Updates for 2008 © 2008 (Date implied by entry date, Date of copyright covers web publication) This site is DEDICATED to Life with HIV / AIDS Education from Facts   to Feelings. For Highlights of these Journals : Check out 'Best of the Journals' Please do not hesitate to Contribute  to this site or TAKE THE HIV CHALLENGE	Whos Journal is this? Biography
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My niece Emily has her first Birthday. 
I attend an information seminar on Lipodystrophy (a side-effect of HIV meds) and realize that I am doing everything that I can, but I can't stop or reverse it, only slow it down.
I hear rumors at work.

This follows through as the worst month of my life.

We may as well start with the notorious Valentines Day - It plays in.
By the first of this month, I have actually gotten a few hits from my on-line profile. No one is close by, but as my profile says, I am also interested in making friends and just talking. This causes me to start using Yahoo messenger again so I can 'talk' to them faster. Completely at random, someone in town also messages me - he's looking for a hook-up and he is half my age. I know it will never happen, and tell him so - but I actually enjoyed talking to him (he is local, also an artist and went to all of my schools, and listen to a lot of the same music I do).
All things considered, I wasn't feeling a relationship was really possible, but I was feeling better about the potential for friends.
About this time, the rumors became the truth. My Employer's sold the company to our competitors, and I was now in the waiting game to see if they would hire any of 'us' to keep that store running.
At this time, two of those friends really took a serious turn (one in particular). 

In a letter to MFIJ I told him that my love life had been so completely hopeless, that it was just part of my life that I had come to expect dealing with. So when things turned up there giving me hope, I barely noticed that I just shifted my hopelessness into my job ... and ignored it. It really didn't bother me when I was told that 18 years of experience count for nothing with this new company - they told me that my current job didn't exist with them, and they offered me only 2/3rds of my current pay as a part time cashier. I told them if they couldn't give me my current salary and guarantee me full time - we would only be wasting each other's time. It didn't bother me a lot that I was now without a job.
My biggest concern, the loss of health insurance, was put at ease by the promise of COBRA, and that it was the law that I would not go without health insurance.
I had the three weeks of Vacation Pay due to me, I filed my tax return and got a healthy sum of money back. I was looking for work, and also applied for Unemployment. Fortune had smiled on me and gave me enough money to feel safe as I looked for another job.

One of those Internet chat buddies started cyber sex one night ... until something plainly stated in my Profile came up (actually again, because he and I talked about it before as we promised 'just friends' since he was on the west coast). I'm a bottom, so is he ... but now it was an issue he couldn't get past - and we haven't spoken since. The local young man continued to hit on me for a hook-up, and I swear forgot that we had talked several times before ... and thus act kind of flaky any time I brought up any information from a previous conversation. The other one was seriously making me think we had a chance though. He lived in another state, but traveled a lot on business and said he was willing to relocate.

Valentines Day was in my Last week of work. The day in and of itself was not bad. In fact though I had lost my job and knew it - I was still working. Though I didn't have a boyfriend, I had someone that was giving me hope, and one new (though flaky) Internet friend.

Then my hopeful e-mailed me to say that he was now stuck in a foreign country and could not cash his money-orders and was wondering if I would do it for him.
Yes - He was an Inter-net Scam and was milking me for sympathy for almost three weeks. I may be desperate, but I'm not stupid. I did give him one chance to prove to me that any of his story was real, but when I called him on it, he merely stopped writing all together. After three days I turned him in for 'abuse' on the singles site and Yahoo. I felt completely stupid, useless, and desperately alone again.

