and run a few errands of my own with him.

The Movie is still great. Sparked some very interesting discussions. Some about Fred.

I have other things I want to talk about.
I'm being prayed for. I always find this humorous, but I'm not going to turn down anyone's good wishes. Even more humorous is how I found out about this. It started long ago, and I even wrote about it. Remember I wrote about a guy that asked me about my triangle tie tack at work - I just told him and I thought he was just standing there a bit dumbfounded. Well, I kind of caught him off guard again. I was reading the New Testament at work - it was really slow on Inventory day for me. He walked in looked at that and gave me the strangest look. I told him I was looking up the suggested reading for overcoming prejudice (it suggested Matthew 7.1-5; Acts 10.34-36; Galatians 3.26-29; Ephesians 2.11-22; Colossians 3.5-11; James 2.1-13) and he just smirked and said if I had the time he could give me the answers. So later I asked him what he meant.
He told me that when he asked about the tie tack he knew what it meant already (my kind of guy - don't ask a question unless you know the answer), he just wanted to see what I would say. He was glad that I was honest - but he began to pray for me. As far as overcoming prejudice - he said the secrete is separate the sin from the person. You can love and interact with the person and still not forgive the sin. Well, I put in my two scents worth about homosexuality not being a sin any more then his loosing his hair. You can try to deny it, cover it up or hide it, but a fact is a fact. He offered to answer any questions I might have about God, I offered to answer any questions he had about homosexuality.
"But I'm still going to pray for you."
"You can do that." I said. I mean after all, I can't really stop him. I don't think I should even if I could - I believe in freedom of religion. One of the reasons I'm really looking forward to the 'Lavender Pagan Circle' Tomorrow and the Christian services held at Metropolitan Community Church on Sunday.

Tonight I will read a revised version of my Invitation to Life. I'll let you know how it goes and post that new version sometime next week. Have to figure out what I'm going to wear to the Prom.
Found out that 50 cent movies have been stopped. Now it's always going to be full price. Dollar rentals still happen though. Sticking to the theme of the week I rent "Serving in Silence - The Margarethe Cammermeyer Story" with Glen Close and Judy Davis. Which I hope to watch soon in an effort to keep me awake during the day. This hasn't worked so far. I keep passing out on the couch. Waking up at Midnight to take meds is not making it easy to get much sleep before work either. Anyway, this will all be over soon. I have a week with nothing planed except one speaking engagement for TAP and then my vacation to California!

Check e-mail, upload this then wait for Devin to call for a ride back from the Mall and others to show up here before the reading.