Two days after that, the young man hit on me again for a hook up ... and I began to submit. I know many of you think I exaggerate this stuff - but honest to God ... These 360 turns are exactly and abruptly as portrayed, and this was the worst day of my life.
"You do remember I'm HIV positive, right?" Long pause in the messenger.
"No ... I can't have sex with you."
"Safe sex isn't safe enough for you?"
"No!"
"It's okay. I never really thought this would happen. I just like talking to you. Would you still like to get together and talk?"
"I said no sex."
"Talk isn't sex. I'm talking friends doing something together. We can keep it as public as you like so you can escape - food court at mall or something."
"I'm kind of grungy. I'll give you a call after I get cleaned up." (I had already given him my number, not the other way around. I waited all day for that call).
As I wait for that call - I went shopping. I ran into ... Greg ... Who talked relentlessly about how 'good' I looked, how he and his girl friend are still together, how he sees all the people we used to know and how great his life is ... and how sorry he is that I don't have a job (and he even threw in single) ... he knew everything about me already - he just wanted to question me about it. Frankly I didn't care, and I hope he enjoyed watching me squirm. 
I went home and got on line - noticed the young man on line. I asked how he was doing.
"Getting pissed off."
"Why? What's wrong?"
"No one will fuck me." Honestly, I was shocked this kid was so insensitive to me, but I actually tried to let that slide and be supportive - after all, I really do know what he's going through by 1000fold. However, any support I tried to give was only met with "I won't fuck you." and before the abuse got any worse, I realized nothing I could say was going to get through - so I let it go and just cried myself to sleep that night. He has also ignored my 'Hello's since then.

I attended a seminar on HIV and Cardio-Vascular Disease. With my Lipodystrophy and Thrompocytopenia (Low Platelets), I am at a high risk. Once again, I am doing everything that I can do, but can't stop or reverse the problem ... only delay it.

I am completely alone, without a job ... and ironically with a diseased heart.

This has been a very busy month.
First we found out for sure, that our store was closing at the end of this Month. I had been hoping for another month, but I obviously wasn't going to get it.
Each week held it's own stress.
Week 1: Inventory and hearing about the stores difinate closing date.
Week 2: I don't know ... maybe I lied about EACH week having it's own stress.
Week 3: I am the Best Man in my Friend Brian's Wedding. A LOT happened that week in preparation for the wedding.
It was my Honor ... and I had a lot of fun. (Describing the events of this week turned into a 14 page letter to MFIJ, and I still left a few things out). As you can see below, it was a themed weding, "The Stuff Dreams are made of" ... Classic Movies.

This was the cover to the Invitations

My Toast at the reception: I've know Brian for a long time ... and shared many Super heroci adventures with him in our time. When he asked me to be his Best Man, I knew he was about to embark on the greatest adventure of his life ... and I was going to be a supporting character. Once I met Nicole and checked out the Plot - I couldn't have been more Honored. Its not often someone finds someon that compliments them so completely, and feels the same way about them. It is a joy that verges on Magic when those two become aware of it, and embrace the commitment to make it last a life time. So here is a toast: To my friend Brian, the Groom, and to my New Friend, his wife Nicole. To Thier unending Happiness, and the commitment they have made ... My thier life together be as Classic as Black and White, As Vivid as Technicolor, And full of the plot twists that strengthen Good Characters to a Happy Ever After ending.

Week 4: Closing the store down ... and realizing I am not nearly as prepared for this as I would like.

This month saw the end of my job (again).
Once again I prove that people (or at least I) am punished for being honest. I was paid a second time for my vacation time (evidently when they put me back in the system, they put my vacation time back in). I called and inqured - they thanked me for my honesty, but I had to give the much larger check back to them. The 'Stay Bonus' they said they would give us, was actually much smaller then promised - but I was able to make the rent for July so I was okay with it.
Of course COBRA once again has proven to be ... mythical. I will have to pay out of pocket - most likely for two months as paper work is processed - before my insurance is 'reinstated'. I may really have to consider being off medication for awhile.

Still overwhelmingly alone.

I face turning 42, unemployed ... uninsured ... unmotivated ... unsure of anything ... and still alone.

I am 42, still unemployed ... uninsured (and COBRA failing to come through at this point) ... unmotivated ...
I'm sure that I need a complete change, but to what I am not sure. I have been writting more and persuing (and still unsucessfully) volunter work.
Still overwhelmingly alone ... even had a few "emotional gut punches". Someone that I spoke to occationally, but knew how I felt ... came by one night and told me that I had open them up to the possiblity of love ... with someone else of course. (it was like a mini-Devin Flashback ~ "I'm in love with a younger, HIV neg version of you. Thanks for being here for me as I looked for them, and reminding me what I was really looking for.") Also, my last single friend, who used to swear that he would never get into a relationship (and always tell me that they aren't important) ... did.
Honestly ... very happy for both of them. It just emphasizes to me how ... hopeless it is all becoming.
... the last couple of weeks have even brought me a new imaginary lover ... one that has gotten me beat up and put in jail *L* ... only me... only in my mind.

So then, August. No change.
Seriously. Still unemplyed (my only real lead, met with disaster the day I showed up to start, and thus was not able to), still not insured (COBRA may not work at this point).

I did finally make it down to Texas to see my Brother and Niece. Even if it was only for a day (I went down to pick up Mom).

I've still had people 'kicking my puppies' (a term a freind came up with as I described the things going on around me that I called 'emotional gut punches'). The tune never changes ... (remember 'C'? I ran into him online and heard all the familar polite lies - here are the highlights of a 30min conversation that started online and continued on the phone):
C: o.o
M: Hey, looooooong time no hear. How are you?
C: Goooooood. It's good to know you are still kickin
(I have HIV, thus I must have died or gotten really sick by now)
M:yes ... despite everyones best hopes
C: I've left messages for you on here and tried calling a few times in the past.
M: never got them
(I will not deny that he thinks he tried, but I don't believe him. My phone number is the same, and I always call back. I hadn't been on the messenger for a few months, but I got every message up to the 'last word' of the conversation I last had. On the phone he said he came by but no one was home ... sorry - just don't believe him any more then I believe he will come by the next time he is in town (the end of our phone conversation). He asked for my new number, and I told him it was the same. He then called because he didn't want to type.)
(We were 'catching up'. He confused me with something he said and I tried to clarify)
M: So, you've been single for a year and a half?
C: God no, only a month. I don't know anyone that could survive being single more then a year.
M: You know one.
C: Oh, yeah. So how is *MFIJ*?
Quickly changing the subject ... M: Still in jail. Do you want his address?
(Because he doesn't really want to know about me, he wants to know about the people I knew and he liked-PS, he didn't want MFIJ's address.)

I continue to throw money at this computer to try and make it work "Fully" ... promises keep being made and broken. I have thrown the last (that I don't really have) at it. If this doesn't work, I will scrap the computer and start thinking about a laptop that is fully functional and moble and consider a few other drastic changes.

Once again I find that I am ahead of my time. This time it doesn't bother me as much since it just needed to be done. The fact that I thought of this about ten years ago and was told it was impossible to do (because it would violate confidenciality - yet I wanted to do it with volunteers ... but the stigma was to great it no one would believe it ... blah-blah-blah) ... at the time, they where obviously right. Though now I think it's time is past, at least it has been done and the word is out there. Pos Or Not an on line 'game' to show you can't tell by looking at someone if they have HIV.

I was crying just yesterday night. Cosmo hit me hard. I was walking, and desperatly trying not to feel alone. But I was walking in the dark, in a park which strangely had no one in it. I prevent myself from crying several times, even after the first people I saw in that walk where kids that sped by in a car and yelled 'Fag' as they drove by (maybe it was my hat, it was most likely just the reputation of the park - didn't matter).
I got in my car, thinking that all I want is a chance to love, and the radio came on when it started.
"If you can't love the one you want, baby, Love the one you're with."
One tear for the irony of all that shit ... then the catch 22, the one I'm with is me ... my self love right now depends on someone else wanting me romantically ... and if I can't love me, then who else will.