First, I had a great time last night. I saw a lot of people I hadn't seen in a long time. I saw a lot of people that I didn't know where coming (like David). I even had my Mother and Father in the same room again (okay - different sides of the room, but still the same room). There was an exceptional sample of reading from a wide variety of people. Annette Billings (my favorite local poet) was the first to read. I was the second to the last - I'm glad my self written selection was more humorous then serious. I think it helped lighten the mood a bit. Not to mention I had a blast doing it.
I revised my 'Invitation to Life' (Finally - I've been meaning to do it for months now) and read that. In several places I mentioned playing with toys - so just before I left I grabbed a handful of them and filled my vest pockets. Every time I mentioned the toys I took one out of my pocket and played with it for a moment. It got quite the reaction from the crowd. I must have passed out my web address to about 10 people afterwards.
After the reading - I was wired. Barb and Bil then came over to watch a movie. I should have gone to sleep - but I just couldn't. I hadn't seen Barb all week, and Bil drove all the way from KC to see this. I was wired from all the excitement. I didn't want the movie to be returned late - I had a bunch of excuses to stay awake. That's all they were - excuses. I obviously wanted to stay awake. Devin and Rodger dropped by briefly (to pick up a few things). Bil had to leave before then end of the movie because of the drive back to KC (and work in the morning). Melissa and Travis joined us later also. I still got to bed by Midnight. Five solid hours of sleep before work.
I was still in a great mood at work. That was the first step to the best revenge I've ever had on a person. The best part about it was the way that I didn't plan it - I had a different outcome in my head - and it still happened. >;-> (that's a big evil grin).
Truck driver showed up. He was an out of state Independent driver. After he had a great deal of difficulty backing into our dock (it isn't an easy one the first time I hear from most drivers) I noticed he was at the wrong store. He had two shipments - ours and another store in our company - the way he was loaded, he should have gone to the other store first, because our stuff was in the very back. Since the product is basically interchangeable (all full pallets of the same product in different flavors) I decided I was happy, and bored, enough to get what I needed off his truck and then send him to the other store with what was left. The truck driver left for a while as I began to unload the truck. I figured he had gone to the rest room or after some food (the independents often do that) - turns out he was calling the vendors of the product and bitching up a storm about not being told which store to go to first. Even though this was not an issue now - I was dealing with it.
Do you remember the vendor supervisor I once had a problem with about putting coupons on his product for an add? That laughed as I got angrier, and walked away from me as I was talking to him? The one that others seemed to notice was going out of his way to piss me off? He was the one that got the call. He came down, at the drivers request, to handle this problem (granted, one of the merchandisers should have been there to unload the truck, but they were waiting at the other store). I had the truck half unloaded when I realized that this was not going to be as easy as I had thought. I needed three pallets of one flavor - our three where together, in the nose of the truck (the very back for those that don't know truck terms), the other store was only getting two of that flavor which meant to get my three - we really did have to unload the whole truck and then put the rest of it back on. About the time I realized this - that supervisor came in. He pulled me over to the side and in hushed tones said,
"Next time, just be a complete dick and tell that stupid driver to go to the right store first." I told him that if I had really thought it was going to be a problem I would have. But I thought I could unload what I needed with a minimum of hassle, and was, after all, nearly done (I had 9 of the 11 pallets I needed - which meant the only thing left was to take off the next one and then find a place to store the other 9 pallets to get to that last one I needed). I had another vendor that needed to be checked in. That left no one unloading the truck for a moment. The truck driver, actually very politely, told the supervisor that he thought I had done his job long enough and he should continue to unload the truck for me so that he could get to that other store that was waiting on him. He just fumed and fumed as he continued to unload the truck - just to get to one pallet - then to load it all back up for the other store. The whole time I'm happy with a smile on my face, offering to help, but being called off by other vendors. Not only was he mad that he had to unload and load this truck, the fact that the truck driver kept talking to him (blaming them for miscommunication) just made it worse.
I've probably burned up a bit of my karma due to my enjoyment of his pain, but I think it was worth it. I couldn't have planed a better revenge.
Then I came home and read a great e-mail. Things like this is what really makes what I do worthwhile (meaning the web page and the public appearances).

She was one of the people that asked for my web address last night. That is exactly the kind of difference I had always hoped this web site would make. Let's talk about having a feeling of Pride - I really do now. I only hope I can continue to live up to that feeling.

Okay, what about the other things I've been forgetting to write about? Gaming, my Vacation plans, romantic interests and non-interests (and the changes between them). Playing in the rain a few days ago (Sunday I think). The beautiful weather we've had the last few days. I even rode around with the top down today and ate my payday lunch in the Park while basking in the sun on this cool day. Lustful thoughts - I love summer for the lack of clothes on beautiful bodies.
I'm going to have to ask about some 'gaming etiquette' so I know what I can or can't talk about. I actually will need to ask about using a few other peoples names (or not using them). So, can't really talk about that yet.
I'm going to visit Mike in California at the end of the month. I'll have a week to rest after Pride week before going on Vacation. More on that later.
Oh, that reminds me I forgot to relate the story of Jen's move to Texas and Brian's botched adventure coming home (of which I was a part).
Which leaves that and the romance things to relate - except I am about to go face down in the keyboard. It's nap time. This night sleeping thing just hasn't worked out for this week. I'm just sleeping when I can. I can probably get a couple of hours before the Lavender Pagan Circle.

So, this is narcolepsy. Dreaming when you are awake is still a hallucination right?
Okay, it's not really that bad, but I will be taking a nap soon.

I had a great time last night at the Pagan observation of unity and pride. The ceremony in and of its self was short, but we came away with remembrances. Afterwards, we just hung around the lake and had a good time. We even played on the swings. It got dark and we watched the moon and the stars.
Came home and got to bed about 12:15. 5 am in the morning came very early. I actually almost overslept - I turned the alarm off and then crawled back into bed. I woke up suddenly 15 minutes later realizing I didn't hit the snooze alarm - but just went back to sleep.
Nap - then I'll wake up and figure out whether I want to wear ruffles or chains to the prom. Maybe I'll figure out a combination of the two. I never did go to the prom. I still don't have a date - but at least this time I know I have a chance to dance with a man, and not lie to a woman.