One new small project. My Hero on Facebook: Damon Killgrave aka Phoenix

As you can see I also started growing a beard again this month. I haven't had one in about 20 years because of my job. I was worried that the gray would be really bad, but it isn't. The picture with the comb is to show how thick it is, and also, that I do comb it a lot, and when I do this, it drives Spence nuts and he tries to eat the comb*L*. The last picture here is just me goofing around. (I wouldn't want you all to think I've lost my sense of humor). If you have checked out the link above for my Heroes Character, you might notice that I finally hit level 80 (top of the line). I was joking around with other Team members (who where congratulating me), when I realized that I had an 'Oscar' from Brian's Wedding. Camera Phone to the rescue: "Thank you, Thank you. You really love me. I'd like to thank all the "little people" that got me here. Wow, you know this is heavier then you might think." *L*

I'm just going to concentrate on Halloween now.

This month saw me begin a job. The pay is low (compaired to what I was making) and I might not get paid until after the first of the year. But I didn't take the job for the money. I did it because I thought it would be fun, and at the very least, I would be getting out of the house and interacting with people face to face.
I was right on all accounts. Some days, the hours are very long - but it isn't a physically demanding job. I do have a great time, and I honestly can't wait to see the product all this creative talent turns out.
I am working with T3Vproductions on the Television show "Broken Road" as the Script Supervisor (basically, I keep track of all the takes and write notes for the Director and Editor ... and do anything else I'm told to do *L*). "Broken Road" is a half hour teen drama (actually written by a teen) staring teens, and using all Local talent. It has been a joy on many levels. Check the links above to keep track of our progress.

0810.27
I took my Mom to lunch today to catch up on things since I've been working when we would normally get together.
We had Chinese, and that means Fortune Cookies. Mom's said she was a bright, alert and creative person. Mine:
"A secret admirer will soon send you a sign of affection."
I don't which part bothers me more:
That I passed it off with, "It's probably not what I want it to mean. Probably something like, 'You did a good job, kid.' or some other pat on the back thing."
That my Mother fully agreed adding the comment that the "Ship for anything romantic vanished long ago for both of us" ... and I told her that if she really wanted it, I'm sure she could find it.
That hope rekinds so quickly, I now welcome these kinds of bashes to my ego to help keep me in my place. That place being alone, ignored, and unloved (Romantically).
That all of this only shows just how truely broken i am.

HALLOWEEN 2008

So - I know you all are curious.... Here is Halloween:

B E F O R E				I didn't get a side view picture taken
D U R I N G

Hello All! Miss DeDee Kay Fitz here. (Y'all can just call me DeDee.) As you can see I didn't really go all out for Halloween this year, but I didn't want to get left out and let just the kids have fun. So I looked in my closet and thought with just a little make-up I could be a Purple PussyCat. I kept candy in my purse for anyone that didn't get any ... I probably gained 10 pounds myself. Oh well, that's what diets are for, right?

My day started out early. My Mama called me at 6:30am to wish my machine a Happy Halloween. I finally rolled out of bed about 9am, and then went down to give Mama a piece of my mind.
"What are you thinking calling me at 6:30am!? I was up doing my nails until 2!"
Mama thought my costume was pretty good, but when we got ready to leave, she did pause and shoot me a dirty look.
"You do have something on under that skirt don't you?"
"Of course I do, Mama! What do you think I am, a slut?"
I picked up my friend Ray for lunch. He took some other pictures of my costume. Then of all things he asked me to take him to the ER. I did get a nice compliment when I was there waiting with him though. I had just been sitting there with my purse in my lap, minding my own business. Ray got up to use the facilities, and the wife of the man across from me finally got called in (she shut her thumb in a car door). As we both sat there alone, he looked at me and said,
"It kind of sucks you got dressed up for Halloween and have to spend it sitting in here, huh?"
"A little, but Halloween is always some kind of adventure." I replied as his eyes got round and wide.
"Oh shit, you're a dude!" he said.
"Most of the time, but not today, honey." He laughed. "That's probably the sweetest compliment I'll get all day. Thank You." He then asked if I did this often, and that is when I took out my phone and showed him what I looked like the day before. His wife then called for him.
I'm just going to hit the funny Highlights here, kitties - not give a blow by blow of the entire day. Speaking of which, somewhere between Picking up Ray and Lunch - I lost one of my falsies ... and no one turned it in. So whatever pervert is out there fondeling one B cup titty ... shame on you!
In KC, Brian found it hard to look at me. But he did give me the best opening I had for the day (Now ... just you keep that mind in the gutter). I remind him that I never repeat a costume, so he didn't have to worry, he would never see me like this again.
"That's good." He said. "I'm not sure I could take it again."
"Oh, Honey, that's suppose to be my line later." I replied and he turned beat red laughing.
Now, I did point out to several people that short of the one compliment in the ER, no one else had a doubt. I'm a pretty ugly man, but I am a truely hideous woman. Which is good ... because deep in my dark mind I actually had a fear of doing this and spending time with a man that liked me and how much it would hurt when he would get upset after learning the truth.

It just goes to show ... some core truths about a person can't change even on Halloween.

So here is the low down. Yes, I shaved (legs, chest and stomach, arms ... and even back *ugh*). The idea was to be a woman dressed up for Halloween. I didn't want the "woman" part to be over the top and unreal (in fact the Cat make-up was to help distract people from thinking I was a man - and also to cover my lack of experience with a womans daily make-up). To me the key part of that was to keep the breast the right size - the rule was "Not any larger then your stomach". That means I ended up with a C-Cup. I had B-Cup falsies, and used Bird Seed in Pink Balloons to fill the rest of the underwire support bra. Everyone kept asking me if it was hard to walk in Heels. No. I specifically chose heels for height that I could still comfortably walk in ... driving on the other hand (I've been told by many other women I've talked to since then, yes, heels make you have a lead foot. "Slow Down, Girl! Before you Kill someone."). I decided against hose, and just went with my shaved legs. Weather was very nice this year ... had it gotten really cold I might have rethought the panty hose. I did have some "boxer briefs" under the skirt. Those served two purposes: One was to give me something to wear under the skirt so I wouldn't be arrested. Two, to hold a towel in place so I could have more 'hips' and thus a more femine figure. The ear rings (which don't show up really well in any picture) were clip-ons, because I only have one pierced ear. I wanted to help change the shape of my face to complete the illusion of it being "not-me". To this end, my hair was down instead of in a tail like I usually wear it. I got extentions for Bangs, to cover my forehead, and help use my fat cheeks to square my face up some more. I also got new glasses, large, round and purple. Yes, they where prescription lenses so that I would be able to see with no problems. This was another instance of trying to use my "bad" features to my advantage. Along with my stomach, my neck has been storing fat. This effectivly covered my adam's apple (the biggest give away in most drag costumes) and without my beard helped 'square' the face.
I had considered telling people that I was pregnant, but I didn't know enough to realistically pull it off ... plus the idea of a "new life" coming from this costume, never set right with me. I instead took to heart a song from a friends band (Cast Pattern) "My Girlfriend's not pregnant, she's just fat." The stomach to breast ratio I had set up seemed to fit in perfectly with many of the Middle Aged Women I observed anyway.

The only dissappointing thing about Halloween was that I 'lost' so much time with Ray in the ER. Fortunately he will be okay, but mostly because we made that trip. It did however cause me to NOT trick or treat alot of people that I had 'on my list'. Only one that I felt so bad about that I called to apologize first thing on Nov 1. That one being my father, whoes wife jumped on me before I even said hello (I have to assume she knew it was me from caller ID - I doubt she was answering the phone "Happy Halloween, only you are a day late! What happened to you, your father was crushed!" ..."Hi-how are you?" ... "Well?" ... "I was just calling to explain. Is my Dad there?" and it goes down hill from there in my opinion).
Anyway - To all those that did get to see me: Thanks it was a lot of fun. To all of those that didn't get to see me: I am sorry and I hope you can enjoy the pictures. We will see what happens next year.