Oh, real quick. The reason Gay Pride is celebrated in June is to correspond with the Stonewall riots that started the Gay civil rights movement (I didn't know that until this year). And, recognition -

This is just to wild. I have a half hour before I take my med. and sleep for work to tell you about it.

First, I had a great time. Saw people I knew, talked to many new people. I thought it was going to be a down night because I couldn't find the girl that I was supposed to give a ride to - never did. I hope everything is cool and it wasn't a miscommunication from when I was a brain dead zombie with no sleep.
Right after I wrote the above - I got a call from her and Devin (they work together) needing a ride. I gave it to them - then crashed. Boy I slept well. got up and pulled a few things from the closet. I went with the ruffles. Poet shirt, what I call my brocade vest, tux pants and Great Grand Father's Tails jacket - got rid of the cumberbun in favor of a sparkly scarf that Melanie had given me long ago. Stopped at McDonalds and picked up a date for the Prom - the four inch action figure of Tarzan from the new Disney movie. Oh, not since Aladdin have I fallen so hard for a cartoon character.
Met Devin and Rodger at the Prom. Started mingling about. Stopped checking out all the cute guys (all of them with dates - damit) and started dancing.
They presented the Toby awards. Bonnie Cuevas and her husband (who's name I didn't catch) won the first one. The list of their accomplishments was long and distinguished. The next one - again I didn't catch his name - but is someone that has also been doing what I want to do more of. Talking about his experiences with HIV and AIDS to schools and educators. I hope I can accomplish as much as he has.
Then they decided to crown the King and the Queen of the Prom.
Are you ready for this? - I was the Prom King! Jane was the Prom Queen (the Transgendered educator and member of PFLAG that I first met at a Pride Week panel talk - and ran the panel discussion on Transgender this year).
"The Prom King probably went to the prom in the 20th century but wanted to go in the 17th. Bret Turner." I was sitting there looking around and then thought - 'wait, they said my name.' I couldn't believe it. I went up and got crowned.
"The Prom Queen probably went to the prom in a tux, but wanted to go in a ball gown. Jane Newman."
We went out and danced to 'Sunglasses at Night' (I believe it's by Cory Hart). Then got our Picture taken. I have it - and a few others - that I hope to have scanned in very soon. It was funny though, as we where posing for our picture Jane said,
"I didn't go to my prom because I was studying to get into seminary school."
"I didn't go because I didn't have a date." I said.
Later Rodger was looking at the crown. Pardon all the LARP talk that is about to happen, but it was really funny. He asked if I was the Prince of the city. I said no, because I didn't want to get staked by the real Prince. He just kept looking at the crown.
"What?" I said.
"I am so jealous." he said jokingly.
"I'll let you wear it for a moment if you like" but he moved his head to avoid it.
"No!" he said, "I shall not wear it unless I am worthy. I shall sneak up behind you and stab you in the back and steal it like the Sedite that I am!" We all started to laugh. Then he turned to me and said,
"But I won't stab you with a knife, like the Sodomite that I am." I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. God it was great.
It was just to weird being the Prom King. I still can't believe it. I rushed home right afterwards with the pictures and the crown to show Mom.
I've written about it, and it still doesn't feel real.

Met the writers Scott Heim and Michael Lowenthal at the dance. Can't wait to see them again at the book signing and talk to them some more. Oddly enough, Scott (the writer that grew up in Kansas) thinks I look familiar. The only thing we can think of is that perhaps we have a mutual friend somewhere in the past (because we didn't go to the same schools or anything). Maybe I just have one of those faces.

Got to go to bed. BIG day tomorrow. Parade - Book signing - Picnic. I promise Prom pictures soon.