0811.05 NEW HOPE and Lost Hope

The new hope is from the Election. I am so proud of our Voting population finally stepping up and making a change in the direction our country is taking. I did Vote, and I voted for Oboma. I'm looking forward to a better focus on Environmental and Social issues which have long been neglected. I also believe his plans for helping our economy are better then anything set forward by Republican's at this point.

The Lost Hope: Back to an uglier me ... Yes, I'm going to grow my beard back. I am thinking about a hair cut.

I removed my online dating profile after this exchange: I submit: There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but I only have one worm and I'm fishing for a keeper. I am not having a lot of luck here (or anywhere) and I'm about to give up and stop trying. So for the last time, here is the relevant information. I am always told I'm turned down because I am HIV+ (16 years and healthy), to old, to honest, to poor or not attractive. I am a bottom, looking for someone to love. Confidence and conversation are very attractive. I can take care of myself, I'm not looking for (or to be) a nurse, parent, babysitter or roommate. If you have something to say - speak up now or forever hold your peace. "Your essay was not accepted, please follow the guidelines for acceptance." Where are the guidelines? I'm asking because I can't find them on your site - an essay I had up for 2 years was recently rejected. My putting up the rejection letter was accepted and this new attempt was not. I do not have any HTML or vulgarities in my essay. I am confused as to what is causing my essays to be rejected. -Currently rejected: *Copy of the above essay* =Please let me know what is wrong with this essay, and what I must avoid in the future= Please note your essay has been verified and approved. to view, Please go to \"My Account\" page, click on \"View Profile\". Please note, we have edited \"There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but I only have one worm and I'm fishing for a keeper\" from your essay, since there is a websites name involve in this sentence. thanks Viewing the web site then shows my profile as: I am not having a lot of luck here (or anywhere) and I'm about to give up and stop trying. So for the last time, here is the relevant information. I am a bottom, looking for someone to love. Confidence and conversation are very attractive. I can take care of myself, I'm not looking for "*quote previous letter for clearity on the response*" What Website? And why then was the end of my essay edit out as well (ending mid-sentence "I'm not looking for ..." Plentyoffish.com is a dating website and this information cannot be shared in your profile essay. Please ensure your essay complies with our rules. Submission of e-mail or instant messenger (IM) addresses, website addresses or URLs, phone numbers, profane or sexual content is strictly prohibited and doing so may result in rejecting or editing the contents in your essay. If your essay does not include any of the above, please resubmit it. We have investigated the problem, and there does not seem to be a technical issue with essays being posted to profiles. It could also be due to human error during the verification process, and we apologize for this. Thanks! Singlesnet-Admin. It was at this point I just delete my profile. I haven't gotten one decent hit in the two years I've had it. I thought about arguing the following points: Until they told me about "Plentyoffish.com" I no idea it existed. I was not refering to it, and it should have been obvious to anyone reading it that I wasn't (even so, there is no link or sharing of information about this site, or any other). By just having the word of a domain in the essay, everyone that uses the words "Match", "Harmony", "Chemistry" or even any variation of "Love", "Sex", and "Lust" should also be refused. Instead, this latest set of refusals and ignorance was just a sign from God that I should give up.

On November 8th, 2008 I reset my Facebook Hero. Keep track of the new story HERE. Enjoy.

I am preparing for Thanksgiving. I am preparing for World AIDS Day on December 1st. I am prepared for "A Day without Gay" on December 10th. No links, look it up for yourself - I can't do everything for you.

PROTECT and RESPECT World AIDS Day 2008

On Facebook: Bret is ... Lecturing at Seamen High School on HIV/AIDS education and Prevention. Comments: (Bret Turner) uh, no pun intended. Comments: (Shawn Decker) *L* Best World AIDS Day gig ... EVER!