So much to write about and so little time.
The Parade was great. I think the turn out this year was slightly larger then last year.
There was a great speech afterwards - which I have asked for a copy of to share with you here - I hope to receive it soon.
Went to the book signing. Really enjoyed listening to both writers. They have some really great ideas - and I like the way they describe things. I asked them how to go about getting published if I ever actually finish my novel. Seems a bit more complicated then I would like, but if that is what has to be done then that is what has to be done. Got a book from each and had them signed - ordered the one that they ran out of.
Ran home and grabbed just a bit of sleep while others congregate in my living room. Bil came down for the picnic. We had a great time there. All of us playing on the teeter-totters. The crowd was HUGE! We nearly had to hike in from our parking space. I think it should be a goal to get everyone at the picnic to be in the parade.
After the Picnic, we all came back here and watched the 'Ninja Scroll'. After that I promptly fell asleep in Bil's lap (I guess it's only fair he fell asleep in mine the night of the Purity Test). I'm going to skip a lot of details here - bear with me. Bil stayed here that night rather then drive back to KC.
We woke up pretty early. Me to go to the MCC service for Pride Week, Bil to get back to KC for a Garou game.
Pride services where wonderful. Porters voice was well heard (for those that haven't figured it out - Porter is a representation of what I feel is the best of the Christian religions. I call him a representative of direction). Though I really believe in the message they preach, and they are some of the nicest people I have ever met - I doubt I will attend services again. Though I do plan to try and work with them again - attend events and such.
After that I called my Dad, and took him out to lunch for Fathers day. It wasn't much, but it was time spent together, catching up and talking.
Best laid plans of mice and men ... I intended to come home and write, and watch a few XXX movies. I had pointed out to Bil (and was overheard by Barb) one day that I had been so busy I don't think I really masturbate in about a month. I pulled up with the tapes, as Barb pulled up. I went into the house to find Devin on the Computer and Rodger watching TV eating Burger King with Doctor in his lap. - Yeah, you heard me, Doctor seems to have become a social animal. At first it was only Bil (and somewhat Devin - after all he had lived here for a while) but now he seems to be wandering up to just about anyone.
Barb then ran off to get some Burger King for herself. When she came back, she found a card in front of my door. The front had my name (spelled correctly) with the drawing of a winged heart with a halo. A Hallmark gold seal closed the envelope. Inside was a Hallmark warm wishes card that said 'thank U' on the front and 'Very much!' inside. There was also a folded piece of paper inside. Printed on a computer it said -

Talk about a big warm fuzzy feeling all over. I don't have any idea who did this - but I assume you read this. I just want to say Thank You from the bottom of my heart. I don't do this for recognition, but it is good to know that it is making a difference. Thanks again. It really meant a lot to me to get this card.
This whole week has been marked by instances of Large Warm Fuzzies. From Prom King, and Bonnie Cuevas e-mail, and this anonymous letter - I have a feeling of self worth and Pride that threatens to make me explode.
Sunday dinner was small, but great. Most of the people that had been coming where away at games. It was just Brian, Marshal, Barb, Leah and her boyfriend. We seemed to talk more. It was a group thing rather then a groups thing.
Now I sit her writing this. Now I'm going to go to bed.
I hope to catch up on some of the details later.

One last thing. One up - one down side to the whole week.
No Fred at all. He wasn't at even one event that I'm aware of. Don't know why - don't care.
No news coverage at all. Not one TV camera or reporter. I haven't seen anything.

The Vampire Gypsy King sat in the dark and stared into the fire. Despite all the good that had come of the last few days there was a confusion in his mind. He stared at the flame like a moth as the voices whispered in his head.
"What are you doing?" They whispered into his ear and echoed in the looks of passers-by. He glanced down to the cards at his feet and continued to think about the man he had done the reading for. One card in particular haunted him.
The Heart. Pointing like an arrow to the right it sat as if poised on the bow of the Archer. When he read the card he thought he knew what it meant, but now that the man was gone he had his doubts.
"Love will ignite your heart." the Gypsy King repeat to the night air as he stared at the flickering flames. The King placed his duel edged sword point down into the image of the heart. The tip separate the image of the heart in half, just as the sword was purest sliver on one side and darkest ebony on the other. The Vampire King felt a cold shiver, despite the fire, staring at the image of the heart cleaved in twain and staked to the ground.
"It usually implies that the other person is not aware of your feelings or does not feel as passionate about the relationship as you do at this time." He said in his mind.
"Resist" said the whispering voices. The Vampire King leaned into the fire to rid himself of his chill. The Gypsy King draped his hands over the hilt of the earth sheathed sword and let out a sigh as he rest his chin on his hands. He laughed. The advise he had given seemed so ironic now.
"Demanding love will not work, but gentle, subtle means will help. If you want to be treated lovingly, then model the behavior for your partner."
"Submit" said the whispering voices. The Gypsy closed his eyes and remembered the roaming hands and the look in his eyes. His gut told him - but his mind doubt. The Vampire's heart remained cold. "It can't be happening." he thought as the voices whisper,
"Resist".
The Gypsy smiled with the warmth of the fire and thought, "enjoy the experience" as the voices whisper,
"Submit."
The Vampire King suddenly stood and hissed baring his fangs and yelled to the Moon
"What are you doing!?!" The Gypsy King then tripped. Grabbing the sword he cleaved himself in two and fell into the fire.

What are you doing?
-Resist-
It will not happen
It can't work out
You are being lured into danger.
You don't feel the passion.
There is no physical attraction.
So much distance
Nothing that I want
I will kill him!
-Submit-
You want it
You've been nothing but honest
Take what you desire
You are lonely
You are unhappy
I am in control
You've done so much already

Am I falling into the fire?
-Submit-
It is happening already
We could talk about it
Is that wrong?
I like the attention.
There is so much friendship.
So much closeness
Everything I asked for
He knows the risk!
-Resist-
At what cost?
There is so much unsaid.
It isn't fair
I am free
I am content
I am confused
I only gave back what I got

Toppling through space the debate wages on. Heart and Mind divided trying to clear away the confusion with a minimum of damage. Hoping the damage hasn't already been done.

The King awoke next to him. Both of us wearing clothes, it was so odd.
I walked into the walk-in closet and closed the door behind me. I dressed in the closet and exit to find him awake.
"Being modest?" he said.
"A little." I said, and thought how weird that was of me.
Memories of the night before rolled though his head. If he hadn't enjoyed it all so much he might almost wish to take it back. But take it back to erase it, or do it differently?
I feel so content in his presents. I feel so confused in his absence. I remember this feeling, but I refuse to admit it. Like a moth I am drawn to the flame but resist. Hovering near the edge as long as possible until I am inevitably drawn in.
The King sits alone in the empty halls of the castle. His loneliness echoing against the walls of the thrown room. He's felt this before - it's all he knows.

Writing all this down - hasn't helped me much. I think I realize more now just how much I do feel in both directions. I think I've realized that I obviously have the emotions - but still have all the doubts. Thus the fear of pain. The need to talk about it, but not to bring it up.
I think that my vacation is coming at a primary time. It will give me some time away - far away - amidst other temptations - to think this out.

The King walked through the forest paths, thinking. Thinking perhaps more then he should. Coming to no conclusions but one. He couldn't follow his own advise - if I had been someone else I would be telling myself I was stupid and passing up good chances.
Then the King heard his name. Knowing no one else should be in the woods he felt it must just be the whispers. Just then he saw the floating head calling his name.

Melissa was driving through the park. Barb had her head out the sun-roof calling to me.

Hugs where exchanged with the Ladies of the Moonlight. Then with a glare they asked me to settle a bill. I told them I couldn't settle the questions - because I simply didn't know the answers. They asked for payment of some sort - I only gave them change.

Change the subject. Did it several times quite artfully I thought. They knew what I was up to. They where persistent. Like mothers looking out for the interests of two children.
The conversation moved to my house. I finally relent. I tried to talk about it. I couldn't talk intelligently about the situation - it was all about emotions and I had no answers. But talking helped some. But I kept remembering a piece of advise I often tell people talking to me about relationships.
"You are telling all the right things to the wrong person." I can't follow my own advise.
Talking to them I began to realize a few things I didn't know. Information I had suddenly fit into the puzzle. Not that it helped a lot. Still a lot of pieces missing, but more of the picture is there.

"Clarify one thing for me? Nothing that I want but everything I asked for."
Physical vs. Mental. I'm not physically attracted to him. He's not 'Tarzan', but then again who is? But he isn't even what would normally turn my head. -Resist- Yet, he doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't do drugs. He has similar interests. He can laugh with me - we seem to share thoughts at the same time. I am content to just lay in his arms - and have him lay in mine. -Submit- I've begun to notice things about him that I do like. -Resist-

I took a nap. I woke for work, reluctantly.
The morning was dark and overcast. I went to work, and don't remember hearing the radio.
One of the first things I did at work was Damaged. Store items that have been broken or torn have to be boxed up and sent back for credit. There was a fifty pound bag of dog food, the bag torn beyond repair. It wouldn't fit in the box full so I took it to the trash compactor and lift the bag into the chute. Little bits of kibble and chow rolled down the metal chute with no need to coax it. I leaned back against the wall and let gravity do the work for me. With my eyes closed I listened to the rain. The light 'tink-tink' of the drops hitting the metal chute. I remembered other soothing rains.