Today I was once again able to speak in a High School about HIV/AIDS education and prevention. This is always a very rewarding experience for me.
As I rushed out the door this morning it struck me, I didn't know which 'annual' World AIDS Day it was, or what the 'Theme' this year is. I ran back inside and did a quick search.
This is the 20th. It took us 7 years of an epidemic to finally recognize it Globaly ... and 20 years later this day gets about as much recognition and respect as Secrataries Day ... maybe less because there is no advertising or cards. I might compare it to Presidents Day ... but the banks are still open.
I did however really like the 'theme' this year "RESPECT and PROTECT". I bent my lectures around it. I used to use the line "I walk a fine line in these lectures between the understanding that HIV is something you want to avoid, and the understanding that life is not over if you do run into it." This time I turned that around and used the Respect and Protect approach, "I'm hoping the facts and information I give you today does not Scare you, but gives you the information you need to protect yourself, and the respect to know you should and can."

Maybe it worked ... time will tell.

This should not be a battle of straight vs. gay, but a matter of sticking to the letter of the Constitution - which, if done, will ensure equal treatment to ALL under the law. The word marriage is merely a scapegoat in the fight for gay civil unions. Take that one word away and what is left to argue over are the fears and prejudices of many Americans. American politicians know it is not politically correct to gay-bash so they quibble over a single word to give the illusion of right and wrong. It is sad that in this day and age Americans are splitting hairs over semantics and allowing one word to stand in the way of happiness and equality for a large number of deserving, law-abiding American citizens who just so happen to love someone of the same sex. Do we Americans merely pay lip service to the question of Equal Rights and the separation of Church and State as set forth by our Constitution? FACT: Marriage as a religious ceremony takes many forms and has different rules. Due to the Freedom of Religion in the United States, those rules and regulations are recognized and followed by that particular religious group. Your religion or believes do not matter in the eyes of the Law. FACT: Regardless of whether you were married in a Church, Synagogue, Court house, or in your home - your "Marriage" is not Legally recognized until you have gotten a Marriage License or Certificate. You do not have to specify your religious believes on this form, nor do you gain different rights and privileges under the eyes of the law because of your choice (or even lack) of religious affiliation. FACT: Same-sex Marriage is not looking for any Religious validation or acceptance (that is up to the individual(s) involved). It is about Equal Rights under the LAW.

Separate is NOT Equal.
The reasons "Civil Unions" are not the same as Marriage:
1) There is no standard legal contract or name that covers all the same rights as Marriage. Thus a Civil Union may also be called: civil partnerships, registered partnerships, domestic partnerships, significant relationships, reciprocal beneficiary relationships, common-law marriage, adult interdependent relationships, life partnerships, stable unions, civil solidarity pacts, and so on. The exact level of rights, benefits, obligations, and responsibilities also varies, depending on the laws of a particular State or Country.
2) Separate but Equal doesn't apply when a Married person can also participate in any of these also recognized legal documents. (As an example a Married Man may enter into a business partnership with another individual (male, female, or corporate) that may use one of these contracts as the legal bond).
3) All of these documents are recognized ONLY by the STATE that issued them. They have NO BARING outside of that State, and no other State is obligated to honor those agreements. (Example: If you are Married in Kansas and move to Texas or even Mexico, you are still Married. If you have a Civil Union in Kansas, the legal rights in that document are only valid in the State of Kansas.)
4) Any of these legal documents has to be proven, or more importantly can be contested at any time. (Example: your spouse is in an accident. If you go to the Hospital all you must do is say "We are Married." and you have access to your Spouse and are privy to medical information and decisions. If you have a Civil Union, you have to have those documents with you, they have to read them, confirm them, still are not obligated to give you access or information, and any dispute you bring up can still be contested in a court of law.)

The argument that Marriage should be about Love is valid to me. However, the Law does not ask, quantify or prove the existence of love in a Marriage. When 50% of Marriages end in Divorce, and many individuals have a string of marriages ...
Love is not the issue, Equality in the eyes of the law is.