The sound stopped. I opened my eyes and realized it wasn't raining. Just generic dog food rolling down a metal chute into the trash. Then the music started in my head.
Garbage - I'm only happy when it rains. I'm only happy when it's complicated. Rain your misery down, rain your misery down on me.
The Smiths - Well, I wonder. I've seen this happen in other peoples lives, why not mine. I've seen this happen in other peoples lives, now it's happening in mine.
?(it was on Future Mass Hysteria)? - Please tell me why - tell me why I do the things I don't want to do? Please tell me why - why I do the things I do.
I just want the music to stop. An hour later, it starts to rain. I stand outside and look up to the gray sky and watch the water hit my glasses. I wonder if the rain can wash away the confusion.

It bothered me that after I resolved not to think about it until after my vacation - it is the only think I seem to be able to think about. Continuing to listen to the whispers "Submit" - "Resist".
"You seem a bit ... fidgety." Dave said.
"If I was anyone else I would tell myself how stupid I'm being. But right now I still just can't listen to myself." Hell, it doesn't seem that long ago that Devin was telling me many of the things I'm writing down here how and I told him to let go of the fear and submit. Let it happen. Never know unless you try. The fear means you are already in too deep.

I keep remembering Annett Billings poem 'Trained Heart'. (I'll have to see if I can get a copy of it soon).

Now I write and I tread lightly. I don't want to say anything out of turn - yet I want to write about it. I know he reads. I know the ladies of the moon read. I know people are reading. I know I should say it first - but I have to write it first.
I'm confused. I feel deeply many things. I have concerns and questions. Doubts and fears.
I don't want to lead you on - but I don't want to let you go.
We are both afraid - waiting for the other to make the first move. Right now, I still can't. I don't know why, but I just can't bring myself to start the conversation. Bring up the questions. Find the answers.
Not that long ago I was where you stand. Attracted to someone that wasn't attracted back - not the same way (anyone else remember the guy at "Ye Old Gas 'n' Sip"?). I guess this is Karma at work - now it's my turn on the other side.
You know what else really bugs me. I'm being selfish enough to keep telling myself I don't want to deal with this until after my Vacation. What if I meet a hunk in California? I want to be able to have sex without the guilt of thinking of someone here. Isn't that low?

I have things to do now. Pictures to get scanned. An Invitation to update. A movie to see. Sleep to get. A speaking engagement tomorrow. A vacation to get ready for.

Got a wild hair up my butt the other day and stayed up to go see 'Tarzan'. It was an incredible film. Not since 'Aladdin' have they put out something I liked so much. Phil Collins songs and the soundtrack are fantastic. The story is wonderful. The animation is incredible. I came home afterwards and the first thing I did was call Bil to share the news. He wasn't home, but I left a message on his answering machine. (Btw' before anyone asks - no, I'm not spelling his name wrong. It's Bil with 1 'L', Just like I'm Bret with 1 'T'. Go figure.)
I came home about 5pm and went to bed about 6ish. I set the alarm for Midnight in order to take meds. I heard them knock - then I heard the key. They came back to check on me. I told them the alarm was set for 12. They shut the door. I continued to sleep. I woke up in time to take many of them home. Kind of funny really.
I then went and got the Prom Pictures scanned in (See below). Plus a few others to put in the Gallery. I then came home and got a short 1 hour nap before work. I got there at 5am and unloaded the truck. Opened the store at 6am and started the day. At 12:30 I had to leave. I had the nurses talk at Kaw Valley with TAP. Trust me - I wasn't hurt that I had to leave work. I was hurt that I had to go back.
The Kaw Valley Nurses where great. Some really great questions. It was nice to have a group that already knew about the virus and transmission - and focused their questions on Patient relations, Services offered, and drug side effects. I was commenting later to people at work that I was happy to have some questions that actually made me think a little bit.
Now I'm here writing.
Now I'm done - so I'm going to put the Prom pictures at the bottom of the page - send the one to Jane and check my e-mail before going to bed. Looks like I'm going to be 'dragged' to see 'Austin Powers - the spy who shagged me' tomorrow. Actually, it looks like fun and I know the guy I'm going with LOVES this film. I haven't been to a movie with him since 'Night at the Rocksbury'. I had fun then also. But it will be one more day of staying up late and sleeping at night.

Austin Powers - well, it's better then the first one. I think I'm still missing a lot of the humor, but it was funny. It wasn't Tarzan.

Been really busy trying to get so much done before I leave on Vacation. I leave on Saturday after all.

Going to watch a movie before it's late. Stayed up way to late talking to Melissa last night. Still not getting any sleep. Up late again today. Will have to wake up for meds.
I hope Mike doesn't have a ton of plans over my vacation. I don't want to do anything but lounge around. Besides, I don't have a lot of money to do much else.

I can't believe it's Friday already! I have yet to pack and my house is pig sty!

Okay, two web pages to look at. Bil's (okay for some reason that link doesn't work - the adress is www.geocities.com/timessquare/alley/8483) and Mike's. Mike has a web cam. I hope to check it out from his end. You may catch me there while I'm on vacation. I leave tomorrow after work - I'll be back on the 3rd. I'm sure I'll have journal entries to post so give me some time.
I received Jonathan's speech and have placed it in the 'Pride scrapbook' where I also hope to transcribe Annette Billings poem "Heart" from the video tape I have of that night.

I have taught my heart to Sit!
When my heart gets away from me,
the drama begins
So I have now taught my heart how to Heel!
on command
Oh no, no more heart running amok
I have my heart on a leash
Good heart, that's a good heart.

She has always been a glorious heart
    with a stellar disposition
But she was prone to chasing women
    like some dogs chase cars
But I didn't want to wake up someday
    and find my heart laying shattered in the road.
So I took my heart to obedience school
I now have a heart who will not break point,
    until I give command

My heart and I can take leisurely walks now
We'll see some gorgeous blue green gray hazel brown or black eyed woman
Just the kind of woman my heart is likely to run after (butch-lite)
I'll look at my heart, and my heart will look at me
I'll say stay heart, Stay!
She'll even whine a little but she'll remain by my side

Do not attempt to touch the heart
This heart is no longer a pet that lives on my sleeves
She's tucked behind my flesh and bones
Behind breast and ribs
Where a heart belongs
Not in someone else's hands

Do not attempt to distract the heart
by throwing juicy tid-bits of yourself
My heart has become a vegetarian
My heat is a working heart
And she's not about to be broken
My heart is a working heart
And she's not about to be broken

Here's what I wore to the Prom (minus the Hat).	Here I am with Devin and Rodger (with the Hat)	Here's a picture of just Devin and Rodger (both a bit Goth, eh?)
Here I am with the Prom Queen Jane Newman.	When I was crowned, Devin was overjoyed. "I get to wear the Hat now!"	We would have gotten more pictures, but they ran out of film (they didn't expect the picture booth to do so well).

Speech after the Gay Pride Parade on the steps of the Capital.
Context: After a letter by Vice-President Al Gore and a proclamation by President Bill Clinton concerning Gay Pride Month was read, Jonathan Loppnow said:

"Both President Clinton and Vice President Gore mentioned diversity as a strength for our nation… and it is that. Here in Topeka we have wonderful diversity: Lesbians, Transgendered, Bisexuals, Gays and Heterosexuals of all shapes, shades and beliefs. As a Lesbigaytrans community we have recognized and are recognizing our diversity as a strength as well. Yet we still have a long way to go toward overcoming misunderstandings and stereotypes:
Comedian Lynda Montgomery challenged a stereotype about lesbians that many of you may have heard: "You know that joke: 'What do lesbians bring on their SECOND date? A U-Haul!" …………………That's a stupid joke. What do lesbians need with a U-Haul? WE ALL HAVE TRUCKS!"
This year's Pride Theme is "We Have A Dream". The Unity & Pride Alliance chose this theme because this is a year when we need to dream. This has been a year when we have seen terrible violence, such as the martyrdom of Matthew Shepherd - this violence dis-enheartens many of us.
And perhaps we start shutting down…
But my friends, it is time that we in Topeka started to dream once more: to DREAM that one day lesbians, bisexuals, gays, transgendered and heterosexuals can work side by side without fear or discrimination; to HOPE that our full civil rights will be recognized; to KNOW that the day will
come when the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youth of our community can grow up filled with the self-esteem and dignity that is their right as human beings.
And Topeka, that day WILL come - these dreams WILL be realized… but not without work. We must set aside our differences and join hands in solidarity, pagan and Christian, gay and non-gay, black and white, all the hues of the rainbow… to take a stand against hatred…. And it is not enough
to be against hatred, we must be FOR love, FOR acceptance, FOR understanding - as a community. So let's stand up, together, let's speak out together, let's DREAM together Topeka.
Thank you!

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